Kim Cook's blog https://www.kidsinthehouse.com/blogs/kim-cook en Body Image and the Preschool Child: Tips for creating a positive home environment https://www.kidsinthehouse.com/blogs/kim-cook/body-image-and-the-preschool-child-tips-for-creating-a-positive-home-environment <div class="field field-name-field-article-image field-type-image field-label-hidden"><div class="field-items"><div class="field-item even"><img typeof="foaf:Image" src="https://www.kidsinthehouse.com/sites/default/files/twc_dpc_girl_jumping_opt.jpg" width="1024" height="678" alt="" /></div></div></div><div class="field field-name-body field-type-text-with-summary field-label-hidden"><div class="field-items"><div class="field-item even" property="content:encoded"><p>As parents are well aware it is common for preteens, both boys and girls, to self-evaluate their appearance. Yet did you know that preschoolers are already forming ideas about body image that will last a lifetime? In a recent study by <u><strong><a href="http://link.springer.com/article/10.1007%2Fs11199-010-9868-1">Jennifer A. Harriger, et al.</a></strong></u> it was found that children as young as three are already beginning to understand that “thin” is the ideal which society values as attractive. This requires adults in their lives to take a step back and evaluate the messages we inadvertently send our children. After all, our goal as parents is to create an environment in which a healthy body image can be developed.</p> <p>There are some simple strategies to help promote healthy body image in our little ones. Try incorporating a few of these suggestions each day as you interact with your child.</p> <p><strong><em>Successes</em></strong>: Praise your child’s efforts rather than their accomplishments. This reward system is becoming commonly encouraged among educators and parents. Rewarding effort encourages children to work to the best of their ability, therefore developing mastery. Rewarding accomplishment is evaluated externally and can prove frustrating when not getting the praise they are expecting.</p> <p><strong><em>Appearance</em></strong>: Exclaim what a lovely color their dress/shirt is, rather than how attractive they are while wearing the outfit. “That color really brings out the blue in your eyes!”.</p> <p><strong><em>Values</em></strong>: Flatter your child with complements regarding their values. For example, notice when they are friendly to their neighbor or help out a friend. Kindness and friendliness are traits that can be encouraged and further developed over the years.</p> <p><strong><em>Media</em></strong>: Be aware of the messages media is sending our children about gender specific roles and appearance. Little girls are not-so-subtly reminded to be beautiful princesses. Our little boys are not-so-subtly reminded to be strong superheroes with iron-abs in which to “save” the princesses. Take time to talk about what real males and females are all about. Read this <strong><a href="http://www.parentscanada.com/family-life/are-superheroes-and-video-games-affecting-boys-body-image">great essay by Naomi Perks</a></strong> in which she addresses external influences young boys face.</p> <p><strong><em>Mealtime</em></strong>: As a child, a common mealtime mantra was “take what you want, eat what you take.”  Needless to say, my eyes were bigger than my stomach and sometimes I innocently took more than I could eat. Keep in mind that children will eat when they are hungry and will usually stop eating when they have had enough. Encouraging them to eat, even when their little tummies are full, makes it difficult for children to tune into their internal hunger signals. Instead, wrap up their leftovers and offer it to them for lunch the next day.</p> <p><strong><em>Eating habits</em></strong>: Explain to kids about foods they can always eat (vegetables, fruit, lean meat, whole grains) and foods they can sometimes eat (sugary treats). This will help them continue healthy eating habits as they grow.</p> <p><strong><em>Parental influence</em>:</strong> When looking in the mirror avoid self-depreciating comments. You have a little extra ‘cush in the tush’? So what. Your child looks at you with love and admiration, not with a mental measuring tape. By embracing your body - whatever form it takes - your child will learn to embrace their own body. Remind them of all the amazing things a body can do.</p> <p>Of course we have to get real. Yes, our son looks super handsome in his new suit. Yes, our daughter looks beautiful in her cool outfit. A little praise for their appearance on occasion will not hurt them. In fact, we do want them to take pride in their appearance as they go through life. There is a difference between taking pride in appearance and becoming obsessed with the ideal, however. Take a look in the proverbial mirror. Appreciate how our subtle cues influence our children’s developing body image. We can cultivate a healthy appreciation of what a “perfect body” truly is; a vessel in which to enjoy life, experience adventure, and impact the world in whatever positive manner we choose. </p> <p> </p> <p> </p> </div></div></div> Sun, 20 Mar 2016 20:06:58 +0000 Kim Cook 49598 at https://www.kidsinthehouse.com https://www.kidsinthehouse.com/blogs/kim-cook/body-image-and-the-preschool-child-tips-for-creating-a-positive-home-environment#comments HPV Vaccine: Know the Facts, Make the Choice https://www.kidsinthehouse.com/blogs/kim-cook/hpv-vaccine-know-the-facts-make-the-choice <div class="field field-name-field-article-image field-type-image field-label-hidden"><div class="field-items"><div class="field-item even"><img typeof="foaf:Image" src="https://www.kidsinthehouse.com/sites/default/files/twc_dpc_teens_opt.jpg" width="1400" height="933" alt="" /></div></div></div><div class="field field-name-body field-type-text-with-summary field-label-hidden"><div class="field-items"><div class="field-item even" property="content:encoded"><p>Like politics, <a href="http://www.ashasexualhealth.org/stdsstis/hpv/"><span style="color:#0000ff;">human papillomavirus</span></a>, or HPV, is a very interesting topic to bring up at parties. Conversations run the gamut from “Are we talking about sex!?” to “I heard the vaccine is really dangerous.” Being an educator, I find myself faced with the dilemma of putting on my “teacher hat” or just listening to comments. It all depends on how much alcohol has been consumed by those involved in the conversation.</p> <p>At this particular moment however, I am sitting in my kitchen, looking at the wintry landscape before my eyes, and pondering how to write this piece without putting my personal opinion front and center. Let me give the facts, and let readers come to their own conclusion.</p> <p style="text-align: center;"><strong>What is Human Papillomavirus?</strong></p> <p>Let me begin by emphasizing that <a href="https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/stds-hiv-safer-sex/hpv"><span style="color:#0000ff;">HPV</span></a> is not the same virus as HIV. The abbreviations look very similar, however <a href="https://www.aids.gov/hiv-aids-basics/hiv-aids-101/what-is-hiv-aids/"><span style="color:#0000ff;"><span style="background-color:#ffffff;">HIV is human immunodeficiency </span></span></a>virus, the virus that may develop into AIDS.</p> <p><a href="http://www.cdc.gov/hpv/"><span style="color:#0000ff;">HPV</span></a>, on the other hand, is a virus that is also spread through sexual contact, but not necessarily sexual intercourse. The virus is happy with a little skin contact, therefore it is very easily spread, even when using a condom. In fact, 80% of all people have been infected with this virus at some point. If you have had sex, you probably have had HPV at some point. Yes, you likely have had a sexually transmitted infection (STI) and did not even know it - it typically does not present any symptoms.</p> <p>There are over 170 types of HPV. Fortunately for most people, our body’s immune system is able to deal with HPV; after about 6 months to a couple of years the body naturally rids itself of the virus.</p> <p>However, there are certain strains that have been identified as troublemakers for some people. These particular strains may cause cervical cancer, anal cancer, penile cancer, vulvar cancer, vaginal cancer and a variety of oral cancers (mouth, throat). Other strains may cause genital warts.</p> <p>Please note that different strains cause different infections: Strains that cause cancer do not typically cause warts, and vice-versa.</p> <p>Currently, there is no way to predict if:</p> <ul> <li>a daughter is going to be one of the 120,000 women diagnosed with <a href="http://www.nccc-online.org/hpvcervical-cancer/cervical-cancer-overview/"><span style="color:#0000ff;">cervical cancer</span></a> each year.</li> <li>a child will be one of the growing number of individuals diagnosed with other cancers such as penile, oral, or anal. Currently the number is almost <a href="http://www.cdc.gov/std/tg2015/hpv.htm"><span style="color:#0000ff;">35,000 a year.</span></a></li> <li>a child will be one of <a href="http://www.cdc.gov/std/tg2015/hpv.htm"><span style="color:#0000ff;">355,000 people</span></a> diagnosed each year with genital warts.</li> <li>a child will ever have any <a href="http://www.webmd.com/sexual-conditions/hpv-genital-warts/hpv-virus-information-about-human-papillomavirus"><span style="color:#0000ff;">diseases caused by HPV infection</span></a>.</li> </ul> <p style="text-align: center;"><strong>Vaccinations</strong></p> <p>One mother wrote and asked,</p> <p><em>“As a mom to a 9 year old girl, the topic of HPV vaccines will be quickly approaching my radar.  I don’t necessarily understand the vaccine itself.  Does it completely prevent the virus?  Are boosters required down the road if my daughter gets the initial vaccine?”</em></p> <p>Excellent question, and one that every parent of a youngster should be evaluating.</p> <p>The vaccine is given to boys and girls around ages 11 or 12. The doses are given as a three-part series over a six month period. The vaccine should be given before the child is sexually experimenting to benefit from its intended purpose of preventing HPV infection.</p> <p>There are three vaccines currently available; Cervarex, Gardasil, and Gardasil-9. The difference between the three lies in the number of strains it fights. Gardasil-9 is the newest of the trio; it is effective against 9 strains of HPV rather than 2 or 4.</p> <p>According to the <a href="http://www.ashasexualhealth.org/stdsstis/hpv/hpv-vaccines/"><span style="color:#0000ff;">American Sexual Health Association</span></a>, Gardasil “….is approximately 100% effective in preventing infection with HPV 6 and 11, which together are responsible for nearly all instances of genital warts.” So yes, it works.</p> <p>As far as boosters, once your child receives the series of three injections over six months, there is no need for a booster at this point. If your child only had one or two of the three doses, it is recommended that they receive the missed doses even if the six months have passed. They have until age 26 to do so.</p> <p>The vaccine costs about $120 per dose for a total of $360. Most insurance companies cover the cost. However if one’s insurance does not cover this, or if you do not have insurance, Gardasil participates in the <a href="http://www.gardasil.com/how-to-get-gardasil/assistance-programs/"><span style="color:#0000ff;">Vaccine For Children (VFC) program</span></a>. The VFC program will enable your child to receive the vaccine at no cost if your family meets certain requirements.</p> <p style="text-align: center;"><strong>Safety of Vaccines</strong></p> <p>Another mother wrote with concerns about safety. She stated,</p> <p><em>“I never gave my girls the vaccine because I was very afraid of the long term effects. Because the vaccine was new, I didn't feel comfortable giving it them. Years later, I have heard some sad stories of side effects that some girls developed because of the Gardasil vaccine (deregulates the immune system and causes viruses). It's scary to give your children vaccines and not knowing if you are helping them or making it worse.”</em></p> <p>Concerns over vaccine safety is common and understandable - after all, we are talking about the health of our children. I respect parents who take the time to find out all they can about vaccines.</p> <p>According to a study released by the CDC’s Morbidity and Mortality Weekly Report <a href="http://www.cdc.gov/mmwr/preview/mmwrhtml/mm6411a3.htm"><span style="color:#0000ff;">(Markowitz LE, Dunne EF, Saraiya M, et al. Human Papillomavirus Vaccination: Recommendations of the Advisory Committee on Immunization Practices (ACIP). MMWR Morb Mortal Wkly Rep. 2014;65(RR05):1-30.)</span></a>,  the most common side effect is tenderness, swelling, and bruising at the injection site, dizziness after the injection is given, and skin infection at the injection site. I remember my daughters experiencing tenderness at the injection site which  lasted a couple of days. If you have a big event in which a child is, say, pitching in a big game, you may want to schedule around that. Otherwise, the side effects for the general population are no different than any other immunization that is typically given to children.</p> <p>If your child has had a previous allergic reaction to Gardasil or any other immunization, has an autoimmune disease, has a latex or yeast sensitivity, or is pregnant it is best to talk to your healthcare provider to assess the risk/benefit to your child. It is likely the vaccine will not be given, depending on the circumstance. Keep in mind that anyone at anytime can have a reaction to any immunization, but it is quite rare. Sort of like peanut butter or shellfish allergies; you do not withhold peanut butter from your child because you heard your neighbor’s child reacted to peanut butter. Everyone is different.</p> <p>Physicians are to report any adverse reactions of immunizations to the Vaccine Adverse Event Reporting System (VAERS), so anything unusual is documented and reported. For more information about the safety of the HPV vaccine, click on this <a href="http://www.cdc.gov/vaccinesafety/vaccines/hpv/hpv-safety-faqs.html#A6"><span style="color:#0000ff;">link to the CDC</span></a> about safety facts.</p> <p>There are many scientific, well-researched reports of the safety of the HPV vaccine that conclude there are no severe side effects, even long-term. Click <a href="http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4262378/"><span style="color:#0000ff;">here</span></a> and <a href="http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/23027469"><span style="color:#0000ff;">here</span></a> and <a href="http://www.who.int/vaccine_safety/committee/topics/hpv/statement_Dec_2015/en/"><span style="color:#0000ff;">here</span></a> for more detailed information.</p> <p style="text-align: center;"><strong>What is the Global Perspective regarding HPV Vaccination?</strong></p> <p>I asked my daughter who has a graduate degree in infectious disease to offer her thoughts. She suggested I look at Australia’s <a href="http://www.hpvvaccine.org.au/the-hpv-vaccine/why-was-the-program-introduced.aspx"><span style="color:#0000ff;">HPV prevention program</span></a> - they are hugely successful in immunizing their population against HPV, unlike the United States. In the United States, only <a href="http://www.ashasexualhealth.org/hpv-vaccine-rates-are-up-but/"><span style="color:#0000ff;">37.6% of girls and 13.9%</span></a> of boys completed their series of three immunizations in 2013. In contrast, in the Land Down Under, <a href="http://www.hpvregister.org.au/research/coverage-data/HPV-Vaccination-Coverage-2014"><span style="color:#0000ff;">73.1% of girls</span></a> and<a href="http://www.hpvregister.org.au/research/coverage-data/HPV-Vaccination-Coverage-2014---Male"><span style="color:#0000ff;"> 60% of boys</span></a> have completed their series, according to 2014 data. The difference? Australian government felt the repercussions of HPV infection warranted a national program to offer free vaccines to all their 12-13 year old students … in school…at no cost. I’m not kidding. All students. Voluntary program. In school. Free. And parents said, “Heck, yes!” (Well, I’m not really sure anyone said that.)</p> <p>There is currently a worldwide effort to vaccinate as many women as possible against HPV. The World Health Organization (WHO) supports global immunization. An organization called <a href="http://www.gavi.org/support/nvs/human-papillomavirus-vaccine-support/"><span style="color:#0000ff;">GAVI</span></a> is currently introducing HPV vaccination programs worldwide. However, other countries such as Hong Kong have a very low compliance rate.</p> <p><strong>Bottom line:</strong></p> <ul> <li>HPV is a virus that is primarily transmitted through sexual contact.</li> <li>HPV is spread by skin-to-skin contact, therefore a condom will not prevent the disease from spreading, but it may decrease the odds.</li> <li>Most adults will have HPV at some point in their lives.</li> <li>Most healthy immune systems naturally fight the virus off within two years.</li> <li>There are over 170 strains of HPV.</li> <li>Certain strains have been found to be the primary causes of genital warts and certain cancers. The cancers include cervical, penile, anal, vaginal, throat, and oral cancer.</li> <li>Oropharyngeal (throat, mouth) cancers rose 225% between 1998 and 2004 due to HPV according to the <a href="http://ashasexualhealth.org/pdfs/HPV_Toolkit_2015.pdf"><span style="color:#0000ff;">American Sexual Health Association</span></a>.</li> <li>Vaccines are available for children starting at age 11 or 12.</li> <li>99% of cervical cancer is caused by HPV.</li> <li>Since 2007, when the vaccine was first given, the HPV infection rate has <a href="http://www.ashasexualhealth.org/stdsstis/hpv/hpv-vaccines/"><span style="color:#0000ff;">decreased 56%</span></a>.</li> <li>170,000,000 doses have been given worldwide according to the <a href="http://www.who.int/vaccine_safety/committee/topics/hpv/130619HPV_VaccineGACVSstatement.pdf"><span style="color:#0000ff;">World Health Organization</span></a>.</li> <li>Always discuss any concerns about HPV and other vaccines with your healthcare provider.</li> </ul> <p>Parents have the option to allow their child to be vaccinated against HPV. The best way to make an informed decision is to base your conclusions on research and evaluation and a consult with your healthcare provider. Use the links provided in this blog to read further. Next time you are discussing the pros and cons of vaccinating children against HPV at a party, take a sip of wine, smile and nod, and share your knowledge. Or change the topic to the upcoming election; certainly there are no conflicts on that topic, right?</p> <p>For more information about cervical health and HPV, read my latest post on my website <a href="http://www.teenworldconfidential.com"><span style="color:#0000ff;">TeenWorldConfidential</span></a> called <a href="http://www.teenworldconfidential.com/lets-talk-cervical-health/"><span style="color:#0000ff;">"Let's Talk: Cervical Health"</span></a>. </p> <p>For a personal perspective on cervical cancer, click on the link to "<a href="http://www.teenworldconfidential.com/a-moment-with-marcy-a-cervical-cancer-survivors-thoughtful-reflection/"><span style="color:#0000ff;">A Moment with Marcy: A Cervical Cancer Survivor's Thoughtful Reflection.</span></a>"</p> <p> </p> </div></div></div> Wed, 20 Jan 2016 22:57:07 +0000 Kim Cook 49464 at https://www.kidsinthehouse.com https://www.kidsinthehouse.com/blogs/kim-cook/hpv-vaccine-know-the-facts-make-the-choice#comments Be real, be you, and be awesome this holiday season https://www.kidsinthehouse.com/blogs/kim-cook/be-real-be-you-and-be-awesome-this-holiday-season <div class="field field-name-field-article-image field-type-image field-label-hidden"><div class="field-items"><div class="field-item even"><img typeof="foaf:Image" src="https://www.kidsinthehouse.com/sites/default/files/twc_dpc_red_socks_by_fire_0_0.jpg" width="4368" height="2912" alt="" /></div></div></div><div class="field field-name-body field-type-text-with-summary field-label-hidden"><div class="field-items"><div class="field-item even" property="content:encoded"><p>The holiday season has snuck up on us once again. Scrambling to plan, shop, wrap, bake, cook, and party with friends leaves little time for us to pause and reflect on the past year. Therefore, let us skip that part of the New Year transition and focus on other topics, such as…your awesomeness as a parent.</p> <p>Rather than offer “Ten Ways to Telepathically Communicate with your Child About Sex", the objective of today’s piece is to focus on one’s awesomeness as parents/caregivers. Consider this my holiday gift to you during this sometimes stressful season, despite it being the season of Peace and Love. </p> <p><strong>M</strong><strong>ommy Manual’s and Daddy Diaries</strong></p> <p>It is not that there are no Mommy Manuals or Daddy Diaries to assist us on our parenting journey; there are <em>many</em> manuals to guide parenting. You are reading one resource now, in fact. How do you choose which to read and how does one have time to read all those manuals AND have time to drink wine with friends? Priorities, right?</p> <p>A friend once told me, “I have all the parenting books. I just don’t have time to read them. I want someone to just tell me what to do.” All my friends reading this are going to think I am quoting them. I am certain we have all muttered these words ourselves. </p> <p>Here is where <strong>your awesomeness</strong> comes in: Merely by asking questions, talking to friends, and reading summaries in parenting book jackets, you are reaching out and gathering snippets of information to allow you to adapt the gazillion parenting suggestions into ideas that make sense for your family. Trying to parent without resources - human or otherwise - is lonely. Drinking wine with friends while bitching is a common social activity among women. A little wine with a little whine will often lead to some creative parenting suggestions.</p> <p> </p> <p><strong>The days of <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/June_Cleaver">June Cleaver</a> are history.</strong></p> <p><strong>Your house is messy. </strong> Personally, I think it is perfectly normal to have a messy home. Your clean, but unkempt home, represents one (or two) of these scenarios:</p> <p>    a. You are spending time with your child in deep conversation about decision-making, future goals, values, and the state of the world.<br />     b. You are (somewhat) mindlessly watching TV or a movie with your adolescent and mentally noting the potential conversation-starters featured in the current pop culture hit. (What? Sex without a condom!? Time for a conversation!)<br />     c. You are relaxing and reading a book. And drinking wine. Always wine. Or beer. There’s that, too.<br />     d. You are too dang tired after working all day, chasing kids, volunteering, or being awesome - fill in the blank with your excuse...or I mean reason.<br />     e. Your child is scheduled to wash dishes on this particular evening but is nowhere to be seen. <br />     f. You do not want to wash dishes right now. Plain and simple.</p> <p>This is what makes <strong>you</strong> <strong>awesome</strong>: You realize the dishes are not going anywhere. They will be patiently waiting for you or another family member to wash them…later. One day, as you soak your dentures before bed and reflect upon your youthful decades as a parent, will it matter how efficient you were with the household chores? You are teaching your child that sometimes it is okay to slack off a little and just relax. Our society is so focused on doing, doing, doing to achieve some sort of perfection. Stress, anyone? Of course, if a messy house is what causes you stress, forget everything I just said and go wash your dishes while enjoying some wine.</p> <p><strong>Comfort Clothes</strong></p> <p><strong>You run your errands in work out clothes</strong>. <br /> I totally do this. I work out early in the morning, so while I am in town I try to conserve my time and nature’s resources (i.e. save money on gas), and get things done before heading home. By lunch, or even mid-morning, I begin to realize my attire should have morphed into “real” clothes by this point in the day. But hey, I’m in <em>work-out clothes</em>. I have a <em>reason</em> to look like this. In fact, sometimes I just wear workout clothes to run errands so I do not have to shower, deal with my hair, or wear make-up. Who will know the truth?  I know I am not alone in this - I see men and women wearing running gear while running errands all the time. </p> <p>And to those of us who do: y<strong>ou are awesome</strong>. You are communicating to the world that you value the benefits of healthy living (as you hide the package of candy bars under the quinoa in the grocery cart). You are communicating to your children that a person does not have to be dressed in the best clothes or wear lots of make-up to feel good about themselves. Their self-worth and self-esteem are based on who they are as a person, how they treat others, and their values.  Naturally, our children do not need make-up and the best clothes - they inherited their good looks from their parents. We are awesome example-givers. </p> <p>However, there is a balance. Our children do need to understand that how we present ourselves to the world is a reflection of how we view ourselves on the inside. Our children also need to be aware the workout clothes can only be used as an excuse occasionally. Presenting ourselves to the world in clean, neat clothes - and maybe with a dash of pizzazz - communicates confidence and self-respect. So, go be your awesome self in your sweats occasionally, but you have permission to splurge a little on something nice to wear. After all, it is for the kid’s sake!</p> <p><strong>Yes, you are a perfect parent - because of your imperfection.</strong></p> <p>You are not a perfect parent, which is what makes you perfect. Being around someone who exudes perfectionism is incredibly intimidating. Besides, I have a little secret: There is no such thing as a perfect marriage, mom, dad, caregiver, child, teacher, human. In fact, it is peoples’ imperfections that make them perfect people. So, embrace your <strong>awesome imperfections</strong> while embracing the imperfections of others. People will want to gather around your awesome self and embrace your imperfect awesomeness. </p> <p><strong>Finally</strong>….</p> <p>During this season of Peace and Love, what I wish for each and every parent is to be able to let go of the craziness of the season and actually feel the peace and love we try to exude. </p> <p><strong>You are awesome</strong>. You reach out to others to support and be supported while raising your children. You understand that sometimes a messy house is a sign of a lived-in and loved-in home. You understand that sometimes, if you want to get stuff done, you just gotta get it done - no matter what you are wearing. You understand you are beautiful because of who you are on in inside - but deserve to splurge a little to beauty-up the outside, too. Finally, you understand that  your kids are not perfect. Okay, neither are adults. Take time to sit back, block your view of dirty dishes, cuddle up and enjoy a fun Christmas/Holiday movie with your children while in your comfy leggings, and enjoy a glass of wine, beer, or cup of hot cocoa. With marshmallows. In other words, enjoy the magic of the season and pass that magic on to your kids.</p> <p><strong style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0); text-align: center;">THE MAGIC WILL BE AWESOMELY PERFECT. </strong></p> <p style="text-align: center;"> </p> </div></div></div> Tue, 15 Dec 2015 21:03:05 +0000 Kim Cook 49394 at https://www.kidsinthehouse.com https://www.kidsinthehouse.com/blogs/kim-cook/be-real-be-you-and-be-awesome-this-holiday-season#comments The "Barrier Method" When Talking to Teens about Sex https://www.kidsinthehouse.com/blogs/kim-cook/the-barrier-method-when-talking-to-teens-about-sex <div class="field field-name-field-article-image field-type-image field-label-hidden"><div class="field-items"><div class="field-item even"><img typeof="foaf:Image" src="https://www.kidsinthehouse.com/sites/default/files/twc_dpc_mother_and_daughter__2.jpg" width="5184" height="3456" alt="Photo courtesy Dollar Photo Club" /></div></div></div><div class="field field-name-body field-type-text-with-summary field-label-hidden"><div class="field-items"><div class="field-item even" property="content:encoded"><p><strong>Research has</strong> repeatedly proven that when parents talk honestly and openly about sex with their children, they are more likely to wait before engaging in first sex and more likely to use protection. In other words, adolescents are actually listening to their parents.</p> <p>A recent study by Laura Widman and colleagues <a href="http://archpedi.jamanetwork.com/article.aspx?articleid=2468100">(Parent-Adolescent Sexual Communication and Adolescent Safer Sex Behavior: A Meta-Analysis)</a> notes that conversations between teens and mothers encourages safer sex practices; even more than conversations between fathers and their children. It is noted in Widman’s study that daughters tend to have more frequent sexuality-based conversations with parents - usually their mother - than sons do. Because of these conversations between mothers and daughters, daughters are more likely to use protection.</p> <p><em>Sue</em>, a mother of three states:</p> <p style="margin-left: 40px;"><em>“I was probably the only parent who spoke about these issues with the kids. I never had a real sit-down, scheduled talk.  It was more casual when things popped up.  None of my kids really dated in high school so there was never the talk that occurred out of necessity. My parents never had that talk with me and I'm ashamed to say I followed suit.  My husband would never speak about it because in his mind premarital sex was wrong and they just shouldn't do it. I took opportunities when conversation went that route to instill bits of wisdom. My main concern with them was that they would always be open with me and ask questions.”  </em></p> <p>A study by Ellen Wilson and colleagues called <a href="https://www.guttmacher.org/pubs/psrh/full/4205610.pdf">Parents’ Perspectives on Talking to Preteenage Children About Sex</a> noted that fathers are more comfortable answering questions “directly and honestly” about sexuality when approached by their children. Dads report feeling more comfortable talking to their kids about sex, however they are not typically the parent that purposefully initiates conversation with the children. It is time to draw fathers into the conversation and encourage men and boys to talk openly and honestly with each other.</p> <p><em>Melissa</em>, a mother of three grown children reflects on her experience as her children’s educator: </p> <p style="margin-left: 40px;"><em>“I know that we bought a book and read it with each child. I'm sure I did the majority with all three children because I was around.  It was as simple as that.  I was home at the appropriate time, during the teachable moments.  In subsequent years, I have had much more detailed conversations with my daughters, but would have been mortified to talk to my son. (I’m sure he would have been, too). I asked my husband recently if he had ever had an in depth conversation with our son about sex and he said no. Obviously, our son figured it out; he and his wife are now expecting.”</em></p> <p><em>Jennifer</em> writes:</p> <p style="margin-left: 40px;"><em>“I really don't remember any ONE sex talk with my daughter. It was a combination of small conversations, mostly in the car. That seemed to always be a great time for conversations she deemed uncomfortable.  The numerous small conversations worked well for me because she always absorbed "parental information” and guidance best in small chunks.”</em></p> <p style="margin-left: 40px;">She goes on to say…</p> <p style="margin-left: 40px;"><em>“I do remember exactly, however, our conversation (in 3rd grade) about how "babies are born".<br /> "Mom, I don't want know how the babies come out (we had already talked about that), but I want to know how they get in there! Don't tell me a stork; that's ridiculous!””</em></p> <p style="text-align: center;"><b><i><u>Conversational Barriers</u></i></b></p> <p><strong>Moms and dads</strong> may feel uncomfortable talking to their kids about sex for a several reasons, according to Wilson’s study. In fact, about a quarter of adolescents have not talked to their parents at all about this impactful topic.</p> <p style="text-align: center;"><strong>Parents may feel they do not have enough information to provide adequate education for their child or will be asked a question in which they do not know the answer.</strong></p> <p>You are not expected to know everything there is to know about sex. Besides, as you have discovered, your child does not think you know anything anyway, so the knowledge you do have will impress and surprise them. However, there are many books and online resources that can provide parents with up-to-date, medically-accurate information. Here are a few to get you started:</p> <p><strong>Online Resources</strong>:</p> <p><a href="https://www.plannedparenthood.org/parents">Planned Parenthood</a> <a href="http://answer.rutgers.edu">ANSWER</a> <a href="http://www.kidsinthehouse.com">Kids In The House</a> <a href="http://www.hhs.gov/ash/oah/">Office of Adolescent Health</a> <a href="http://www.womancareglobal.org">WomanCare Global</a> <a href="http://www.teenworldconfidential.com">TeenWorldConfidential</a></p> <p><strong>Books:</strong></p> <ul> <li><u>30 Days of Sex Talks: Empowering Your Child with Knowledge of Sexual Intimacy</u> (Volumes 1, 2, and 3) by Educate and Empower Kids</li> <li><u>It's Not the Stork!: A Book About Girls, Boys, Babies, Bodies, Families and Friends </u>(The Family Library) by Robie Harris</li> <li><u>Being a Teen: Everything Teen Girls &amp; Boys Should Know About Relationships, Sex, Love, Health, Identity &amp; More </u>by Jane Fonda</li> <li><u>Prepping Parents for Puberty Talks: A Compilation of Over 500 Questions Children Ask with Child-Friendly Answers</u> by Lori Reichel, PhD</li> </ul> <p style="text-align: center;"><strong>Parents may feel their child is not ready to learn about such topics because they have not shown interest in romantic relationships.</strong></p> <p>Discussions should be instigated early and often, not only when dating becomes an issue. It is best to help your child be prepared for the mental/emotional, social, as well as physical factors that go into having a healthy relationship. It is difficult to teach that in one afternoon.</p> <p style="text-align: center;"><strong>Parents may feel they are intruding on a private aspect of their child’s life.</strong></p> <p>There is a difference between being nosy and being interested. Recognizing that your child has romantic interests is not intrusive. In fact, I am willing to bet it is going on right in front of your nose, therefore inviting conversation. I used to send my youngest daughter down to the basement to “distract” my oldest daughter and her boyfriend from any unwanted activity that might be going on. Yes, that is intrusive. I offer no apologies.</p> <p style="text-align: center;"><strong>Parents may not want to know their child is romantically involved with someone.</strong></p> <p>Sometimes we just do not want to know if our child is sexually active. It is one more thing we have to deal with as busy parents. I get it. However, I recommend engaging in safer sex conversation now, than risking a pregnancy or STI conversation later. You are probably losing sleep worrying about it anyway. Just talk it out and get it in the open.</p> <p style="text-align: center;"><strong>Parents often struggle with not knowing how to start the conversation or knowing what to say.</strong></p> <p>What do you say to get the conversation going? How do you say it without feeling … awkward? Possibly the best solution is to accept the fact that it may indeed be awkward. It is what it is.  Take a deep breath and just start the conversation.</p> <p>As illustrated by Melissa, Jennifer, and Sue, using age-appropriate books to instigate conversation, finding a comfortable space to talk, and being open and available to conversation are techniques that parents find helpful when talking to their children about sex. Using media and current events to instigate conversation can be helpful. If your children are younger, start talking now. It will help make conversation less awkward when they are older.<br /> Children appreciate when parents are engaged and invested in their future. They respond positively to the connection they feel with their parent, especially when talking about sexuality honestly and without judgment. Mothers and fathers have a responsibility to get the conversation rolling. No, you do not have all the answers. Yes, it may be awkward. But honestly, this is a moment to connect with your child on a different level. Not only will they appreciate your effort, but it will inspire them to think twice when making decisions about having sex. Finally, it will give them a memory to chuckle about when they become parents and have to face this issue as well.<br />  </p> </div></div></div> Thu, 05 Nov 2015 22:56:47 +0000 Kim Cook 49322 at https://www.kidsinthehouse.com https://www.kidsinthehouse.com/blogs/kim-cook/the-barrier-method-when-talking-to-teens-about-sex#comments Talking to Your Infant About Sexuality https://www.kidsinthehouse.com/blogs/kim-cook/talking-to-your-infant-about-sexuality <div class="field field-name-field-article-image field-type-image field-label-hidden"><div class="field-items"><div class="field-item even"><img typeof="foaf:Image" src="https://www.kidsinthehouse.com/sites/default/files/twc_dpc_confused_mom.jpeg" width="320" height="204" alt="" /></div></div></div><div class="field field-name-body field-type-text-with-summary field-label-hidden"><div class="field-items"><div class="field-item even" property="content:encoded"><p><em><strong>The notice arrives from the nurse at your child’s elementary school.</strong></em></p> <p>“The Talk” will be held at some point during fifth grade. Your eyes bug out, your heart pounds, sweat beads down your chest (okay, maybe that was a hot flash), and you suddenly have a need for a glass of red. Or white. And friends!</p> <p>Little thought bubbles begin exploding around your head:</p> <p>Wait, I want to talk to my child before the school does.<br /> <em>No way do I want to talk to my child about this!</em></p> <p>My child knows nothing about this, why now?<br /> <em>Oh my gosh, what does my child already know?!</em></p> <p>My partner and I need to approach our child as a team.<br /> <em>I am in charge of meals, let my partner deal with this!</em></p> <p>My child isn’t old enough for this!<br /> <em>Is my child old enough for this?</em></p> <p><strong>The best age to begin talking about sexuality is….your child’s current age.</strong></p> <p>Your child is about ten years old, and they are going to learn about puberty. Very, very soon. <br /> It begs the question? When IS the best time to begin talking to your child about S-E-X?</p> <p><em><strong>First</strong></em> we have to understand what the conversations about sex look like.</p> <p>Whether you realize it or not, you have been talking about sexual health with your child for many years already. Have you discussed values important to your family? Have you shared your ideas on love and relationships? Have you asked your child “What do you want to be when you grow up?”. Guess what? That’s all part of the package! Values, relationships, decision-making, goal-setting all lay the foundation for a person’s sexuality health. So, take a deep breath! You have already begun ‘The Talks” without even realizing it!</p> <p>Understandably, it is much easier to talk about family and personal values than penises and vaginas. However, there are ways to gently work your way into these more intimate conversations without creating an environment of awkwardness. Yours - not theirs, that is.</p> <ul> <li>Start at birth. Even though your sweet little infant has no clue what you are talking about, they do understand the affectionate inflection in your voice. As you gently clean their cute little bums during a diaper change, be sure to casually and sweetly use proper terminology. Penis. Vagina. Scrotum. Labia. Anus. “Let’s clean your vagina!” It seems really weird, I know, but as you continue to name these body parts, you will become comfortable verbalizing these words and your child will become accustomed to hearing them. These anatomical labels will seem no less awkward to say than patella, humerus, or tibia. Okay…knee, arm, or leg. I know that many professionals feel using only proper terminology is the best approach. I am a bit more laid back about it. As an adult I use slang for certain body parts myself. (“Save the Ta-Ta’s”, for example.) There is a time and a place for everything. So, if you want to call their penis a “wee-wee” once in a while, that is okay. Just be sure proper terminology is commonly used as well. Once you have normalized conversation about genitalia, you have laid the groundwork for open and honest communication with your child.<br />  </li> <li>Explain good touch/bad touch with your child. Introduce the concept of personal boundaries. Explain how to honor one’s instinct/gut feeling to discern uncomfortable situations. This conversation can begin to take place very simply during the preschool years. However as your child grows older, the discussions will grow in complexity. Certainly we do not want our children to become fearful; the objective is to empower your child with intrinsic guidance. <br />  </li> <li>Answer the questions they ask, not the questions you hear. For example, if they ask what a penis is and your response involves a long discussion on erections (no pun intended), you have probably freaked them out a bit and totally missed what they really wanted to know; whether boys AND girls have a penis - not what the penis is used for. No need to go into too much detail. If they want to know more, they will pursue the line of questioning.<br />  </li> <li>As your child grows and becomes more aware of the world around him, especially with media being so open, there will be opportunities to discuss deeper sexuality issues such as gender identity, sexual orientation, and sexual activity. Looking for ways to broach certain topics? Listen to their music, watch their TV shows, and offer to drive carpool in which you “innocently” listen in on peer discussions. Use those experiences and topics in which to engage conversation with your child. However, as <a href="http://www.chicagotribune.com/lifestyles/ct-balancing-act-sun-0927-20150923-column.html">Heidi Stevens</a> wrote in her recent article, Parenting Lessons Gleaned in a Decade, do not ruin the bonding moment by moaning and lecturing during the program, song, or taxi duty. Just wait and hit them later with it - otherwise you may not be invited into their world again anytime soon.<br />  </li> <li>As teenagers, you can bet they are becoming quite informed about sex from their peers. The question is, how accurate is the information being shared? I promise, if you bring up the topic of sex to your adolescent, their ears will not spontaneously combust anymore than they will walk out the door to find someone with whom to do the horizontal bop. They are pretty much aware of how they came to be on this earth - by now they have not spotted any pink or blue storks flying around with bundles hanging from their beaks. The time for honesty and openness is now.</li> </ul> <p><strong>Do not fret.</strong></p> <p>Rest assured. The program your school nurses are preparing is not as explicit as the students seem to think it will be. You will likely be offered an opportunity to preview the program with other dazed parents. The nurses will be there to answer your questions - and provide medical support if you begin to hyperventilate. Parents typically have the opportunity to “opt out” their child from the program, however I would advise against that. The other students will have all this great information that they will be giggling about on the school bus. Wouldn’t you rather your child have learned the facts directly from then nurse than second-hand from their peers on the bus?</p> <p>Yes, jumping into the conversation when your child is ten might feel awkward at first. Trust me on this one, the kids are ready to talk. They are trying to figure out why this particular topic is sooooo important that parents actually have to have letters asking parent approval. They want to know why the boys are separated from the girls. They want to know…what’s the big deal? Tell them. After all, the nurses can give the reproductive facts, but only you can instill the values that you hope your child adopts.</p> <p>No worries. “The Talk” is really just about puberty and the physical, emotional, and social changes they can expect to experience.</p> <p>They will leave the sex part of the talk up to you.  (Wink)</p> </div></div></div> Mon, 05 Oct 2015 19:52:24 +0000 Kim Cook 49230 at https://www.kidsinthehouse.com https://www.kidsinthehouse.com/blogs/kim-cook/talking-to-your-infant-about-sexuality#comments It's Not Funny! Or is it...? Using Humor to Tackle "The Talk" https://www.kidsinthehouse.com/blogs/kim-cook/its-not-funny-or-is-it-using-humor-to-tackle-the-talk <div class="field field-name-field-article-image field-type-image field-label-hidden"><div class="field-items"><div class="field-item even"><img typeof="foaf:Image" src="https://www.kidsinthehouse.com/sites/default/files/screen_shot_2015-08-25_at_10.57.18_am.png" width="704" height="471" alt="" /></div></div></div><div class="field field-name-body field-type-text-with-summary field-label-hidden"><div class="field-items"><div class="field-item even" property="content:encoded"><p>Talking to kids about sex. Yikes.</p> <p>Any parent who has initiated “the talk” with their child has experienced qualms about what to say, when to say it, and how to say it. It would be awesome to channel a sex-pert during these talks and merely let the words flow succinctly, accurately, and in a manner that eliminates the inevitable eyeball roll of your all-knowing child.</p> <p>When discussing sexuality with young people, a serious approach is often encouraged as a means to demand respect for the topic. I totally get that. Sexual health is a serious issue that encompasses discussions about decision-making, goal-setting, personal values, healthy relationships, oh, and condoms and sexually transmitted infections (STI’s), as well. The information young people learn from their parents, community, schools, religious community, and the media will influence the choices they make now and in the future.</p> <p><strong>You ask yourself, “Adolescent sexuality is not funny! Why humor?”</strong></p> <p>Infusing humor into conversation can increase the comfort level to help engage our kids in meaningful dialogue. It offers a certain levity that encourages kids to open up and feel safe asking questions.</p> <p>Humor evens the conversational playing field. With humor, there is a middle-ground in which mutual respect and a commonality can be reached. This can enable two-way, honest conversation. On the flipside, lecturing about the sins of sex automatically turns on the mute button in our child’s mind. Remember, they are inundated with s-e-x on a daily basis. Between their own hormones egging them on, media encouraging promiscuous behavior, and peer influences, they grapple with confusing messages. Do not squelch their concerns with an unbalanced lecture.</p> <p>Infusing humor into discussion reflects the idea that sex is actually...fun. I know, you are thinking - I don’t want my kids to think this is FUN!! Let me throw it back to you - why not?? They will spend many more years having sex than not having sex. Hopefully. Certainly you wish for them to have a fulfilling, satisfying, close relationship with their life partner, right?  Sharing a few romantic laughs allows for an intimacy that can only strengthen relationship bonds.</p> <p><strong>There are a few things to consider when talking to kids about sex with a humorous approach.</strong></p> <p>1. Be yourself. If you tend to have zero sense of humor yet try to crack a few jokes, your kids will think you have lost your mind. Stay sane.<br /> 2. If it is not funny to the child, it is not funny.<br /> 3. Not every topic about sexuality should be taken lightly. Dating mishaps? Funny. Dating violence? Not funny.<br /> 4. If a child comes to you with a serious question, do not minimize their feelings with a joke or off-hand comment. Look them in the eye, listen to what they are saying, confirm what they are communicating, then answer the question or merely listen respectfully.<br /> 5. Each child is unique with diverse thoughts about sexuality. The conversational style needs to be custom-tailored to the child.<br /> 6. Again - keep in mind there is a time and a place for humor.</p> <p>Talking to your child about sex may seem daunting initially. It would be convenient to have a one-size-fits-all approach to talk with kids about serious topics such as sex, however we need to appreciate each child as an individual and approach them in a manner that is comfortable for them. Know your child and adapt to their particular personality. You may have one kid who is all over it and asks detailed questions and another kid who covers their ears in horror.</p> <p>Fortunately, “the talk” is a misnomer. It is actually a series of talks over the course of their childhood, which allows for many opportunities to share a few laughs about sex. As parents we have to do the work to enable effective communication throughout the years, but we do not have to do it alone. Use resources and expertise of parents who have traveled to the dark side and come out of it only slightly scathed.</p> <p>It is a hell of a lot of work birthing, nursing, nurturing, loving, teaching, and launching our kids, not to mention the money we invest! We want them to grow up healthy, happy, and well- adjusted. After all, we do want them to return the favor when we enter the adult-diaper years. So, lighten up! Sex is a normal part of life. It is okay to take a humorous approach to help open lines of communication.</p> <p><span style="font-size: 13.0080003738403px; line-height: 1.538em;">Their sex life is depending on you. (wink)</span></p> </div></div></div> Tue, 25 Aug 2015 18:09:43 +0000 Kim Cook 48981 at https://www.kidsinthehouse.com https://www.kidsinthehouse.com/blogs/kim-cook/its-not-funny-or-is-it-using-humor-to-tackle-the-talk#comments