What to do instead of screaming at your kids

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What to do instead of screaming at your kids

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So most of us will ask our kids to get dressed, or brush your teeth, or go get your homework so we can get in the car. And typically they ignore that first request. So we make a few more requests using a really nice calm voice. And they continue to ignore us. And it's at that point that we change from nice to screeching, yelling, demanding, and threatening. And it seems to us as parents that's the only time our parents get engaged, when we escalate into the screaming, which is not really what we want to be doing. It's important for parents to understand that first of all most kids are parents deaf. It's a little bit like the Charlie Brown scenario. What they hear through those first requests is [wah-wah, wah-wah]. They've been trained only to move as the parents escalate. So one of the ways to break that pattern is to start giving your kids choices, because they have to answer you. So change from a direction to a request, a choice, sounds like John, would you like to brush your teeth now or after this commercial? Mary, would you like to get your homework now or after we finish dinner. Jamie, do you want to brush your teeth now or after we finish reading the book? The child is forced to then respond in some way, and then you can move the conversation forward.

Watch Vicki Hoefle's video on What to do instead of screaming at your kids...

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Vicki Hoefle

Professional Parent Educator

Vicki Hoefle is a professional parent educator with over 20 years experience teaching parents, educators and caregivers how to raise respectful, responsible and resilient children. Hoefle combines her expertise in Adlerian Psychology and as an International Coaching Federation certified coach to bring parents Duct Tape Parenting, a sustainable and proactive parenting strategy that provides time-tested tools for harvesting a happy and peaceful family life. Her informative and highly engaging presentation style keeps her in demand as a speaker, facilitator and educator. Hoefle is a mother of six and lives in Middlebury, Vermont.

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