Teenagers and peers

Watch Gordon Neufeld, PhD's video on Teenagers and peers...
Teenagers and peers | Kids in the House
KidsInTheHouse the Ultimate Parenting Resource
Kids in the House Tour

Teenagers and peers

Comment
120
Like
120
Transcription: 
It's quite normal and typical for teenagers to be pulling away from parents, whether it's healthy or not, depends upon the reason. The healthiest reason is that the teenager wants to become his own person, wants to think for himself, have his own meanings, have his own motivation. Sometimes, the attachment gets a bit suffocating and the teenager begins pushing away. That's the best reason. It is developmentally natural. It's important. Unfortunately, many of our teenagers are pulling away for an unhealthy reason. Peers have replaced parents in their lives. They are orbiting their lives, looking to them for answers. Looking to peers to know what to do, how to act. I call this, peer orientation. When our adolescents become peer oriented, they are pulled out of orbit from the adults that are responsible for them. They are pulled away from us, but for all the wrong reasons. Peers can't bring each other up. To raise them, we need to preserve our attachments to them. We need to be able to hold onto them for as long as they are not, yet, ready to enter their world as separate beings.

Watch Gordon Neufeld, PhD's video on Teenagers and peers...

Related Videos

Transcript

Expert Bio

More from Expert

Gordon Neufeld, PhD

Psychologist & Author

Dr. Gordon Neufeld is a Vancouver-based developmental psychologist with over 40 years of experience with children and youth and those responsible for them. A foremost authority on child development, Dr. Neufeld is an international speaker, a bestselling author, Hold On to Your Kids and a leading interpreter of the developmental paradigm. Dr. Neufeld has a widespread reputation for making sense of complex problems and for opening doors for change. While formerly involved in university teaching and private practice, he now devotes his time to teaching and training others, including educators and helping professionals. His Neufeld Institute is now a worldwide organization devoted to applying developmental science to the task of raising children. Dr. Neufeld appears regularly on radio and television. He is a father of five and a grandfather of three.

More Parenting Videos from Gordon Neufeld, PhD >
Enter your email to
download & subscribe
to our newsletter
  Listen or Watch
Must See First Year Videos
Three important rules about your baby's first foods
First year milestones
Postnatal depression and loneliness advice
Baby losing interest in nursing
The importance of spending quality time during early childhood
Narrating an infant's environment
Research based benefits of co-sleeping
Bonding versus attachment
Bonding with your baby after a less-than-perfect birth
Preventing postpartum depression
Play All 34 Videos
Featured Experts: Alan Greene, MD, Lawrence Kagan, MD, Barbara Olinger, MSW
More Playlists >
Transcription: 
It's quite normal and typical for teenagers to be pulling away from parents, whether it's healthy or not, depends upon the reason. The healthiest reason is that the teenager wants to become his own person, wants to think for himself, have his own meanings, have his own motivation. Sometimes, the attachment gets a bit suffocating and the teenager begins pushing away. That's the best reason. It is developmentally natural. It's important. Unfortunately, many of our teenagers are pulling away for an unhealthy reason. Peers have replaced parents in their lives. They are orbiting their lives, looking to them for answers. Looking to peers to know what to do, how to act. I call this, peer orientation. When our adolescents become peer oriented, they are pulled out of orbit from the adults that are responsible for them. They are pulled away from us, but for all the wrong reasons. Peers can't bring each other up. To raise them, we need to preserve our attachments to them. We need to be able to hold onto them for as long as they are not, yet, ready to enter their world as separate beings.