Dr. Marcie Beigel's blog https://www.kidsinthehouse.com/blogs/dr-marcie-beigel en You Are Not at War With Your Child https://www.kidsinthehouse.com/blogs/dr-marcie-beigel/you-are-not-at-war-with-your-child <div class="field field-name-field-article-image field-type-image field-label-hidden"><div class="field-items"><div class="field-item even"><img typeof="foaf:Image" src="https://www.kidsinthehouse.com/sites/default/files/handling-bad-child-behavior.jpg" width="741" height="507" alt="dealing with bad child behavior" /></div></div></div><div class="field field-name-body field-type-text-with-summary field-label-hidden"><div class="field-items"><div class="field-item even" property="content:encoded"><p>Happy July! Summer fun is in full swing. Trips to the park, family vacations, and other adventures are a weekly, if not daily, occurrence. You’re probably spending a lot more time with your small beings than usual, so are creating many cherished memories.</p> <p>And you’re also dealing with moments that make you feel like you’re in a war zone. <strong>Have you ever felt like you’re battling against your children? Like your kids need to be “taught a lesson”? Many families are experiencing this right now, so you wouldn’t be alone.</strong></p> <p>Here’s a potential – and common – scenario. You are at a family BBQ with cousins who you have not seen since last summer. All the kids are running around in the grass except for your child. She is sitting on the sidelines yelling and pulling food off the picnic table.</p> <p>You are mortified!<strong> You go into sergeant mode and attempt to teach your daughter that this is not how to behave. </strong>A piece of you knows this is simply to show your relatives that you have not completely lost control of your family, even though deep down that is how you feel.</p> <p>So, you march up to your child and threaten her with no dessert. You make a bargain: one more hour of good behavior for a new toy truck. All of your attempts make things worse. <strong>Eventually you give up, pick her up, and head home.</strong></p> <p>Once home, the princess you love dearly returns. You are defeated, confused, and exhausted. You swear never to attend a family function again … or at least not till next summer.</p> <p>If this happens to you just once a summer, then consider yourself blessed. If this happens to you on a weekly basis, then let’s talk! <strong>There is one secret that changes this dynamic, ensuring that you and your daughter will enjoy the rest of the summer with more ease.</strong></p> <p>Simple remember that you and your child are on the same team. When you go into warlord mode against your own child you are dividing your family unit. You and your child should always be on the same side, even when you don’t agree.</p> <p><strong>Let me repeat, you are on the same team as your child!</strong></p> <p>This means that you set up this dynamic starting with the trip to get to the family gathering. <strong>Let your child know that if something is hard or overwhelming to come talk with you about it before she acts up.</strong> When she knows that she can ask to go for a walk or she can sit inside in a quiet place this will improve her behavior, as she won’t feel trapped.</p> <p><strong>Another option is to take breaks throughout the event.</strong> Most children do not know how to pace themselves and your small being is no exception. Taking periodic walks, just you and your daughter, may increase her stamina. It will also give you a chance to point out how well she is doing and to remind her to keep her behavior moving in the right direction.</p> <p><strong>This adjustment requires you to shift your expectations.</strong> If your child has had their limit of socialization and a pause in activity doesn’t restore her, then you probably need to leave the gathering, as much as you don’t want to. Yes, this is unfair to you as the parent, but it is part of your role. There are many times that you need to put your child’s needs ahead of your own and this is one of them.</p> <p>Remember, you are a family. No matter what behavior you face, do know that you are part of the solution.</p> <p> </p> <p><strong>For a special gift especially for Kids in the House readers please visit: <a href="http://bit.ly/DrM-KITH">bit.ly/vid-nyp</a></strong></p> <p>Dr. Marcie is a behavior specialist based in Brooklyn. She has worked with thousands of families over 15 years and has condensed her observations into her practice and programs. <a href="http://www.BehaviorAndBeyond.net">www.BehaviorAndBeyond.net</a></p> </div></div></div> Thu, 30 Jun 2016 17:17:24 +0000 Dr. Marcie Beigel 49765 at https://www.kidsinthehouse.com https://www.kidsinthehouse.com/blogs/dr-marcie-beigel/you-are-not-at-war-with-your-child#comments A Balancing Act! https://www.kidsinthehouse.com/blogs/dr-marcie-beigel/a-balancing-act <div class="field field-name-field-article-image field-type-image field-label-hidden"><div class="field-items"><div class="field-item even"><img typeof="foaf:Image" src="https://www.kidsinthehouse.com/sites/default/files/deathtostock_notstock5.jpg" width="5409" height="3606" alt="" /></div></div></div><div class="field field-name-body field-type-text-with-summary field-label-hidden"><div class="field-items"><div class="field-item even" property="content:encoded"><p>Your role as a parent is a balancing act. You’re on the tightrope juggling school vs. home, nutrition vs. treats, play vs. discipline.</p> <p>And you have something else to manage that many parents don’t understand: being a parent of a child vs. being a parent of a child with special needs.</p> <p>Sometimes your child has an undesired behavior because, well, they’re a kid.</p> <p>But other times it’s based on their developmental challenges.</p> <p><strong>While there is never an excuse for challenging behavior, the difference in origin will effect how you address your child.</strong></p> <p>It’s a delicate balance! Let’s outline a set of guidelines to assist in making the determination. Having this knowledge can help you to parent more effectively.</p> <ul> <li><strong>Consider the location</strong>: Does your child have problem behavior in some locations and not others? This is an indicator that the problem behavior is actually a behavior and not connected to their special needs. If your child is an angel at school and a devil at home, consider what may be possible at home. Speak with the classroom teachers to get some ideas of how they address problem behaviors.<br />  </li> <li><strong>To whom is the behavior directed?:</strong> Differentiation of people is another way to identify the root cause of challenges. Does your child eat a great lunch with your babysitter but will not take even one bite with you? Ask your babysitter exactly what they’re doing during their mealtime and integrate that into your own mealtime.<br />  </li> <li><strong>Think about basic human needs:</strong> Being tired or hungry will exaggerate problem behavior and make it worse. If you’re noticing the start to problem behavior, this might be a great time to offer a snack. Offering food at the onset could provide the fuel your child needs and the piece of mind you want.</li> </ul> <p>When you know your small beings actions are strictly from behavioral causes, then the need to address it becomes clearer. Your role as a parent becomes easier with clarity. You will know what you need to address and what you may decide to let go.</p> <p>Each child is unique and each situation may have its own root cause. Consider your family and see how you can apply these guidelines to your small being.</p> <p>For more help with behavior visit grab these free resources made exclusively for Kids in the House readers at: <a href="http://bit.ly/DrM-KITH">bit.ly/DrM-KITH</a></p> <p>Dr. Marcie is a behavioral therapist based in Brooklyn. She has worked with thousands of families over 15 years and has condensed her observations into her practice and programs. <a href="http://www.BehaviorAndBeyond.net">www.BehaviorAndBeyond.net</a></p> </div></div></div> Sun, 04 Oct 2015 19:50:47 +0000 Dr. Marcie Beigel 49223 at https://www.kidsinthehouse.com https://www.kidsinthehouse.com/blogs/dr-marcie-beigel/a-balancing-act#comments The Disservice You Probably Don’t Even Realize You’re Doing to Your Kids https://www.kidsinthehouse.com/blogs/dr-marcie-beigel/the-disservice-you-probably-dont-even-realize-youre-doing-to-your-kids <div class="field field-name-field-article-image field-type-image field-label-hidden"><div class="field-items"><div class="field-item even"><img typeof="foaf:Image" src="https://www.kidsinthehouse.com/sites/default/files/depositphotos_11662765_m_0.jpg" width="1732" height="1155" alt="" /></div></div></div><div class="field field-name-body field-type-text-with-summary field-label-hidden"><div class="field-items"><div class="field-item even" property="content:encoded"><p>Your child is amazing and unique. When you see him clean up without asking or put his dish in the sink without a reminder, you believe that every cell in his body is pure love.</p> <p>Then there are the other moments. Last week she pulled all the boxes off the shelf at CVS after biting her friend at the playground, and if that wasn’t enough, today she declares that she doesn’t have to listen to you in front of her teacher and looks right at you as she pours his milk on his sister.</p> <p>It’s not the most flattering day behavior is it?</p> <p>What to do?</p> <p>You know that keeping your child within reach at all times is exhausting.<br /> Not leaving the house is another option, but then who will do the errands?<br /> You can make excuses for the bad behavior: He’s tired. Hungry. Coming down with something.</p> <p>I’ve got some unfortunate news: When you make excuses or completely avoid a challenging situation you do your child a disservice.</p> <p>That means that the ultimate solution is to address the behavior. </p> <p>I’ve seen children with ADHD sit and focus on their homework, kids with ODD listen to every direction given and kiddos with autism navigate overwhelming social situations. If these kids can be successful, then so can your child.</p> <p>The solution on how to make this happen comes in two parts:</p> <p>1. Stop making excuses for your small beings. They are capable of learning anything if you teach them in the right way. If you allow the problem behavior to be okay, then they learn that it is okay and it is more likely the behavior will happen again in the future. Your language alone can change this piece.<br /> 2. Look realistically at the challenging behavior. Decide if it really needs to change. If it does, great! Then take one step towards the desired behavior and start celebrating the small progress your child makes. If it does not need to change, then stop commenting on it and let it happen.<br /> 3. Teach your children rather than punish them. When problem behavior props up, we often react with our own frustration. Problem behavior is often repeated, so you may be able to predict when it is coming. Be proactive and get yourself ready to teach your child rather than yell once they misbehave.<br /> 4. Create teaching opportunities. We generally avoid things that we do not enjoy, so we often do not put children in situations that will be challenging. The best way to get them to practice is to put your child in situations that are mildly difficult and use small steps to build up successes!</p> <p>I’ll be your cheerleader here: Stop making excuses and start putting in the hard work to make behavior change happen!</p> <p>For more help with behavior please visit my page made exclusively for Kids in the House readers at: <a href="http://bit.ly/DrM-KITH">bit.ly/DrM-KITH</a></p> <p><em>Dr. Marcie is a behavioral therapist based in Brooklyn. She has worked with thousands of families over 15 years and has condensed her observations into her practice and programs</em></p> </div></div></div> Thu, 17 Sep 2015 18:31:56 +0000 Dr. Marcie Beigel 49136 at https://www.kidsinthehouse.com https://www.kidsinthehouse.com/blogs/dr-marcie-beigel/the-disservice-you-probably-dont-even-realize-youre-doing-to-your-kids#comments Essential Back-to-School Behavior Tips from a Certified Behavior Therapist https://www.kidsinthehouse.com/blogs/dr-marcie-beigel/essential-back-to-school-behavior-tips-from-a-certified-behavior-therapist <div class="field field-name-field-article-image field-type-image field-label-hidden"><div class="field-items"><div class="field-item even"><img typeof="foaf:Image" src="https://www.kidsinthehouse.com/sites/default/files/depositphotos_30647975_m.jpg" width="1732" height="1155" alt="" /></div></div></div><div class="field field-name-body field-type-text-with-summary field-label-hidden"><div class="field-items"><div class="field-item even" property="content:encoded"><p>New York feels different when the summer comes to a close and September hits.</p> <p>And it's not just that the commercials start marketing all the back to school sales :) Vacations come to a close and rules start going back into place. Structure and routines become more important and time feels more sparse.</p> <p>Along with that, stores feel more crowded with everyone buying new lunch bags and finding the perfect first-day-of-school outfits. Around 8am and 3pm the streets get more crowded with the bustle of school drop off and pick up.</p> <p>Switching into school mode is not something that happens easily. For a smooth transition into the school year, you need to put some thought and effort into it. With a touch of planning you can have your family off to the best school year yet!</p> <p>Tips for an Easy Breazy Transition to School</p> <ul> <li>Create a calendar. Writing down what is happening when will not only keep you organized but it will also help your small being organized. Depending on your family, you might want to make a weekly calendar or a monthly calendar. Mark down school days, non-school days and weekends. September has many holidays and school phase ins, a calendar will keep all the days clear. This clear visual representation of time will create clear expectations for everyone.</li> <li>If you small beings are not reading yet, use pictures. You can create it as a family project and put it where everyone in your family can see. An added bonus of creating a calendar is the independence for your children to know their own schedule, so you may want to consider maintaining it throughout the school year.</li> <li>Talk to your kids about the changes that come with the school year.  Don’t let it just sneak up and surprise everyone. Don’t change the rules of the house without talking with your small beings about them.</li> <li>Use language that is age appropriate and concise. They do not need every detail, just a general understanding. Have conversations about what is expected behavior now that school is starting and summer is coming to a close. Talking about what is to come and what behavior is appropriate for each environment allows for clear expectations.</li> <li>Start your school routine before school actually starts.  Don't have the night before school be the first night that your small beings actually goes to bed at bedtime.</li> </ul> <p> For a few days before school starts, get your family in a routine similar to school. That might look like, waking up early, getting all ready and out of the house at the same time you would need to for school, then spending a big chunk of the day out of the house (at playgrounds, on playdates, running errands) and then come home for afternoon relaxation, dinner and then a solid bedtime routine.</p> <p>The more regulated you can make the routine before school starts, the easier the transition to school will be.</p> <p>One Tip for You:</p> <p>Recognize that school days result in different behaviors from your kids. All summer, whether they were in camp or just spending days outside, there was more physical activity. Your children were physically exhausted at the end of the day. Being in school is generally more mentally tiring. So frustration tolerance may shift as energy levels change. Set your expectations for your small beings behavior so that you can be patient as the behavior shifts.</p> <p><em>Dr. Marcie is a behavioral therapist based in Brooklyn. She has worked with thousands of families over 15 years and has condensed her observations into her practice and programs. For a free opportunity to bring your behavior questions to Dr. Marcie visit <a href="http://bit.ly/drmrask">bit.ly/drmrask</a></em></p> <p> </p> </div></div></div> Fri, 28 Aug 2015 22:37:25 +0000 Dr. Marcie Beigel 49012 at https://www.kidsinthehouse.com https://www.kidsinthehouse.com/blogs/dr-marcie-beigel/essential-back-to-school-behavior-tips-from-a-certified-behavior-therapist#comments The Truth is Out – You’re an Amazing Parent! https://www.kidsinthehouse.com/blogs/dr-marcie-beigel/the-truth-is-out-youre-an-amazing-parent <div class="field field-name-field-article-image field-type-image field-label-hidden"><div class="field-items"><div class="field-item even"><img typeof="foaf:Image" src="https://www.kidsinthehouse.com/sites/default/files/you_an_amazing_parent.png" width="800" height="800" alt="" /></div></div></div><div class="field field-name-body field-type-text-with-summary field-label-hidden"><div class="field-items"><div class="field-item even" property="content:encoded"><p><span style="font-size: 13.0080003738403px; line-height: 1.538em;">Give yourself a hand! For real, stop what you’re doing right now. Put the mouse or iPad down for just a moment and give yourself a hand. Stand up tall and celebrate you, because you’re an amazing parent! I’m not only saying this because Parent’s Day is July 26th; I’m making this proclamation because it is true every single day of the year.</span></p> <p>You might be thinking, “What does Dr. Marcie know about me?” Well, several things that you’re doing right now let me know that you’re a great parent.</p> <p>1. You are reading a parenting website: This shows you’re interested in learning how to improve yourself and that is an indication that you at least know enough to be curious.</p> <p>2. You are reading a column written by a behavior therapist (me!). You’re aware that all children and parents have behavior problems. It’s amazing that you’re proactive about this reality.</p> <p>3. You actually took the time to celebrate yourself (and if you haven’t yet, then do it now!). You recognize that reinforcement is a good step to keep humans happy. So, you’re considering giving yourself some of the praise that you so heavily provide to your children.</p> <p>There are so many ways find more information and in the parenting world, there are an overwhelming number of different techniques, tools, strategies, opinions and perspectives about what you’re doing wrong and how you can do it better. It can be a real challenge for a contemporary parent, because the cacophony of voices constantly tells you that you’re messing up.</p> <p>In this moment, let’s focus on what you’re doing right! You’re taking the time to read lots of views and opinions. You’re considering what experts say and then living your life! At just the right moment, you’ll recall something you read somewhere, give it a try, and realize it was a great strategy. At other moments, you’ll follow your own parenting instinct that has guided you well time and time again. You will realize that you do know what you are doing!</p> <p>Are there moments when you’re less than perfect as a parent? Of course, you’re human! Are there times when you wish you made a different choice? Of course, you’re human! Let’s remember, however, that being a parent is not about beating yourself up every time you hit a bump. The key is to recognize what you did well and repeat the same action again in the future.</p> <p>Being aware of the choices you make and reflection on what you did well or not is the key to being a great parent.</p> <p>After all, isn’t this what we teach our kids? To become really great at something, you need lots of practice. You’ll make mistakes and that is okay. It’s about recognizing the mistakes and learning from them, then trying your best the next time. You’re doing this! Keep it up!</p> <p>Keep learning, growing, and exploring new parenting ideas, theories, and tools. Keep celebrating all the good moments you have as a parent, as that is the best way to become an even greater parent!​</p> </div></div></div> Wed, 15 Jul 2015 17:44:38 +0000 Dr. Marcie Beigel 48817 at https://www.kidsinthehouse.com https://www.kidsinthehouse.com/blogs/dr-marcie-beigel/the-truth-is-out-youre-an-amazing-parent#comments