Jana Rooheart's blog https://www.kidsinthehouse.com/blogs/jana-rooheart en Obsessive, Compulsive, Digital: Why Parents Cannot Afford To Be Old-Fashioned https://www.kidsinthehouse.com/blogs/jana-rooheart/obsessive-compulsive-digital-why-parents-cannot-afford-to-be-old-fashioned <div class="field field-name-field-article-image field-type-image field-label-hidden"><div class="field-items"><div class="field-item even"><img typeof="foaf:Image" src="https://www.kidsinthehouse.com/sites/default/files/digital.jpg" width="950" height="534" alt="" /></div></div></div><div class="field field-name-body field-type-text-with-summary field-label-hidden"><div class="field-items"><div class="field-item even" property="content:encoded"><p>I first have noticed that something was wrong when my 9-year-old started <a href="https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/go-to-bed-now-winning-the-bedtime-battle-with-young-kids-and-teens/">having troubles falling asleep</a>. It is quite common for the kids of his age, so I took all the usual steps. We’ve talked about how sleep is important and how he must get up in the morning to be at school on time. We negotiated the time. I stocked up on chamomile tea and lavender essential oil.<br /> <strong>The revelation</strong></p> <p>Then I told him, that he probably should not play with his tablet before the bedtime. That is when the true issue came to light. I agree, I probably should not have allowed him tablet in the evenings in the first place, but it seemed so calming. Until he began throwing tantrums after my saying “That’s enough for the day”. The pattern appeared to be erratic. One day he would give up his tablet willingly, another day he would cling to it for his life.</p> <p>- You will play tomorrow, but now it’s time to go to bed.<br /> - I don’t want to go to bed! My scores are messy!</p> <p>“Messy” meaning not all round numbers. He wouldn’t go to bed until he put them all in order as he perceived it. The worst thing about this was that he could not fall asleep because he kept imagining “the mess”.</p> <p>Then there were my playlists. He asked for my smartphone only to alphabetize the titles, put everything in order in folders and add missing album artworks and tags. At first, I didn’t realize it might be a problem. After all, instead of playing some gory game, he wanted to systematize things. What can be more harmless, tranquil and beneficial? The problem was, again, that he could not get it out of his mind until everything was done and perfectly arranged, and sometimes it took more than a reasonable amount of time.</p> <p>After we went to see a specialist, she surprised us with mild to moderate case of OCD. I was puzzled. I could see no signs of anything one would imagine when hearing “OCD”. That is in the real life I couldn’t.</p> <p><strong>Looking deeper</strong></p> <p>As odd as <a href="https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/we-got-a-diagnosis-for-our-child-now-what-adhd-odd-lds-and-more-what-a-diagnosis-means-for-your-child/">the diagnosis</a> seemed to me at the time, it makes sense now. One just has to look how much time kids spend on their digital devices. They practically live there. Maybe that is the reason why they channel their quirks, anxieties, fears and their need for order there as well. The real world is not that relevant. Besides, the world is too complicated and unyielding. It is for grown-ups. Whereas digital is obedient and pliable.<br /> Just by moving a finger, kids can put things in order, rearrange or erase. If something is boring they skip it, if something is too complicated they switch to another app, page, tab. They rule their digital realm. Likewise, if something is forbidden in the real world, they go and do, say, search and find it online, and they do so mostly in secret.</p> <p>The secrecy of what children do online is a reason why parents worldwide struggle with understanding the issues they have to deal with. That was the case with me, and it took me a lot of time to find out what was wrong in the first place. That is because I kept looking for the signs in the real world, the world from which my son was gradually alienating himself.</p> <p><strong>Why so serious?</strong></p> <p>The problem is that we do not actually live in our tablets and smartphones (although, it often seems that we do). We must prepare our kids to meet the real tough challenges of the real tough world. It is good that they have cyberworld as an aid, this channel to vent out, but we must make sure that they realize it is not the way to tackle the actual problems. If anything, it is a way to create some new ones (like my son’s insomnia).</p> <p>By just moving a finger they won’t be able to tidy up their room, fix their grades, or get a job. We have to teach them problem-solving skills, the only way to deal with something disturbing and uncomfortable, i.e. facing it. Not escaping into digital perfectionism (self-indulgence, anonymous bullying, or whatever kids do online when their parents aren’t watching).</p> <p>Yet to provide a positive example, we must face the problems ourselves. And I see the digital barrier as a problem. We live in separate worlds, on the opposite sides of this thin glowing facet of liquid crystals. We give tablets to our kids as pacifiers when they are still in their cribs; we give them our phones instead of our attention and from this stem <a href="https://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/she-the-people/wp/2013/09/16/affects-of-child-abuse-can-last-a-lifetime-watch-the-still-face-experiment-to-see-why/?utm_term=.22c10257e18f">multiple problems that persist into adulthood</a>. While we look another way, they drift away from us, slowly but surely. If I kept ignoring my son’s digital life any longer, who knows how deep his OCD issues would become (or any other issues for that matter).</p> <p>We must change our perspective on digital. For us, it’s entertainment. For them, it’s the world. The whole new world with its own dangers, struggles, disorders, and other novelty phenomena. Now I believe that no parent should give their kids gadgets without serious discussions and some sort of iPhone or <a href="http://pumpic.com/security/child-protection-on-android/">Android child protection software</a>. We cannot afford to be ignorant and “old-fashioned” if we want to understand our children and be able to help them when they need us to.</p> </div></div></div> Wed, 25 Jan 2017 13:47:44 +0000 Jana Rooheart 50185 at https://www.kidsinthehouse.com https://www.kidsinthehouse.com/blogs/jana-rooheart/obsessive-compulsive-digital-why-parents-cannot-afford-to-be-old-fashioned#comments Online Safety: Parent's Guide to Protecting their Kids on the Internet https://www.kidsinthehouse.com/blogs/jana-rooheart/online-safety-parents-guide-to-protecting-their-kids-on-the-internet <div class="field field-name-field-article-image field-type-image field-label-hidden"><div class="field-items"><div class="field-item even"><img typeof="foaf:Image" src="https://www.kidsinthehouse.com/sites/default/files/online_safety.jpg" width="1024" height="680" alt="Online safety" /></div></div></div><div class="field field-name-body field-type-text-with-summary field-label-hidden"><div class="field-items"><div class="field-item even" property="content:encoded"><p>The Internet has already covered the whole globe with wires, and most of the time you cannot escape from it. Sounds like the beginning of a horror story, right? For sure, you don’t have to be scared – technologies bring us so many opportunities and make our lives a lot easier than it used to be. There were literally so few things in our history that managed to shape our culture, communication, and entertainment as much as the Web does.</p> <p>Yet, there is no place for carelessness – with great power comes great responsibility. Especially if you are a parent trying to raise an adequate child who would later become a decent member of society. What dangers might the internet bring to your home and your little angel? Here is a short guide to online protection.</p> <p><strong>A Peek at Child’s Online Activities Statistics</strong></p> <p><a href="http://www.pewinternet.org/fact-sheets/teens-fact-sheet/">Statistics</a>, which actually change every day, show that 93% of American teens have a personal computer, and 23% have their own tablets. Add here mobile phones that kids tend to have from primary school, and you will get so many possibilities for a child to spend countless hours online. What are they actually doing online? You may suppose they brush through all the pages of Wikipedia, or look through an online version of Webster’s Dictionary, but I bet you are not that naïve.</p> <p>When answering the questions to the surveys most children say that their parents have no idea what the heck they are actually doing online. Are you intrigued yet? Don’t be rushing to peak at your son’s computer screen to ensure he is not watching something he is too young for. It is not that scary– the biggest part of hours spent online (about 76%) go to social media websites and make friends with other people. About 35% of older teens say they shop online, feeling much more confident this way.</p> <p><strong>Risks for Children Online</strong></p> <p>I have a strong belief that this is not the full list of things you should be aware of, but this is the ultimate one for the most dangerous ones. If you want to be sure that kid is not getting harm to his mind other than having sore eyes and lack of sleep because of all the night hours he spends online while you are sleeping carelessly in your bed, be sure to keep an eye for these.</p> <ul> <li>Pornography</li> </ul> <p>If being serious, <a href="http://www.unh.edu/ccrc/pdf/CV169.pdf">statistics say</a> that more than 1 in 8 web searches is for erotic content, and by the age of 18 83% of boys and 57% of girls have seen group sex online. Plus, all the jokes about mistyping a letter in Google search and getting porn, as a result, are not that fantastic, and finding one is not that hard.</p> <ul> <li>Online casinos</li> </ul> <p>Games of chance, cards and roulettes and other venturesome activities bring harm both to kids and adults (and actually the latter suffer harder from those as they have no one to parent them away from casinos). It is pretty simple to find a casino online – moreover, they are being promoted on the internet. And having an age policy like ‘Click here if you are really 18 years old’ – does anyone click ‘I am younger than 18’?</p> <ul> <li>Cyberbullying</li> </ul> <p>Psychologists say that bullying is a part of kids’ growing up, and at some point it is natural. But unlike one at the playground or school hall, bullying on the internet can be a lot more hurtful. Profiles get hacked and rumors spread so fast. About 24% of teens claimed that someone has written something about them online that wasn’t true, so you can imagine how terrifying for a kid to be blackmailed and terrified to use social media or share something with others.</p> <ul> <li>Gaming</li> </ul> <p>Not, it is not that all the games out there are harmful for kids. There are plenty of fun, educational and even amusing games you and your kids can enjoy such as <a href="https://www.solitairebliss.com/">Solitaire Bliss</a>. But there are also plenty of games out there containing violence, sexual content and crude language. <a href="https://www.meloncube.net/blog/evolution-of-ddos-attacks-gaming/">Online gaming</a> enables kids to interact with strangers that may mean harm to your child by pretending to be someone else.</p> <ul> <li>Social networks</li> </ul> <p>As popular as dangerous they say. Even though a great part of parents claim they’ve helped kids to create Facebook accounts, they usually fail to explain to them how to behave online and what image of themselves to project online.<br />A great illustration of wrong photos choice is the case with a couple of Australian guys who recently created a Facebook page where they collected all the ‘slutty 12-year-old’ pictures they’ve met. 40% of teens have uploaded pictures of their peers passed out and getting drunk, and you should explain to your child about the right content.</p> <p><strong>What can you do as a parent to cope with these things?</strong></p> <ul> <li>Talk with your child.</li> </ul> <p>Explaining things you prohibit is a better thing than just cutting online activities out of a child’s life. Talk to the child about sexual victimization and other dangers there are.</p> <ul> <li>Make reasonable rules and limits.</li> </ul> <p>There are rules everywhere, and limiting internet activities will not harm. Understand child’s needs and interests and encourage them. But ensure you limit their online time so that it does not influence kids’ daily routine.</p> <ul> <li>Parental control apps</li> </ul> <p>These would help a lot when you are not around your kid to protect him from harm online. <a href="https://www.internetadvisor.com/internet-safety-guide">Parental control apps and programs</a> are made for PC, tablets and smartphones, and they would block the unwanted websites from working for your kid. They have additional functions you might use as well, for instance, <a href="http://pumpic.com/gps-and-geofencing.html">you can find a geofence app for iPhone</a> or Android devices that will notify you if your kid leaves certain geographical limits. Cool, huh? So be sure to check such apps in detail.</p> <p>Hopefully this post will be a wake-up call for some parents to start controlling their kids' online life more thoroughly. Good luck!</p> </div></div></div> Wed, 09 Nov 2016 14:54:33 +0000 Jana Rooheart 50026 at https://www.kidsinthehouse.com https://www.kidsinthehouse.com/blogs/jana-rooheart/online-safety-parents-guide-to-protecting-their-kids-on-the-internet#comments Nomophobia and Ways to Fight It https://www.kidsinthehouse.com/blogs/jana-rooheart/nomophobia-and-ways-to-fight-it-1 <div class="field field-name-field-article-image field-type-image field-label-hidden"><div class="field-items"><div class="field-item even"><img typeof="foaf:Image" src="https://www.kidsinthehouse.com/sites/default/files/teens_on_phones-2_2.jpg" width="1000" height="667" alt="teens using smartphones" /></div></div></div><div class="field field-name-body field-type-text-with-summary field-label-hidden"><div class="field-items"><div class="field-item even" property="content:encoded"><p>“Nomophobia” is a word coined by Patrick O’Neill, a British postal clerk, in 2008 to describe smartphone separation anxiety. It is an acronym for “no-mobile-phone phobia”. Smartphones were a news back then, but people already started to display strange behaviors. O’Neill was shocked to see how inseparable people grew from their phones, not leaving them behind even while visiting the bathroom. He became an activist, trying to attract attention to this problem. Almost a decade later, instead of wearing off, this phenomenon only grew in scale. </p> <p>A whole new generation was born into the digital world, and while growing up, today’s teens have been enriching the word “nomophobia” with new meanings. The concept is strongly connected to another phenomenon, “fear of missing out” or “fomo”, which means that teens are afraid of losing connectivity and missing on something exciting. According to the Pew Research Internet Study, 34% of teenagers say they go online “almost constantly.” More and more adolescents take a shower with their phones, while producers of gadget oblige with water-resistant models. Teenagers are unwilling to let go of their smartphones even when they sleep: 84% of them sleep with, next to or on top of their cell phones. </p> <p>There is no doubt that the notorious dependence of teens on their mobile devices is a problem. Are the newest technologies to blame, or is the issue deeper? There are several reasons why teenagers are so attached to their phones.</p> <p><strong>Technology is natural for them</strong></p> <p>Think how casual this ability to stay in touch 24/7 is for our children, who grew up with smartphones in their hands. It never was fantastic to them. They think it is natural because they do not know the world before anyone who wanted to reach you could just text “Hello!” They see it as an inherent part of their lives, they depend on it, they count on it to look up the necessary information or to be available for friends and family should they need to contact them. You can think of this ability to communicate at a distance as another sense. Now imagine, that you have lost your voice and you aren’t able to speak. Would you feel lost? Would you feel anxious if you knew that your ability to speak could be depleted by the end of the day? Would you check you “voice resource” every hour? You probably would.</p> <p><strong>Our brain always seeks information</strong></p> <p>Before the mobile era, what would you do on a long bus ride? At breakfast? In the evening before going to bed? Probably, you would read a book or a newspaper. Alternatively, you would be doodling or chatting with people around you or solving a crossword. Watching TV, at last.</p> <p>The fact is, teens do all these things on their phones. They do the same as we used to, only the tool is different. Yes, sometimes they pay no attention to the world around them, so did many of us when they were 12 and reading an interesting book. We would ride past our station because the reading was so absorbing, we would watch TV at the dinner table. If there were no book or TV, we would read what was written on a box of cookies over and over. Our brain is hungry for information, entertainment and engagement. Standing in line or waiting if you have arrived at the designated place too early is boring to tears, and that is when our smartphones come to the rescue. Our mobile devices are inexhaustible sources of cognitive stimuli, and studies show, that in the terms of the acquisition and retention of information, our brains treat our devices like relationship partners.</p> <p><strong>Parents do not walk the talk</strong> </p> <p>As long as cognitive stimulation feels rewarding to of all mere humans, no wonder adults as well are addicted to technology, which provides it. Our children learn from what we do, not from what we say. As they are growing up, they see us, glued to those glowing little screens, texting, reading news or even putting an important meeting to our calendar at the dinner table or during family outings. Can we blame them for the addiction to their own devices?</p> <p><strong>Ways to fight nomophobia</strong></p> <p>Despite the proposals were made to list nomophobia in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, the fact is, it is not a physical addiction or an actual disorder, but rather a lack of moderation and self-discipline, resulting in an excessive and harmful use of mobile devices. Therefore, another extreme of separating your teen from their phone altogether is not advisable. After all, it is only a mean of communication, and keeping contact with the peers and building a social network is a primary task for every teenager, an evolutionary necessity, so to speak. So, what can you do?</p> <p><strong>• Define the rules</strong></p> <p>Instead, it is better to introduce a set of clear regulations regarding the usage of mobile devices. The paramount rule is no mobile in bed. A smartphone in the bedroom leads to chronic sleep deprivation, due to incoming texts and instant messages at an ungodly hour, compulsive gaming and emission of blue light from the screen, which stimulates our brain and prevents us from feeling drowsy. The best way to do it is to create a family hub to charge smartphones overnight. Before going to sleep, family members should “check in” their phones. Other rules may regulate the use of mobiles during dinnertime, homework hours, on Sundays, etc., at your discretion.</p> <p><strong>• Practice what you preach</strong></p> <p>The key is you must stick to your rules yourself. It means you too should get an alarm clock instead of a smartphone sitting on your bed table. You too should forget about your phone when the whole family is enjoying their meal, etc. Be the one who leads the way, and provide some personal example. Teenagers are very sensitive when it comes to restrictions, especially those they find unfair. They strongly dislike being treated like children, so the best way to make them behave responsibly is to teach them that self-control is a sign of adulthood.</p> <p><strong>• Digital detox</strong></p> <p>If your teen cannot leave the phone behind, despite all the restrictions, and keeps sneaking it in the bedroom, you may opt to block their phone for the night, rendering it useless. In order to do so, you can try some mobile monitoring features (there are many Android and iOS apps for that), which also allow blocking particularly addictive or dangerous apps that pose a threat to your teen’s emotional health.<br />Technology makes our life more dynamic, convenient and safe. As always, the key is moderation. If you are concerned that you loved ones won’t be able to reach you, when you see the battery in your smartphone is dying, it is natural. If you feel frustrated and start panicking seeing it running low, that is probably, a clear case of nomophobia and you should benefit from the advice above.</p> </div></div></div> Mon, 19 Sep 2016 23:27:39 +0000 Jana Rooheart 49964 at https://www.kidsinthehouse.com https://www.kidsinthehouse.com/blogs/jana-rooheart/nomophobia-and-ways-to-fight-it-1#comments