KidsInTheHouse the Ultimate Parenting Resource
Kids in the House Tour

Daughter doesn't have many friends

Posted July 24, 2014 - 3:17am
My daughter is 14 years old and is just the most amazing person you could ever meet. She is so funny and smart. But for some reason she just doesn't have many friends. My instinct is that this isn't a problem but I can't help but feel like there is so much more out there for her. She seems happy enough but I am wondering if it is healthy for her to only have 1 or 2 friends that she mostly hangs out with.
16 posts / 0 new
Last post

MommaRivers

I have noticed with my daughter that she has a lot of friends at school but when it comes to hanging out with people there are only a few girls she actually spends time with. This is really normal and I don't think you should be worried at all. If you are still worried and think it's a problem, here is a erally good video from Laura Markham.


Rachel Adams

I agree. With most girls they only have a couple of really close friends. And really, I think it is better this way because girls can start gossiping a lot when they are all together.


CShelton

Really true, check out Rosalin Wiseman's advice on this site. Really gets to the heart of the mean girl syndrome.


Skincare Mom

Let your instincts guide you here but pay special attention to her close friends. If she shows no interest in getting together with them you may want to initate some get togethers. It is not the number of friends but the quality absolutely. My oldest daughter (also 14) seems a lot like yours. I have had to seek new opportunities for her such as weekend dance, art and sports clinics. These are good because they don't require a great deal of commitment but are extremely important for working on social skills meeting new people. Sometimes breaking the ice is the hardest part of making new friends.    


Marshall Herff

Should be fine


CraigK

It's all about her mood.  Does she seem upset to be with the same friends over and over?  Or can you tell that she's upset?


CShelton

Check out this video. It helps you explain popularity to your daughter. Popularity isn't everything!


CraigK

This is great!  


DanaP

Does your daughter seem unhappy with only hanging out with one or two friends? It might be that she has created really wonderful, meaningful relationships with these two friends. If so, her small social group probably isn't a problem. But if she seems upset about the lack of social breadth in her life, talk to her about it. See if there are activities that she can join outside of school that will introduce her to a wider variety of people. Encourage her to change her mindset about people at school that she might not want to be friends with. She doesn't have to become best friends with them, but it might be nice to hang out with other people occasionally. It really all comes down to how happy she is. 


SuperDuperMom

How big is your daughter's school? That could also be a factor!


Haymalz

Teen years can be really hard for girl's social lives. I wouldn't be worried that she only has one or two good friends. If she's happy, then it's probably healthy. If you're worried, however, go ahead and check in with her. Talking with your daughter about how she feels about her friends should clear the situation up for you. 


sunnykathleen

I would also ask your daughter if she has friends that are acquaintances at school. Does she talk and joke around with kids in her class? Who does she sit with lunch? I know for my daughter she has only 3 friends she sees outside of school. When I asked her if she wanted to invite others she said no she was perfectly happy with those close friends. She said she chats with kids in her PE class and works on projects with friends at school but doesn't feel the need to socialize outside of school. Maybe dig a little deeper and see how your daughter is feeling about her amount of friends!


sunnykathleen

I would also ask your daughter if she has friends that are acquaintances at school. Does she talk and joke around with kids in her class? Who does she sit with lunch? I know for my daughter she has only 3 friends she sees outside of school. When I asked her if she wanted to invite others she said no she was perfectly happy with those close friends. She said she chats with kids in her PE class and works on projects with friends at school but doesn't feel the need to socialize outside of school. Maybe dig a little deeper and see how your daughter is feeling about her amount of friends!


jonbonjovious

If it doesn't seem to be a problem for your daughter, rest easy. Bring up school in daily conversation--who did you sit with at lunch? You might also offer to have her invite a friend or two over to the house to hang out. Communication is so important between a parent and child...open the dialouge and gauge her feelings on the topic here.


beachcitymom

I don't have any additional feedback but I really like this conversation. It is very helpful!