Harry Harrison Jr's blog https://www.kidsinthehouse.com/blogs/harry-harrison-jr en Be the Role Model You Want Your Kids to Be https://www.kidsinthehouse.com/blogs/harry-harrison-jr/be-the-role-model-you-want-your-kids-to-be <div class="field field-name-field-article-image field-type-image field-label-hidden"><div class="field-items"><div class="field-item even"><img typeof="foaf:Image" src="https://www.kidsinthehouse.com/sites/default/files/79074595.jpg" width="600" height="402" alt="" /></div></div></div><div class="field field-name-body field-type-text-with-summary field-label-hidden"><div class="field-items"><div class="field-item even" property="content:encoded"><p>Children of all ages watch everything their parents do. Do you smoke? Do you drink? Do you take a lot of pills? Do you look at porn? It’s difficult to do these things while explaining to your kids why they shouldn’t do these things.</p> <p><span style="line-height: 1.538em;">On the other hand, do you go to worship services regularly? Do you lead a youth group? Do you volunteer at area hospitals or take part in a clean up the neighborhood project or get involved in Habitat for Humanity?</span></p> <p>Your kids are watching these things too. And whether it’s negative behavior or positive behavior, all kids instinctively want to be like their parents. So rather than just tell them to get off the couch or do volunteer work, it’s important we get off the couch and set the example. The other crucial thing to remember is that the second most powerful influence on our kids other than ourselves is other kids. The point being, the kids they meet while volunteering at hospitals or building a home for Habitat of Humanity are the kind of kids you want them to become friends with, rather than the kids who zone out on cough syrup because they’re bored.</p> <p>Volunteering does wonderful things for a teen’s emotional, spiritual and mental health. It lets them experience doing something for somebody else, something many teens rarely experience. It teaches them how to work in groups to accomplish something bigger than themselves. It gives them satisfaction of having made a difference. They’ll discover they like this feeling. And soon they’ll be asking to go to Romania to work with dentists in small poor villages – an experience that changed and shaped by son’s life.</p> <p>What are some things you and your kids could do together?</p> <p>A. Walk for the Cure. First off, you have to raise money together. Then train together. Then actually walk 60 miles in three days. This event will change you and your child’s life.</p> <p>B. Serve food at a homeless shelter. You can sign up to do this regularly or one time. And few things are as unforgettable as serving Thanksgiving dinner at a shelter.</p> <p>C. Habitat for Humanity. The great thing is you don’t even have to know how to use a hammer (though they’ll teach you.) You just have to care.</p> <p>D. Mission trips. Every church and synagogue takes them. And every teen can’t help but be impacted by the shattering realization of how much worse off most of the world is than they are.</p> <p>E. Park Cleanups. This is where a child realizes the impact humans can have on the environment. Armed with mosquito spray and gloves, your family will come home with a sunburn, tired muscles and the satisfaction of making their part of their world a little more beautiful.</p> <p>There are hundreds of other ideas of course. And you can expect complaining for a while. But ignore it. The key thing is you have to set the example. And it doesn’t matter if you like mowing yards or building homes or cleaning up creeks. Because what you’re doing is showing your young child or teenager what it means to give of yourself. Your also spending time together which few parents and kids do. And you’re giving your kids the gift of thinking about somebody beside themselves. A gift that studies show they will take into their adult years. Finally, they are learning about responsibility, and lets face it, responsible kids are less likely to chug cough medicine or light up a joint.</p> <p><span style="line-height: 1.538em;">We all want our children to become compassionate, empathetic, tolerant and filled with a sense of gratitude and community responsibility. But first, we have to be the adult we want our child to become.</span></p> <p><em><strong>Harry H Harrison Jr.</strong> is a NYTIMES best selling parenting author with over 3.5 million books in print. He has been interviewed on over 25 television programs, and featured in over 75 local and national radio stations including NPR. His books are available in over thirty-five countries throughout Western Europe, Eastern Europe, Norway, South America, China, Saudi Arabia and in the Far East. For more information visit <a href="http://www.fearlessparenting.com/">www.fearlessparenting.com</a>. </em></p> </div></div></div> Fri, 18 Jul 2014 16:41:32 +0000 Harry Harrison Jr 47404 at https://www.kidsinthehouse.com https://www.kidsinthehouse.com/blogs/harry-harrison-jr/be-the-role-model-you-want-your-kids-to-be#comments Discipline vs. a child's happiness. What's a parent to do? https://www.kidsinthehouse.com/blogs/harry-harrison-jr/discipline-vs-a-childs-happiness-whats-a-parent-to-do <div class="field field-name-field-article-image field-type-image field-label-hidden"><div class="field-items"><div class="field-item even"><img typeof="foaf:Image" src="https://www.kidsinthehouse.com/sites/default/files/discipline_picture_0.jpg" width="600" height="337" alt="" /></div></div></div><div class="field field-name-body field-type-text-with-summary field-label-hidden"><div class="field-items"><div class="field-item even" property="content:encoded"><p>The natural course of human events relies on a child striving to please his parents. A parent striving to please his child is a new phenomenon and one guaranteed to bring civilization to its knees.</p> <p>Many of today’s parents are so fainthearted that the idea of their child being upset with them that they resort to 12-step meetings, shrinks’ couches, and doing really stupid things: like supplying beer kegs to a teenage party, or putting their thirteen-year old on birth control pills, or stay up all night writing a term paper for them.</p> <p>Rules upset children and teenagers. Being told no angers two-year olds and sixteen-year olds.  Suffering consequences of bad behavior can result in slamming doors, moodiness and the silent treatment. If you’re the kind of parent who hurts when their child is mad at them, then it’s easy to wave consequences, forget rules and start saying yes to more and more outlandish demands (i.e. “I want a limo for my seventh grade graduation.“)</p> <p>Why do parents do these things? Because they can’t handle the pressure of their own child’s anger! Like it actually matters if a middle schooler is mad at her parents. Yet today we have a bunch of hard-charging forty-somethings who run companies, chair PTA meetings, and kick box three times a week coming home quaking at the thought their high school junior will be too mad talk to them. Having their kids like them is more important than teaching them honor, integrity, morals and values, because you know, these things are difficult lessons and like, can make our kids upset.</p> <p><strong>Fearless Parents remember a couple of things:</strong></p> <ol> <li><strong>Children are natural-born emotional terrorists. </strong> They can sense weakness in their parents, and they know how to exploit it:  go right for the heart.  They are masters of manipulation and say they hate you because they know it works.</li> <li><strong>If we’re going to be the kind of parents our kids need, we not only have to be able to stand up to their anger, we have to parent through it. </strong></li> <li><strong>Teens especially are emotional basket cases. </strong> Their brains are still developing so trying to reason with them is like trying to reason with a head of cabbage.</li> <li><strong>Fearless Parents allow their child to be angry but not disrespectful or immature.  </strong> They demand angry kids watch their words and behavior.  They accept their child’s anger goes with the job, and that today’s reason for a meltdown will replaced by tomorrow’s.</li> </ol> <p>I know a mom whose petulant teenage daughter wouldn’t speak to her after being chastened for missing her curfew. The daughter wanted the whole world to know she wasn’t speaking to her mom. Even among dinner guests she would ask her dad to ask mom to pass the salt. Carrie didn’t back down. In fact, far from being hurt over her daughter’s anger, Carrie said the silence was golden. Since her daughter wasn’t speaking to her, Carrie saw no reason to cook her daughter’s meals or give her money or tell her when her boyfriend called. After about a week, her daughter saw the hopelessness in her situation. She submitted to authority. She accepted her situation. And became a high-powered attorney.</p> <p>Then there’s Tom, whose seventh grade son angrily pulled a knife on his mother. Tom confiscated the knife, but his son became so furious that Tom broke down and not only gave him back his knife, but bought him a pellet gun to make it up to him! His son is now in rehab for gambling and heroin addiction, completely lost and confused at the age of twenty-nine. Barring an epic miracle, Tom’s lack of rules has sentenced his now grown son to a life of misery.</p> <p>One of the most tragic episodes to hit our sons’ high school was the death of the drill team captain, a beautiful girl whose boyfriend was a star football player in his freshman year at college. For whatever reason, her parents agreed her high school friends could drink alcohol as long as they didn’t drive. They even provided it.  Her mother collected car keys at the door believing she was being a responsible parent. Several drunken hours later, the girl and boy had a fight and he found his keys then stormed off to his car. His girlfriend begged him not to go, and in desperation jumped in before he burned off leaving a trail of rubber.  Police believe he hit the tree at over a hundred miles an hour. </p> <p><strong>Here are 5 things our kids need us to remember:</strong></p> <ol> <li><strong>Parenting is not for cowards.</strong> The best parents don’t give a whit about their kid’s anger.</li> <li><strong>Our kids should be more afraid of our anger that we are of theirs.</strong></li> <li><strong>If we enforce authority when our children are young they accept it when they are older.</strong></li> <li><strong>The adult world has rules and doesn’t really care if our children like them or not.</strong></li> <li><strong>Love means having to stick to consequences.</strong></li> </ol> <p>Our kids need us to be the adult, they need us to be resolute, they need us to be fearless. The fact is, if our children never get angry with us then we’re not doing our job as parents.</p> <p>This article is an excerpt from Fearless Parenting. Raising a Child to Face the Adult World. Find it at <a href="http://www.fearlessparenting.com">www.fearlessparenting.com</a></p> <p><em><strong style="line-height: 1.538em;">Harry H Harrison Jr.</strong><span style="line-height: 1.538em;"> is a NYTIMES best selling parenting author with over 3.5 million books in print. He has been interviewed on over 25 television programs, and featured in over 75 local and national radio stations including NPR. His books are available in over thirty-five countries throughout Western Europe, Eastern Europe, Norway, South America, China, Saudi Arabia and in the Far East. For more information visit </span><a href="http://www.fearlessparenting.com/" style="line-height: 1.538em;">www.harryharrisonjr.com</a></em></p> </div></div></div><div class="field field-name-field-article-expert-reference field-type-node-reference field-label-above"><div class="field-label">Expert Reference:&nbsp;</div><div class="field-items"><div class="field-item even"><a href="/expert/parenting-advice-from-harry-h-harrison-jr">Harry H. Harrison Jr.</a></div></div></div> Fri, 18 Apr 2014 02:25:19 +0000 Harry Harrison Jr 46990 at https://www.kidsinthehouse.com https://www.kidsinthehouse.com/blogs/harry-harrison-jr/discipline-vs-a-childs-happiness-whats-a-parent-to-do#comments Ten Ways to be More of a Parent and Less of a "Wuss" https://www.kidsinthehouse.com/blogs/harry-harrison-jr/ten-ways-to-be-more-of-a-parent-and-less-of-a-wuss <div class="field field-name-field-article-image field-type-image field-label-hidden"><div class="field-items"><div class="field-item even"><img typeof="foaf:Image" src="https://www.kidsinthehouse.com/sites/default/files/177362369.jpg" width="600" height="400" alt="" /></div></div></div><div class="field field-name-body field-type-text-with-summary field-label-hidden"><div class="field-items"><div class="field-item even" property="content:encoded"><p>It seems as if today so many parents don’t actually want to be parents. Oh, they love their kids, they just don’t want to raise them because that can bring up well, using the word <em>“no,”</em> which could lead to tears and crying and the dreaded <em>“You’re not my friend,”</em> or worse, <em>“I hate you.” </em>Then being the guilt buckets we are we rush in and hold their hand and soothe their feelings and tell them of course we’ll buy you a Corvette at 15.</p> <p>Here’s the problem: The natural course of human events relies on a child striving to please his parents. It’s imperative for civilization to continue. A child does things she doesn’t want to do because it necessary to please her parents. A teenager walks away from drugs and alcohol because he fears his father’s wrath worse than his friends’ peer pressure. This is how they learn to make mature decisions which they then take out into the adult world.</p> <p>A parent striving to please his child is a new phenomenon and one guaranteed to bring civilization to its knees. Many of today’s parents are so fainthearted that the idea of their child being upset with them that they resort to 12-step meetings, shrinks’ couches, and doing really stupid things: like supplying beer kegs to a teenage party, or putting their 13-year old on birth control pills, or stay up all night writing a term paper for them.</p> <p>Rules upset children and teenagers. Being told no angers two year olds and sixteen year olds.  Suffering consequences of bad behavior can result in slamming doors, moodiness and the silent treatment. If you’re the kind of parent who hurts when their child is mad at them, then it’s easy to wave consequences, forget rules and start saying yes to more and more outlandish demands (i.e. <em>“I want a limo for my seventh grade graduation, etc.”</em>).</p> <p><span style="line-height: 1.538em;">Why do parents do these things? Because they can’t handle the pressure of their own child’s anger! Like it actually matters if a middle schooler is mad at her parents. Yet today we have a bunch of hard-charging forty-somethings who run companies, chair PTA meetings, and kick-box three times a week coming home quaking at the thought their high school junior will be too mad talk to them. Having their kids like them is more important than teaching them honor, integrity, morals and values, because you know, these things are difficult lessons and like, can make our kids upset.</span></p> <p><strong>Fearless Parents remember ten things.</strong></p> <ol> <li>Children are natural-born emotional terrorists. They can sense weakness in their parents, and they know how to exploit it:  go right for the heart.  They are masters of manipulation and say they hate you because they know it works.</li> <li><span style="line-height: 1.538em;">We need to remember is if we’re going to be the kind of parents our kids need, we not only have to be able to stand up to their anger, we have to parent through it.</span></li> <li><span style="line-height: 1.538em;">Don’t forget teens especially are emotional basket cases. Their brains are still developing so trying to reason with them is like trying to reason with a head of cabbage. You can’t change their thinking but YOU CAN change how your react to it.</span></li> <li><span style="line-height: 1.538em;">Allow your child to be angry but not disrespectful or immature.</span></li> <li><span style="line-height: 1.538em;">You don’t have to be seething to express your anger. When they deserve it, show them flashes of anger and demand change even though you can turn around and wink at their mother. The key issue is who’s trying to please who.</span></li> <li><span style="line-height: 1.538em;">Insist that when they are angry they watch their words and behavior. </span></li> <li><span style="line-height: 1.538em;">Accept your child’s anger goes with the job, and that today’s reason for a meltdown will replaced by tomorrow’s.</span></li> <li><span style="line-height: 1.538em;">Realize the less you react to your child’s anger and the more you just accept it, the less of problem it will continue to be for both of you.</span></li> <li><span style="line-height: 1.538em;">Don’t explain <em>“No.”</em> <em>“My house, my rules, no,”</em> is really all you have to say. Anything more they can argue with.</span></li> <li><span style="line-height: 1.538em;">Accept the fact you can be mad at your child, you can even yell at your child, you can throw down consequences for bad behavior but that doesn’t mean you don’t love your child.</span></li> </ol> <p>Fearless parents know abandoning their child when they really need a parent just to be their friend isn’t just spineless, it’s a disaster. With no rules, no consequences, no expectations, no discipline we’re raising a generation of kids who will stay kids forever.</p> <p>Our kids need us to be the adult, they need us to be resolute, they need us to be fearless. The fact is, if our children never get angry with us, then we’re not doing our job as parents. </p> </div></div></div> Fri, 21 Mar 2014 16:48:29 +0000 Harry Harrison Jr 46744 at https://www.kidsinthehouse.com https://www.kidsinthehouse.com/blogs/harry-harrison-jr/ten-ways-to-be-more-of-a-parent-and-less-of-a-wuss#comments