Should twins know which one was born first?

Joan Friedman, PhD Psychologist & Twin Expert, shares advice for parents on the benefits of not telling twins which one was born first and waiting until both are older to do so
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Should twins know which one was born first?

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It is not a good idea to tell a twin who is older because it creates a meaningless identity with unintended consequences. It affects how people see twins and it affects how twins see themselves. My sister and I were three minutes apart. My whole life was basically spent going, "Oh, who is older." Then my parents added their own issue to it by giving us the initials, Joan A. and Jane B., which reflected our birth order. When I found out that I was going to have twin boys, I made a vow not to tell them who was older until they were 13. By the time they were 13, they couldn't have cared less. It is important to remember that being noticed is not the same as being known.

Joan Friedman, PhD Psychologist & Twin Expert, shares advice for parents on the benefits of not telling twins which one was born first and waiting until both are older to do so

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Joan Friedman, PhD

Psychologist & Twin Expert

Dr. Joan A. Friedman is a prominent and well-respected twin expert who shares her passionate views and insights about twins and their emotional needs with twins and their families throughout the world. The fact that she is an identical twin and the mother of five, including fraternal twin sons, makes her ideally suited to this task. Her commitment to twin research and her treatment of twins of all ages demonstrate the breadth and depth of her skills and experience. She conducts ongoing groups for parents of twins and provides consultation on twin related matters such as school placements, developmental discrepancies, and behavioral issues.

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Transcription: 
It is not a good idea to tell a twin who is older because it creates a meaningless identity with unintended consequences. It affects how people see twins and it affects how twins see themselves. My sister and I were three minutes apart. My whole life was basically spent going, "Oh, who is older." Then my parents added their own issue to it by giving us the initials, Joan A. and Jane B., which reflected our birth order. When I found out that I was going to have twin boys, I made a vow not to tell them who was older until they were 13. By the time they were 13, they couldn't have cared less. It is important to remember that being noticed is not the same as being known.