Mercedes Samudio's blog https://www.kidsinthehouse.com/blogs/mercedes-samudio en Advocating for Your Child's Mental Health Care (Advocating for Your Child Series) https://www.kidsinthehouse.com/blogs/mercedes-samudio/advocating-for-your-childs-mental-health-care-advocating-for-your-child <div class="field field-name-field-article-image field-type-image field-label-hidden"><div class="field-items"><div class="field-item even"><img typeof="foaf:Image" src="https://www.kidsinthehouse.com/sites/default/files/56569719.jpg" width="406" height="406" alt="Child&#039;s Mental Health Care" /></div></div></div><div class="field field-name-body field-type-text-with-summary field-label-hidden"><div class="field-items"><div class="field-item even" property="content:encoded"><p> </p> <p><meta charset="utf-8" /></p> <p dir="ltr">Working with families as a family/parent coach, I get to hear a lot of the stressors that parents endure while raising their children. Although I tend to focus on the behaviors of the child and the relationship between the parents and the children, I can’t close my ears to the plight of families navigating the various systems they encounter while trying to access care for their child. </p> <p dir="ltr">In this series, I will talk about how parents can advocate for their child in areas like school, mental health, and medical care. The second in the series will focus on speaking up for your child’s mental health care. You can read the first post — discussing advocating for your child’ medical care — in this series <a href="http://www.kidsinthehouse.com/blogs/mercedes-samudio/advocating-for-your-childs-medical-care-advocating-for-your-child-series">here</a>.</p> <p dir="ltr">Today (October 10th) is Mental Health Awareness Day! And, what better way to spread awareness and show support than to discuss ways that you can advocate for your child’s mental health care. Just as the previous post in this series encouraged you to speak up and ask questions about your child’s physical health, this post will present you with tools you can use to discuss your child’s mental and emotional health care.</p> <p dir="ltr">As parents or guardians, it’s vital for us to look after our child’s mental health. In fact, their mental health is just as important as their physical health because this can affect their ability to remain resilient during tough times and develop fully as a person. Having poor mental health can increase your child’s risks of experiencing depression, anxiety, and other mental health problems, which is why we should ensure their mental wellness at all times. </p> <p dir="ltr">I know that it can be such a daunting experience to hear that your child has a mental illness, and it can be even more daunting to have to navigate the mental health world. Doctors, psychiatrists, therapists, and other mental health personnel can sometimes be unfriendly and rush you through clinical jargon and procedures without giving you much time to catch up. Therapies to manage symptoms of any mental health condition will not only cause a hole in your pocket, but will also prevent your children from enjoying their innocence. </p> <p dir="ltr">But, here are some strategies that you can use to speak up and get your voice heard as you help your child cope with their mental health.</p> <p dir="ltr"><strong>Get Support</strong></p> <p dir="ltr">This is always my number one tool in working with families. And, I always start here no matter the diagnosis because when you try to tackle coping with a child with a mental illness alone you get burned out and frustrated. It’s not about shame or blame; it’s about getting the support that you need to cope with managing your child’s mental and emotional health. Regardless of how minor you think your child’s mental illness is, there will come a time when you’ll feel tired and hopeless. This is especially true if you’re juggling other responsibilities as you’re looking after your child.</p> <p dir="ltr">I encourage you to look for local support groups that not only allow you to share your experience, but also provide education about your child’s diagnosis and resources to help your meet your child’s needs. Joining support groups is a great way to know more about mental illnesses and gain tips from parents or guardians who also experience the same problems with their children. Being surrounded by people who understand what you’re going through will help you ward off stress. </p> <p dir="ltr">I also encourage you to enlist the help of family members who you can educate about what your child is going through. And, if you have people in your family who don’t understand what is happening to your child, trust me when I say that getting that outside support, such as professionals from <a href="https://fireduppeople.com.au/">Fired Up People</a>, will help you advocate for your child in a way that can really change the way those families members respond and interact with you and your child.</p> <p dir="ltr"><strong>Learn About the Diagnosis</strong></p> <p dir="ltr">There are a lot of misconceptions about mental health and certain diagnoses. Many of those myths and misconceptions can be dispelled by learning about the diagnosis from a physician, a psychiatrist, or a mental health group (like NAMI). </p> <p dir="ltr">Learning more about your child’s diagnosis is vital because this information will help you determine how you can help your children cope. It’ll be challenging for any parent or guardian to offer help to their children if they don’t have any idea what they’re children are suffering from or what are the symptoms of their mental illness. </p> <p dir="ltr">One of the most liberating things I’ve seen in families is when they really come to an understanding about their child’s diagnosis. They begin to realize that with the right resources, medication (in some cases), and lots of support even the most pervasive mental illnesses can be managed. </p> <p dir="ltr">The most important thing to remember in learning about your child’s diagnosis is that your child is not the diagnosis. As you develop the language to talk about your child’s diagnosis you can help stop shaming and blaming from your child’s school officials, in your community, and in your family. The information you'll gain about your child’s diagnosis will also make it easier for you to relate to whatever your child is going through. </p> <p dir="ltr"><strong>The Different Methods of Treatment</strong></p> <p dir="ltr">Another important strategy that is essential to managing your child’s mental health is to know about the various treatment modalities. You can acquire this information by doing a little online search or asking healthcare professionals. There are numerous ways that your child’s mental health can be managed, such as through medication or through interventions such as play therapy, parent-child therapy, family, therapy, or individual talk therapy. </p> <p dir="ltr">And, since there are such a variety of interventions it is essential to the overall advocacy of your child’s mental health that you inquire about their current treatment plan. When your child’s therapist is doing an intervention that you are confused about – ask about it. When the psychiatrist prescribes a medication with side effects that concern you – talk about it. </p> <p dir="ltr">I encourage you to not just take it for granted that professionals create the treatment plans; be a part of the treatment that your child is receiving. Your child will have better chances of recovering from any mental illness if they see and feel the support of their entire family. </p> <p dir="ltr">I encourage you to listen to what is said, ask questions about what concerns you, comply with the treatment as directed (for some medications, it can take a few months before you see results), and make sure to discuss what you observed in your child during the treatment at each session. I will be blunt here: Never go into a session saying that nothing has changed. I say this curtly because your treatment team does not live with you and are relying on you to be observant and aware of the changes that could be occurring as a result of the treatment. Many of the treatment modalities that exist in mental health require that change be monitored and discussed – especially for medication treatments.</p> <p dir="ltr"><strong>Treatment Journals</strong></p> <p dir="ltr">Which brings me to the second most important tools you can use to manage and advocate for your child’s mental health care (after getting support) – keeping a treatment journal. I use this term loosely because what I hope to inspire is a need to have your entire child’s mental health care organized. My suggestion is that you have a notebook or folder (or binder) with the following:</p> <p dir="ltr">• All medications, dosages, and the regimen for taking the medication<br />• The names, numbers and addresses of your child’s treatment team (and any supervisors)<br />• An observation log that you keep (this should detail what you observe while your child is taking a medication or using a specific intervention)</p> <p dir="ltr">It may feel like more work to have this, and keep up with this, but when you have your sessions with your child’s treatment team it will make things a lot easier to explain, and give you a lot of insight into whether this current treatment plan/intervention is working to manage your child’s mental health.</p> <p dir="ltr">These are the strategies that I consistently provide to the families that work with me. It can be such a huge and all-consuming task to navigate your child’s mental health care, but I think that these tools can lighten the load a bunch. Another thing to remember, your child will have to cope with their mental health (whether they have a diagnosis or not) for their whole life – the ways in which you model advocating for their mental health now are the tools that they’ll use as they get older.</p> </div></div></div> Tue, 27 Oct 2020 13:47:24 +0000 Mercedes Samudio 47818 at https://www.kidsinthehouse.com https://www.kidsinthehouse.com/blogs/mercedes-samudio/advocating-for-your-childs-mental-health-care-advocating-for-your-child#comments 5 Ways To Show Your Kid You Value Their Relationship https://www.kidsinthehouse.com/blogs/mercedes-samudio/5-ways-to-show-your-kid-you-value-their-relationship <div class="field field-name-field-article-image field-type-image field-label-hidden"><div class="field-items"><div class="field-item even"><img typeof="foaf:Image" src="https://www.kidsinthehouse.com/sites/default/files/5_waysto_show_your_kidyou_value_their.png" width="800" height="800" alt="" /></div></div></div><div class="field field-name-body field-type-text-with-summary field-label-hidden"><div class="field-items"><div class="field-item even" property="content:encoded"><p>Getting to know your child can be a separate parenting task all in itself! There are times when simply asking your child what is going on with them will produce little to no conversation at all. And then there are times when your child is a verbal water hose, letting out everything that is going on in their life all at once. But no matter which way your child chooses to talk to you, it can be overwhelming to know how to process what they’re saying or what they’re not saying! So, what can you do to learn about your child and still be able to be present for them when (or if) they choose to open up to you?</p> <p>One way to accomplish this while also enhancing your relationship is to be proactive about how you show them that you value your relationship with them!  A <a href="http://www.bendbulletin.com/nation/3020927-151/study-parenting-quality-trumps-quantity#" target="_blank">recent study</a> showed that quality, not quantity, is a better determinant of positive outcomes for your child’s development. Within that study, they looked at “engaged” time – time when a parent was interacting with their child – and found that it is more important to spend quality time where you two are engaging with each other than “accessible”  time – where you are spending time around your child but are not doing a lot of engaging. The study also explained that being a good enough parent is not about obsessing over how much you spend time with your child, but what you do when you spend time with your child. Essentially, this study is encouraging your to actively illustrate how much you value your parent-child relationship!</p> <p>In the interest of being intentional when you express how much you value your relationship wth your child, here are 5 tips that you can use to date your child intentionally:</p> <ul> <li><u><strong>Schedule dates:</strong></u> This may feel like a no-brainer, but when schedules get full and to-do lists get long it can be difficult to remember that you and your child were supposed to go to lunch together. When first starting out, I suggest going on two dates a month and putting them in your schedule along with your other appointments like field trips, doctor’s visits, and game tournaments.<br />  </li> <li><u><strong>Take turns picking activities:</strong></u> Part of dating your child is to develop a relationship where you both get to know more about each other. It’s not just about your child getting to do what they love, but it’s also about showing your child what you love. When you take turns to show each other your interests, you have things to talk about and share with each other between dates.<br />  </li> <li><u><strong>Don’t get too heavy:</strong></u> I encourage you to have fun on your dates together. Don’t try to use that time to get information about what your child is up to and don’t use it as a punishment/reward. This is time that you spend building your relationship and enjoying each other’s company. If something does come up that both of you agree to talk about, then go for it. But if one or both of you would rather not have that discussion then, hold it off for another time.<br />  </li> <li><u><strong>Pick different days for each child:</strong></u> If you have more than one child, give each child their own date. This could get hectic the more children you have, but doing so will allow each child the chance to show you who they are and what they enjoy. Also, unless it’s serious, refrain from talking about the other sibling(s) on your date. Remind your child that the date is about you two getting to know each other.<br />  </li> <li><u><strong>Use feedback:</strong></u> After you’ve had a date, set some time aside to talk about it. You don’t have to get in depth, and you can do it on the way back home from your date. But take a minute to talk about what was awesome and not so awesome about the date. You can talk about things like if there was something that either of you could focus on more or less, if you could pick a better place for the date, or if something really unexpected happened that was funny. Whatever you discuss, make it about having more fun and being more connected on your dates as opposed to a forum to complain about the date.</li> </ul> <p>At the end of the day, displaying how you value this awesome relationship with your kid will move you closer to understanding your child and how they are developing socially, emotionally, and mentally. And when it comes to quality time engaging and interacting with your child, there’s really no better way than to simply hang out with them!</p> </div></div></div> Wed, 17 Jun 2015 18:28:19 +0000 Mercedes Samudio 48737 at https://www.kidsinthehouse.com https://www.kidsinthehouse.com/blogs/mercedes-samudio/5-ways-to-show-your-kid-you-value-their-relationship#comments Diversity Matters: Helping Children Develop Cultural Competence https://www.kidsinthehouse.com/blogs/mercedes-samudio/diversity-matters-helping-children-develop-cultural-competence <div class="field field-name-field-article-image field-type-image field-label-hidden"><div class="field-items"><div class="field-item even"><img typeof="foaf:Image" src="https://www.kidsinthehouse.com/sites/default/files/childrenculturalcompetence_1.png" width="482" height="148" alt="" /></div></div></div><div class="field field-name-body field-type-text-with-summary field-label-hidden"><div class="field-items"><div class="field-item even" property="content:encoded"><p>We now live in a world where diversity often spans past race, and being aware of the various ways that diversity comes into our lives has to be a daily practice. In the series, Diversity Matters, I’ll be sharing insights from mental health professionals about how to discuss a variety of diversity issues with our children.</p> <p>When it comes to teaching our children about cultural differences we have to look past just race, but also help our children learn to respect and understand that there are many ways that people can be different from each other. In this infographic I talk about the 6 steps you can use to help your child understand cultural differences.</p> <p><u><strong>You can view these steps in an inforgraphic <a href="https://magic.piktochart.com/output/5142384-childrenculturalcompetence">here</a>.</strong></u></p> <p>Here are the 6 steps in more depth:</p> <ul> <li><strong>Teach your child the definition of cultural competency</strong>: Cultural competence is having knowledge of people with different cultural backgrounds and being comfortable with those difference. Also, remind your child that culture does not just include race, but also encompasses gender, nationality, sexual orientation, religious beliefs, family structure, and even the food we chose to eat.</li> <li><strong>Be aware of age appropriate ways to explore cultural competency, prejudice, and acceptance</strong>: Each age has its own developmental process when it comes to understanding this concept. For younger children, answer their questions about differences as they are just becoming aware of other people. For school aged kids, focus on role modeling and building self esteem in your child who is just starting to understand that race and culture are permanent. For tweens/teens, there will be much dialogue about dominant vs non-dominant and the idea of justice -- be open to their views as they’re coming to terms with injustice and bias.</li> <li><strong>Have a good set of strategies to begin talking to your child about cultural differences</strong>: Build into your weekly activities space to talk about what your child is experiencing in the world in terms of culture. Some good tips are: be available to explore their questions, be informative when you answer and take notes if you need to follow up on a question, be receptive and try to hear the undertones of what your child is trying to express, be patient and understand that your child might not pick up on nuances in culture right away, and never assume that your child already knows about a certain cultural issue.</li> <li><strong>Think of ways that you can make learning about cultural differences and building cultural competence fun</strong>: For each age group you can find really awesome things to do that will enhance their learning and keep you from lecturing. For younger kids, use music and dance from various cultures to encourage cultural competency. For school aged kids, having them discuss the different proverbs and/or traditions from their culture will help them gain an appreciation of their own and other's culture. And for tweens/teens, I encourage them to get into cultural groups in school or you can take them to different cultural events in your area that allow them to interact with other's outside their culture.</li> <li><strong>Don't always think about teaching tolerance when discussing cultural differences</strong>: Most children have an awareness of being fair, and unless taught or modeled cruelty will be unbiased towards others. Challenge your own views about cultural differences when your child asks questions, and if you feel that you cannot be unbiased allow someone else to answer the question for them. Lastly, be aware of media portrayals of differences and discuss with your child that sometimes television shows and movies will exaggerate or make biased judgments of some cultural groups.</li> <li><strong>Have a healthy dialogue about discrimination and what it means to be discriminated against</strong>: Discrimination is when someone is treated unfairly or less than cultural differences. Explore the impact discrimination has on others, such as feelings of sadness, feeling unworthy, being anxious or fearful of being attacked, trauma from insults and being humiliated, and inability to concentrate for fear of being attacked, talked about, or intimidated. This can be a heavy aspect of talking about cultural differences so I encourage not only talking but also modeling for your child what it means to not discriminate and to have respect for others' differences.</li> </ul> </div></div></div> Fri, 24 Apr 2015 15:50:48 +0000 Mercedes Samudio 48526 at https://www.kidsinthehouse.com https://www.kidsinthehouse.com/blogs/mercedes-samudio/diversity-matters-helping-children-develop-cultural-competence#comments Diversity Matters: Talking To Your Child About LGBT Issues https://www.kidsinthehouse.com/blogs/mercedes-samudio/diversity-matters-talking-to-your-child-about-lgbt-issues <div class="field field-name-field-article-image field-type-image field-label-hidden"><div class="field-items"><div class="field-item even"><img typeof="foaf:Image" src="https://www.kidsinthehouse.com/sites/default/files/shareasimage_4.jpg" width="495" height="329" alt="parenting, mercedes samudio lcsw, parent coach" /></div></div></div><div class="field field-name-body field-type-text-with-summary field-label-hidden"><div class="field-items"><div class="field-item even" property="content:encoded"><p>We now live in a world where diversity often spans past race, and being aware of the various ways that diversity comes into our lives has to be a daily practice. In the series, <u><strong>Diversity Matters</strong></u>, I’ll be sharing insights from mental health professionals about how to discuss a variety of diversity issues with our children. </p> <p>In this post, I asked <a href="http://www.Therapy4LGBT.com">Marlene Klarborg Larsen, M.S</a>.  and <a href="http://creativeinsightscounseling.com">Traci W. Lowenthal, Psy.D.</a>  to discuss an often controversial diversity topic: LGBT issues.</p> <p>Read on to see what Marlene and Dr. Lowenthal have to say about discussing this topic in your home!</p> <p>One of the many issues that the LGBT community has to cope with is <strong>being different</strong>. And, as your child socializes and interacts with others, they will definitely recognize some of those differences. But, no matter what your stance is on the subject, it is imperative that we have the right language for talking about differences with our children. Marlene explained, “Many different family and relationship constellations exist, where children are raised in blended, divorced, single or two parent households and relationships.” This truth can be talked about with your child who may see their friends who have two parents of the same sex. Again, the idea is to help your child recognize and respect differences.</p> <p><strong>But, it can be difficult to know how to word certain issues. This is especially true if you are not familiar with, or comfortable with talking about, the LGBT community.</strong> Dr. Lowenthal suggests the following: “It’s always appropriate to take into consideration the age of the child.  For instance talking to a 5 year old will prove to be different than an older child.” She further explains that “for younger kids, I find that simpler is better.” According to Dr. Lowenthal, you can say things like “Sometimes men and women are couples and sometimes two men and two women can be a couple.”  Still, Trans* identified people (as Dr. Lowenthal corrected me with the politically correct term) it can be even more difficult to explain to our children. Again, language is very important. Dr. Lowenthal suggests saying, “That person has always felt like a boy, and so they are living as a boy” or “Our friend doesn’t feel like they are really a boy or a girl, so they are going to live in a way that makes them happy and comfortable.” I appreciated not only being corrected on how to correctly display the word Trans*, but also the straight forward examples that Dr. Lowenthal shared. Remember, we are models for our children and teaching them the proper way to identify and address others is just as crucial as teaching them to accept others.</p> <p>Both Marlene and Dr. Lowenthal felt that explaining the LGBT community with facts and with <strong>simple language is best, especially for younger children</strong>. While for older children, Dr. Lowenthal suggest more information is best. I agree with this sentiment as older children have to cope with being friends and social with peers who identify as LGBT. Marlene also agrees with giving more information to older children because “we live in a changing world and they hear about it in school, among peers, through media, in the news and when it comes to politics.” Additionally, both Dr. Lowenthal and Marlene agreed that the major side effect of talking about the LGBT community with your child that they can be a better ally to their peers and in their community. They learn how to be supportive and can even deflect the bullying of an LGBT peer. Marlene cemented the importance of talking to your child about being supportive: “LGBT youth live with isolation, fear and anxiety that could lead to suicide if they don’t have support when life gets tough.” Furthermore, I encourage older kids to get involved with their school’s Gay-Straight Alliance or find LGBT community groups (see “Resources” below for some ideas) to learn more about the LGBT community in a safe way.</p> <p>Digging deeper into the discussion, I asked Marlene what it means to be LGBT. She answered, “Being bisexual, gay or lesbian is part of the way people are interested in the same sex on an intimate and emotional level.” But, she was also clear about what it means to experiment or be curious, explaining, “Just because someone has a fantasy or is experimenting with the same sex does not mean they are bisexual, gay or lesbian.” This was an interesting point for me because I know that a lot of our pop culture equally glorifies and shames experimentation based on gender. Marlene enlightened me on the issue: “LGBT youth might feel different, guilty, worry or sense a rejection by peers while not getting the support they deserve. Discovering that the family and friends they thought they knew – they never knew at all leave bruises to the heart that can’t be seen. Growing into the person they would like to be can be difficult when people who were supposed to love them unconditionally are saying they have to continue to live life based certain values or beliefs or fear of embarrassment to the local community.” <strong>This comment really struck me because I know that if we think it’s a phase or we think our child is just experimenting we are not providing them with the safest environment to really explore what being LGBT means for them.</strong> Marlene adds that “coming out is a process” and to “be sensitive to the journey.” She further asserts that, “People are not only coming out to themselves; but also to family, friends and acquaintances.” When you are stuck wondering if your child is experimenting or is actually coming out as LBGT, it is important to get support so that you can create a healthy space for your child to come out, talk about their process, and be confident in their own sexuality.</p> <p>Continuing with having a conversation with your child about the LGBT community Dr. Lowenthal suggests, “Wait until you have some quiet time and ask questions which will enable you to understand your child’s perception.” While Marlene stated that talking about the Trans* community it’s important to remember, “Being trans* exists on a continuum where their unique experiences and expressions are what matters.” They both agreed that shying away from these discussions can be more harmful than helpful. Instead of focusing on the horror of exposing your child to a subject that may influence their sexuality, <strong>I challenge parents to talk about the LGBT community inclusively and not as a separate part of humanity.</strong> Dr. Lowenthal sums this sentiment up beautifully, “Perhaps they will encounter someone in their life at home or school that identifies as an LGBQ or Trans* person, or the child themselves may come to feel one of those identities fits them.  Knowing information early can help prevent so many of the self-esteem damaging experiences that LGBQ and Trans* individuals face.”</p> <p>So, now that you’ve opened the discussion and have braved through some of your child’s questions, <strong>let’s talk about squashing those myths that surround the LGBT community</strong>. These myths, in my opinion, perpetuate the self loathing and self hate that often comes with identifying as LGBT. As a parent, whether your child identifies as LGBT or not, you have the power to help dispel these harmful biases when you talk with your child. Marlene says, “One of the myths that might need to be addressed is that being part of the LGBT community is not a disease nor contagious.” And, further asserts that kids “understand love” so “inclusion of diversity creates a safe place and space where issues of homophobia, equality, justice, freedom, blended families, and privilege can be explored.” Furthermore, Dr. Lowenthal wants the myth of choice to be dispelled, explaining that “helping children understand there is mounting evidence that being gay is the way a person is born. It is not a choice and therefore, gay people cannot change, nor should they.  Teaching acceptance is a lesson that helps children view and perceive a group from a place of empathy, rather than judgment or fear.” Overall, the idea is that as you discuss the LGBT community with your child focus on teaching them that “being an ally, advocate and helping peers by reaching out and being a good friend when you see others hardship” is more about inclusion than focusing on the biases, Marlene shared.</p> <p>Essentially, Marlene and Dr. Lowenthal believe that talking about the LGBT community with your child does not have to be an excruciating burden. <strong>If your focus is on inclusion, respect, acceptance, and being a supportive ally then your message will be clear to your child. Even for the parent that is unsure of their own stance on the issue, keeping your own biases out of the conversation and sharing that love is love no matter who you give it to can make all the difference in your child developing their understanding of the LGBT community.</strong> In her final words, Marlene encourages “Be gentle with yourself and embrace that innocent curiosity and make room to explore the issue together. There might be a valuable lesson for all of you where you connect and get closer when you allow it to flow without resistance even if your belief or opinion differ. This is an opportunity to grow.” And, Dr. Lowenthal agrees, sharing that “demonstrating curiosity and respect for ALL is the best way to model positivity!  Share positive stories or media representations that you may come across.  If you hear a joke or comment that is disparaging of gay or trans* folks, speak up and point out that it is unacceptable.  Your actions (and inactions) communicate volumes to your children.”</p> <p>I want to thank <a href="http://creativeinsightscounseling.com">Dr. Traci Lowenthal</a> and <a href="http://www.Therapy4LGBT.com">Marlene Klarborg Larson, MS</a> for sharing their insights and strategies with us!</p> <p><u><strong>Resources for talking about, and being supporting of, the LGBT community:</strong></u></p> <p><a href="http://www.thetrevorproject.org/">The Trevor Project</a><br /><a href="http://www.cdc.gov/lgbthealth/youth-resources.htm">CDC LGBT Resource List</a><br /><a href="http://community.pflag.org/">PFLAG</a></p> <p> </p> </div></div></div> Sat, 21 Feb 2015 05:26:52 +0000 Mercedes Samudio 48325 at https://www.kidsinthehouse.com https://www.kidsinthehouse.com/blogs/mercedes-samudio/diversity-matters-talking-to-your-child-about-lgbt-issues#comments Diversity Matters: Talking To Your Child About People Who Live With Disabilities https://www.kidsinthehouse.com/blogs/mercedes-samudio/diversity-matters-talking-to-your-child-about-people-who-live-with <div class="field field-name-field-article-image field-type-image field-label-hidden"><div class="field-items"><div class="field-item even"><img typeof="foaf:Image" src="https://www.kidsinthehouse.com/sites/default/files/living_with_1.png" width="800" height="1200" alt="" /></div></div></div><div class="field field-name-body field-type-text-with-summary field-label-hidden"><div class="field-items"><div class="field-item even" property="content:encoded"><p>We now live in a world where diversity often spans past race, and being aware of the various ways that diversity comes into our lives has to be a daily practice. In the series, <u><strong>Diversity Matters</strong></u>, I’ll be sharing insights from mental health professionals about how to discuss a variety of diversity issues with our children.</p> <p>In this post, I asked <a href="http://health-and-psychology.com">Margaret Donohue, PhD</a> to discuss a diversity topic that often goes unnoticed or is ignored all together: People living with disabilities.</p> <p>Read on to see what Margaret has to say about discussing this topic in your home!</p> <p>I asked Dr. Donohue what her experience is with this topic. She explained, “I work with children and adults that are disabled, as well as people that are temporarily able bodied. So let me start by saying that disabled people are most of us at some point in our lives.” And she further explained, “People with obvious disabilities usually don't have to explain that they are disabled. Children are often placed in special education programs for learning differently or needing to do things differently.”  This brings to surface the idea of how can we give our children an empathetic understanding of people living with disabilities and what should we be telling them about this topic.</p> <p>Well, it’s obvious that Dr. Donohue has expertise in this area and with this topic. I know that at times kids tend to stare and/or be curious about someone who has a visible disability. Like, for example, someone who uses a wheelchair in the store or someone who rubs their fingers across a sign to read Braille at the hospital. It can be difficult for kids, especially small children, to not be interested in why a person with disabilities may use aids in their daily life.  So, how does Dr. Donohue suggest we talk to children about disabilities? She answers, “When I talk about disabilities with children I use the ‘do the same things differently’ concept. So someone might need to park closer to stores, or someone might need oxygen to breathe more easily.” Dr. Donohue further recounts, “I did hear of a woman with an oxygen tank telling a child she needed it because she was a mermaid and it allowed her to be out on land. It made it less scary for the child.” So, you can be straight forward about why a person may need assistance or you get creative as the woman using oxygen did. Either way, the idea is that you don’t ignore it or shoo it away, but take the time to explain what your child is seeing. Additionally, you can share that “others might need more times on assignments or a computer to help them read or speak. Some need equipment like a cane, wheelchair, hearing aids, or glasses,” Dr. Donohue says. </p> <p>I also appreciate what Dr. Donohue relates about the desire for most people with disabilities to be independent: “Most people want to do things themselves. So it’s okay to offer to help, but expect most people with disabilities can do things just fine.” A statement that I think you could explain to your child who may have the urge to run up and help someone who is living with a disability.</p> <p>One concern I asked Dr. Donohue to discuss is how people living with disabilities are portrayed in the media. She began, “On TV and in movies, the disabled, if they are included at all are portrayed for heroic or unusual situations, rather than common place situations.” Dr. Donohue further shared that “for obvious disabilities, I think it's easiest to make a parallel to a broken arm or leg. For some people after a few weeks the break will heal and the person won't need a cast, sling, or clutch.”This portrayal can lead children to fantasize disabilities. And, while this is a harmful thing on the surface, it can disconnect us from really understanding the obstacles that a person living with disabilities experiences; even more so if that disability is a less obvious one.</p> <p>This can bring up the idea of distinguishing between the variety of disabilities someone can experience. When talking to your child about the various ways a person can be disabled I think that the distinction between short term disabilities – like a broken arm – and lifelong disabilities – like being deaf – is crucial. Dr. Donohue agreed, explaining, “But some people won't heal completely and may have to use something longer.  For some children it's easier to just use being younger and smaller as an example. There will be some things they might need to use something to help them like reaching for something might take a ladder. Other things might need an invention or help from others.”</p> <p>Circling back around to the issue that children often want to inquire about a person’s disability, Dr. Donohue understands. She stated, “Most children want to ask people with disabilities about the disability. For many disabled people its fine. We can explain how we are disabled and how we manage.” But on the flipside, parents can sometimes have a harder time being around a person living with disabilities for fear that they will say or do something politically incorrect. Dr. Donohue explained: “For adults they are often awkward around the disabled and tell their children not to stare or not to say anything. Some people think some disabilities don't count. So they make comments about people not looking like they are disabled. This comes from being fearful about disability, envy over perceived special treatment, and lack of information about non-obvious disabilities.”</p> <p>When thinking about this topic parents, you can also discuss how certain accommodations for the disabled make it easy for their child too. This normalizes what your child sees and helps them to understand that not all things designed for the disabled can be used exclusively for a disabled person. For example, Dr. Donohue stated, “Some things designed for the disabled have had a significant impact for children. Buttons are lower. Sidewalks are wider. There are more rails, grab handles, and ramps. Signs are bigger and have more contrast making them easier for beginning readers.  There are more tools that can be used. Such as tools to help put on socks, button shirts, an array of applications for cell phones or tablets, step ladders, lowered counters.” Thus, we can illustrate for children that everyone could use a little help sometimes and a person living with a disability is not abnormal for needing or having specific accommodations.</p> <p>Dr. Donohue continued, stating that “we can ask children to think of how they can do things they want to do and what things help them.” By asking this question to your child you get them thinking about how they manage to get their needs met each day. You’re also help them to further understand that this is “the main thing disabled people have to do is think of those things,” Dr. Donohue agrees.</p> <p>The overall idea behind discussing this topic with our children is to normalize the experience and provide an understanding that living with a disability is a multifaceted occurrence. We show our children that while being disabled may appear to be a burden, it is something that we all might experience as one time in our lives. I think that Dr. Donohue sums this thought up perfectly: “We can talk about disability without feeling sorry for the disabled or awe struck about common place activities.  We can ask all people coming to events if they need any special accommodations. Just making the assumption that disabled people are around all the time helps children be inclusive.”</p> <p>I want to thank Dr. Margaret Donohue for lending her expertise to this subject and hope that you’re able to use her experience working with people living with disabilities to enhance your discussions with your family!</p> </div></div></div> Thu, 05 Feb 2015 18:48:37 +0000 Mercedes Samudio 48170 at https://www.kidsinthehouse.com https://www.kidsinthehouse.com/blogs/mercedes-samudio/diversity-matters-talking-to-your-child-about-people-who-live-with#comments Advocating for Your Child in the Schools (Advocating for Your Child Series) https://www.kidsinthehouse.com/blogs/mercedes-samudio/advocating-for-your-child-in-the-schools-advocating-for-your-child-series <div class="field field-name-field-article-image field-type-image field-label-hidden"><div class="field-items"><div class="field-item even"><img typeof="foaf:Image" src="https://www.kidsinthehouse.com/sites/default/files/allergy-school.png" width="450" height="301" alt="" /></div></div></div><div class="field field-name-body field-type-text-with-summary field-label-hidden"><div class="field-items"><div class="field-item even" property="content:encoded"><p>Working with families as a family/parent coach, I get to hear a lot of the stressors that parents endure while raising their children. Although I tend to focus on the behaviors of the child and the relationship between the parents and the children, I can’t close my ears to the plight of families navigating the various systems they encounter while trying to access care for their child. In this series, I will talk about how parents can advocate for their child in areas like school, mental health, and medical care. The second in the series will focus on speaking up for your child’s mental health care. You can read the first post — advocating for your child’ medical care — in this series <a href="http://www.kidsinthehouse.com/blogs/mercedes-samudio/advocating-for-your-childs-medical-care-advocating-for-your-child-series">here</a>.  And, you can read the second post — advocating for your child’s mental health — in this series <a href="http://www.kidsinthehouse.com/blogs/mercedes-samudio/advocating-for-your-childs-mental-health-care-advocating-for-your-child">here</a>. </p> <p>In this last post on what to do to advocate for your child, I’d like to focus on advocating for your child’s education. Advocating for your child on this level can include getting them educational services to help them academically, navigating parent-teacher conferences, and working with the school to help your child with a bullying issue. It can be difficult at times to speak up when dealing with school systems and administrators who insist that you are over-reacting or making a mountain out of a molehill. But, from my experience, the best way to really get your child’s needs met at school is to have the language and the tools needed to be heard. The following lists of tools will give you some insight on how to advocate for your child and help them succeed in school.</p> <p><strong>Develop Relationships</strong></p> <p>When you take the time to develop relationship with the school personnel it does a few things:</p> <ul> <li>They get to know who you are</li> <li>They are more likely to be aware of your child</li> <li>You are more likely to know who is in charge of what</li> </ul> <p>I challenge parents to not only know who their child’s teacher (or, teachers if your child is in a higher grade), but meet the principle, vice principle, dean, counselor, parent office assistants, and other administrators who watch over the school and your child. And, don’t wait until something happens to know these people. The worst time to develop a relationship with the principle is when your child is being punished. A good way to develop these relationships is to participate in school events/activities and/or volunteer in your child’s school’s parent center. Taking this extra step will set you up for the other tools presented in this article.</p> <p><strong>Be Curious</strong></p> <p>Many times parents can be left in the dark about how schools get things done. I have heard from many parents that schools will change policies, enact punishments, and create discussions about sensitive issues all without informing them. It can make you feel very helpless when you child comes home with a flyer or consent form asking you to allow your child to participate in something that goes against your family’s values or ideals. But, instead of getting enraged, get curious. I encourage my parents to go to the school, or talk to the teacher, about the issues that concern them. You should ask the following questions:</p> <ul> <li>How did you come to this decision?</li> <li>Will this enhance my child’s learning?</li> <li>What alternate activity is available is I don’t allow my child to participate?</li> <li>Can I volunteer to help make this issue less confusing for my child?</li> <li>Who will be contacted if my child does not adhere to this new policy?</li> <li>What will occur when, or if, my child does not adhere to this new school rule?</li> </ul> <p>And, while there are many more questions you could ask, these few will start the conversation that will help you feel clearer about what the school is asking of you and your child. It’ll also help with the first tool – developing relationships – as the school will see that you are taking an active role in your child’s education.</p> <p><strong>Ask for the Right Resources</strong></p> <p>When your child is struggling academically, having issues with peers, or dealing with a difficult transition, obtaining the resources to help your child cope can be a tough process. Schools are sometimes dismissive when parents ask for extra help for their child, and as a result, your child has a harder time staying focused in class. For this, I challenge parents to find out exactly what your child needs by asking for a student success team meeting. While this type of meeting may have a different name in your school district, the goal is to help the school and parent find out what the child needs and what resources the school has to meet that need. In these meetings, I tell parents to do the following:</p> <ul> <li>Have a detailed list of what you are noticing with your child</li> <li>Be open to what each member in the team is saying</li> <li>Take notes on what is being said (even if they have someone there to draft the meeting minutes)</li> <li>Ask questions about interventions/accommodations that are unfamiliar to you</li> <li>Restate the next steps that were agreed upon in the meeting and ask for timelines (make sure to note the timelines)</li> </ul> <p>By the end of a student success team meeting, each person involved should be aware of their role in helping your child succeed at school, and when these goals should be completed. An additional way to ask for the right resources is to volunteer at the parent center on your child’s campus. Here you will get firsthand accounts of issues that other children and parents are facing, and that can help you advocate for larger changes in your child’s school – enacting long lasting change.</p> <p><strong>Talk with Your Child</strong><br />Sometimes the simplest tool is the most overlooked. But, talking to your child about what is going on for them at school can give you really succinct insight into what their school experience is like. And, this doesn’t have to be an intrusive conversation – you’re not looking for dirt to get your kid in trouble. Here are a few ways that you can talk to your child that will help you be a better advocate for them:</p> <ul> <li>Did anything happen at school today that was different than (yesterday/the day before/the week before)?</li> <li>How has your teacher been after (the last report card/the last parent-teacher conference)?</li> <li>How are you feeling about (your teacher(s)/your friends/the campus aides)?</li> <li>Is there anything you’d like to tell me about your experience at school today?</li> </ul> <p>These questions go a bit beyond the “How was your day?” generalities and give you a clearer picture of your child’s school experience. You can use your child’s answers to these questions to spark your own curiosity about what may need to change in your child’s school environment. For this tool, I encourage you to focus more on your child’s overall answers as opposed to focusing on your child’s behavior. Remember, you’re looking for ways to advocate for your child.</p> <p><u><strong>Helpful Resources</strong></u></p> <p><a href="http://school-psychology.org/resources-parents/special-education-assessment-process">SchoolPsychology.Org </a></p> <p><a href="http://www2.ed.gov/parents/landing.jhtml">U.S. Department of Education – Parent Resources </a></p> <p><a href="https://www.drnpa.org/File/publications/how-to-be-a-good-advocate-for-your-child---tips-for-parents.pdf">How To Be A Good Advocate for Your Child -  Tips for Parents </a></p> <p><a href="http://www.mhas-la.org/special_education08.htm">Mental Health Advocacy Services – Special Education </a></p> <p> </p> </div></div></div> Tue, 25 Nov 2014 20:55:24 +0000 Mercedes Samudio 47913 at https://www.kidsinthehouse.com https://www.kidsinthehouse.com/blogs/mercedes-samudio/advocating-for-your-child-in-the-schools-advocating-for-your-child-series#comments Advocating for Your Child's Medical Care (Advocating for Your Child Series) https://www.kidsinthehouse.com/blogs/mercedes-samudio/advocating-for-your-childs-medical-care-advocating-for-your-child-series <div class="field field-name-field-article-image field-type-image field-label-hidden"><div class="field-items"><div class="field-item even"><img typeof="foaf:Image" src="https://www.kidsinthehouse.com/sites/default/files/boy-and-doctor.jpeg" width="425" height="282" alt="" /></div></div></div><div class="field field-name-body field-type-text-with-summary field-label-hidden"><div class="field-items"><div class="field-item even" property="content:encoded"><p>Working with families as a family/parent coach, I get to hear a lot of the stressors that parents endure while raising their children. Although I tend to focus on the behaviors of the child and the relationship between the parents and the children, I can’t close my ears to the plight of families navigating the various systems they encounter while trying to access care for their child. In this series, I will talk about how parents can advocate for their child in areas like school, mental health, and medical care. The first in the series will focus on speaking up for your child’s medical care. To help with this specific area of advocating for your child, I enlisted the help of Debora Gilboa, MD, author of <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Behavior-Want-Without-Being-Parent/dp/193630371X/ref=la_B00I5WE6B4_1_1?s=books&amp;ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1408594368&amp;sr=1-1">Get the Behavior You Want... Without Being the Parent You Hate!</a></p> <p><span style="line-height: 1.538em;">So, what’s the deal with doctors (pediatricians, specialists, etc.) giving parents the cold shoulder when they are concerned about their child’s health? I asked myself this question after many talks with families trying to access the appropriate care for their children. Parents often complain that the doctor never has time to talk to them, or that their doctor always seems to dismiss the severity of their child’s symptoms. And, while the quick solution would be to change doctors immediately, I think the long term solution is to give parents the tools they need to really be advocates for their child’s medical care.</span></p> <p>Gone are the days of “do as the doctor says”, especially now as we are in the era of prescription pills, quick cures, and over-hyped diagnoses.  Parents also have more access to health care information than previous generations with websites and apps like WebMD and the like. But, until we get further into the future, parents are still at the mercy of healthcare professionals.</p> <p><strong>How To Find The Right Doctor?</strong></p> <p>Dr. Gilboa notes that the best way for parents to find the right doctor for their child is simply to ask. She states, “Ask your doctor, ‘Do you have experience managing ______________? How often have you dealt with this in the past and do you feel up to date about the current recommendations?’” It’s important to understand that just because they are a doctor does not mean that they have the experience to treat your child’s illness or medical concern. Dr. Gilboa added that, “No doctor who cares for kids should ever be offended by such a question.” And, I second this sentiment – when it comes to your child their medical degree does not give them the right to disrespectfully dismiss your questions or refute your claims. The dialoague should always include the collaboration of your thoughts and their medical advice. </p> <p>In addition to finding the right doctor, I also encourage parents to seek the types of treatment they feel work best for their child and their family. Many doctors may attempt to push certain medications or treatments on you and almost force you to believe that this is the only treatment. However, I challenge parents to seek a second opinion, or look to other medical methods to compliment traditional medicine. “Anything you do to support your child's health should be something you discuss with your health care practitioner. So if you use naturopathy and allopathic medicine (the MD kind) then your allopath should know about your naturopathy and your naturopath should know about your use of western medicine,” says Dr. Gilboa. It can be scary to speak up with your child’s doctor, but remember, this is not about you trying to outwit the doctor – it’s about you finding the best course of treatment for your child’s overall health.</p> <p><strong>What To Ask At Follow-Ups</strong></p> <p>One of the common misconceptions I’ve discussed with parents is the follow-up visits or well child exams. Many parents feel that the doctor knows what to check and what to ask the parents. But, a lot of the time, the doctors are looking to you to let them know of any changes in your child’s medical history since the last visit – which can be up to 1 year prior. I strongly encourage my parents to keep a medical journal that lists all the major (and minor) ailments and illnesses that their child battled over the past year. I suggest listing injuries, sleep irregularities, growth spurts, menstrual schedules (for tween and teen girls), colds/flus, and even trips to other areas of the county or out of the county. Information like this is essential in helping your doctor know what is typical for your child’s age range and what could be problematic. Dr. Gilboa adds that there are three specific questions that you should definitely ask:</p> <ul> <li>Is my child growing and developing in a healthy way?</li> <li>Are you worried about anything?</li> <li>What should we be doing to help her continue to be healthy?</li> </ul> <p><strong>The Immunization Issue</strong></p> <p>Without getting into the controversy that surrounds whether you should or should not immunize your child, the fact remains that any medical decision you make for your child should be well researched and discussed with your child’s primary care physician. I err on the side of caution with this when it comes up for my parents, and suggest that unless your child is going to be homeschooled or away from other children that they think before making a final decision on immunizations. I also appreciate what Dr. Gilboa explains, “Immunizations save lives. As a doctor, I have seen people die of almost every disease that we can prevent with vaccines. I have seen kids suffer most of the possible side effects of vaccines. Vaccination is far safer. I vaccinate my own kids as early as I can with every vaccine I can - because I love them.”</p> <p>Additionally, I’d like to state that there is some misinformation and informal research that suggests that vaccines are linked to certain disorders or certain side effects. Again, I can’t make a decision for the families I work with, or for you, but I strongly recommend that when making this decision you are doing so with the advice and direction of a skilled medical professional</p> <p><strong>Discussing The Link Between Mental and Physical Health</strong></p> <p>It’s not uncommon for families to be concerned whether their child’s medical concerns have a mental or physical basis. Oftentimes, parents are concerned that their primary care physician is not taking other factors into consideration when assessing their child’s whole medical picture. My suggestion is to ask for a mental health assessment along with a physical if you suspect that your child’s medical concerns are caused by mental or emotional triggers. Many doctors are either skilled at doing a brief mental health assessment or they can refer you to a mental health professional who can do a full assessment. Dr. Gilboa asserts that “most symptoms are firmly rooted in the body and the mind” and that trying to label symptoms as purely physical or purely emotional can be difficult to do. It’s not uncommon for your child to have both a physical and mental assessment, especially if after doing tests and blood work your doctor is still not sure of the cause of the behavior or illness.</p> <p>While all of these tips may seem like common sense, I know that when parents are stressed and/or worried about their child’s health it is easy to forget what to say or ask. One thing that I always stress is that you are your child’s main advocator until they are old enough to speak up for themselves. You’re modeling for them how to be strong advocates for their own health. Dr. Gilboa puts it honestly, "You can't ever feel calm about your health or your child's if you don't have a strong, open, communicative and respectful relationship with the medical professionals you choose.” I couldn’t have said it better myself.</p> </div></div></div> Fri, 12 Sep 2014 02:35:08 +0000 Mercedes Samudio 47725 at https://www.kidsinthehouse.com https://www.kidsinthehouse.com/blogs/mercedes-samudio/advocating-for-your-childs-medical-care-advocating-for-your-child-series#comments Just Talk About It: Mental Health Awareness in Your Family https://www.kidsinthehouse.com/blogs/mercedes-samudio/just-talk-about-it-mental-health-awareness-in-your-family <div class="field field-name-field-article-image field-type-image field-label-hidden"><div class="field-items"><div class="field-item even"><img typeof="foaf:Image" src="https://www.kidsinthehouse.com/sites/default/files/familymentalhealth_blog.jpg" width="425" height="282" alt="" /></div></div></div><div class="field field-name-body field-type-text-with-summary field-label-hidden"><div class="field-items"><div class="field-item even" property="content:encoded"><p>With the recent deaths of noted celebrities, and <a href="http://health.usnews.com/health-news/articles/2012/04/16/the-choking-game-and-other-dangerous-games-your-kids-should-avoid">the choking challenge</a> videos that have gone viral on the internet, it is becoming increasing important to talk about the effects of mental health on our society with our families.</p> <p>I know that it is one of those topics that we rarely think about until it hits home, or hits the news. But, being able to notice the signs of someone suffering from mental or emotional distress is life saving – for the person suffering and their loved ones.</p> <p>When we talk openly about our feelings and struggles, we normalize it for our children and help them learn that discussing their concerns is not a sign of weakness.</p> <p>However, it can be such a daunting and scary task to talk about mental health with our children. We don’t want them to get any ideas. We don’t want to think that things can be so painful for them that they would think about harming themselves or someone else.</p> <p>But, the truth is – mental health awareness is not just about immediate response. It’s about knowing that our mental health is just as important as physical health. It’s about creating a safe space to talk about our feelings and thoughts without judgment and shame. And, it’s about letting each member of our family know that they don’t have to suffer alone.</p> <p>Interestingly enough, I grew up in a family where mental health was usually discussed with a negative air, having emotional issues was a sign of weakness, and talking about feelings made you sensitive. It took a long time for me to realize that no matter how much I tried to shove it under the rug and keep it hidden, I had feelings and thoughts that could change the way I lived and enjoyed life. It was difficult to reach out as a young adult for help because it was ingrained in me that the feelings and thoughts I was having were signs of weakness and made me too thin-skinned.</p> <p>I know that I am not the only one who grew up in a household where mental health – or mental illness – was a bad, shameful word. But, you now have the power to change those habits and allow your family to develop healthy associations with the word mental health.</p> <p>These are some strategies that I give to parents for building then foundation for mental health acceptance into their families:</p> <h3><strong>Talk about feelings</strong></h3> <p>Like, actually start sentences off with: “I feel…” or “I’m feeling…” Expand your feelings vocabulary from mad, happy, or sad and really show that it’s okay to have a spectrum of feelings. Make attempts to listen to each other when feelings are shared, and try not to dismiss the feelings as dramatic or fleeting. And, if you’re at a loss for feelings words, check out these feelings posters/card: <a href="http://bit.ly/feelingsposters">http://bit.ly/feelingsposters</a></p> <h3><strong>Learn about mental health together</strong></h3> <p>Sadly, the only way we seem to know about mental health is when something tragic has happened. But, mental health awareness is also about learning positive ways to develop healthy emotions and thought habits. There are a lot of organizations that believe in mental health awareness. One of the most recognized is the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI). I encourage you to take you family to an informational meeting or NAMI event in your area: <a href="http://bit.ly/1oqRk4c">http://bit.ly/1oqRk4c</a></p> <h3><strong>Share daily experiences</strong></h3> <p>One of the most effective ways to help build a safe space in your home to talk about mental health is to just talk! Each day you and your family experience all sorts of things – from school to work to traffic to getting everyone to their respective activities. All these experiences have different effects on each member of your family. I encourage families to share at least 20-30 mins a day just listening to each others daily experiences. And, it doesn’t have to interfere with your already cramped schedule – you can do this on the car ride home, while you're cleaning the kitchen dishes, or as part of your bedtime ritual. The more you know about how each member handles their day, the more likely you’ll be to notice changes in their behaviors or feelings or thoughts.</p> <h3><strong>Know where to find help</strong></h3> <p>This may be the most overlooked part of building mental health awareness into your child’s thoughts. But, just like you’ve taught them how to find help if they are lost, you should teach your child where to go when they need help with overwhelming feelings or thoughts. Help your child understand that it is not a sign of weakness to talk to a teacher, counselor, religious leader, coach, or mental health professional is they are feeling weighed down by their feelings. Also, I always encourage families to have access to hotlines (like the National Suicide Hotline: <a href="http://bit.ly/NationalSuicideHotline">http://bit.ly/NationalSuicideHotline</a>) available in the house for anyone to use.</p> <p>Overall, parents it is important that you create a safe space in your home for your children to talk about what is bothering them – whether it’s emotional, psychological, or physical. Building mental health awareness and education into your family’s tradition can help save lives and prevent tragic events from bringing pain to those you love.</p> <h3><strong>Resources:</strong></h3> <p>Feelings Poster – <a href="http://bit.ly/feelingsposters">http://bit.ly/feelingsposters</a></p> <p>National Alliance on Mental Illness – <a href="http://bit.ly/1oqRk4c">http://bit.ly/1oqRk4c</a></p> <p>National Suicide Hotline – <a href="http://bit.ly/NationalSuicideHotline">http://bit.ly/NationalSuicideHotline</a></p> <p>MentalHealth.Gov -- <a href="http://1.usa.gov/1kYekXD">http://1.usa.gov/1kYekXD</a></p> <p> </p> </div></div></div> Tue, 12 Aug 2014 04:11:40 +0000 Mercedes Samudio 47588 at https://www.kidsinthehouse.com https://www.kidsinthehouse.com/blogs/mercedes-samudio/just-talk-about-it-mental-health-awareness-in-your-family#comments Helping Children Understand Media Influence https://www.kidsinthehouse.com/blogs/mercedes-samudio/helping-children-understand-media-influence <div class="field field-name-field-article-image field-type-image field-label-hidden"><div class="field-items"><div class="field-item even"><img typeof="foaf:Image" src="https://www.kidsinthehouse.com/sites/default/files/180401476.jpg" width="600" height="400" alt="" /></div></div></div><div class="field field-name-body field-type-text-with-summary field-label-hidden"><div class="field-items"><div class="field-item even" property="content:encoded"><p>When it comes to families and the media (i.e., television, movies, the internet), parents often feel like they are fighting a losing battle. I hear many parents tell me that their children learn about sex, profanity, and violence from watching things on television or from a movie. Sometimes, still, kids will tell me that they sneak and watch things that they know their parents would not allow. And, in the mix of it all, kids and parents lose sight of how significant an influence media has on them.</p> <p>At times, parents will feel as if they need to monitor each and everything that their child consumes in the media. While I agree that developing healthy limits on how your child consumes media is definitely appropriate, I also think that the best way to help your child learn how to make better decisions about what they watch and how it influences them is to talk about it directly as opposed to outright restricting it. I have worked with families who have decided that social media, certain movies, and certain television shows are forbidden in their home. The unfortunate truth with this stance is that it works when parents are the main influence in their child’s lives, but this logic falls apart as children grow older and have access to other’s influences (like peers and access to media outside the home). What I want parents to focus on is not the amount of media that is consumed, but to focus on helping your child develop healthy ways to process and understand the media influence.</p> <p>The influence for this article comes on the heels on a tragic event that recently occurred a month ago in when two 12 year-old girls stabbed their 12 year-old friend and blamed it on the Slender Man mythology. When I hear stories like this, I began to look at how families talk about media influence in their child’s lives and whether there is a space for the child to explore what they know to real, what they question as reality, and how to bridge the gap between the two. And, while I never solely blame the media or the parent for occurrences like this, I do like to talk to the families I work with to see how they are helping their families process.</p> <p>Now, while events like this are tragic and probably confirm for parents why they should be more restrictive, let’s get back to what I know to be the best way to help your child develop the skills to analyze and talk about what they are consuming – just talk about. Seriously! Talking about what is seen on television, or what situations arise during a movie, is the most effective way to help a child understand the issue and make better decisions about the issue in the future. Here are some tips that can help you with having a conversation with your child:</p> <ul> <li><em style="line-height: 1.538em;">Find out what you child consumes</em><span style="line-height: 1.538em;"> – Try to keep an open mind while watching a television show or a video online before judging</span></li> <li><em style="line-height: 1.538em;">Talk about what is appropriate to watch</em><span style="line-height: 1.538em;"> – After watching the show or video, start a discussion on what is appropriate to watch in the house</span></li> <li><em style="line-height: 1.538em;">Set up a time to watch things together</em><span style="line-height: 1.538em;"> – This can be the most effective tools because as you watch shows or videos with your child you can see in real time how your child is responding to the themes presented</span></li> </ul> <p><strong>Talking About Real Life Stories</strong></p> <p>Sometimes the events that occur – like the Slender Man stabbing or a school shooting – are not fictional. Sometimes the things that influence our children are real, and have real consequences. But, it has become an unspoken truth that children have to be protected at all costs, and talking to them about scary things should be avoided. However, let’s be honest, they will be exposed to unsettling, scary things as they get older and gain access to media that you do not permit. So, when things like this occur in real life, I highly recommend using the same tips above to start the conversation, and also adding these tips:</p> <ul> <li><em>Ask if they know of the incident</em> – Before just assuming that your child knows about the media coverage on a particular topic, ask if they have heard about it</li> <li><em style="line-height: 1.538em;">Try not to judge</em><span style="line-height: 1.538em;"> – Listen to your child’s interpretation of the occurrence. They may be completely off in terms of the motives and understanding, but this is a good time to learn how your child processes real life events</span></li> <li><em style="line-height: 1.538em;">Be honest about your feelings</em><span style="line-height: 1.538em;"> – The most effective way to help your child manage their feelings about a real life event is to be honest about how it made you feel. This will show your child that it is okay to be affected and could open a good discussion about how to process events as they occur in the media.</span></li> </ul> <p><span style="line-height: 1.538em;">As you notice your child being more influenced by, or interested in media, try to help them understand how to process it by being honest, open, empathetic, and understanding. The shocking truth is that when we allow a space for children to process what they are seeing, we allow them to develop a healthy awareness about the media (whether fictional or real life) and how they allow it to influence their decisions and ideas.</span></p> </div></div></div> Thu, 31 Jul 2014 23:39:37 +0000 Mercedes Samudio 47522 at https://www.kidsinthehouse.com https://www.kidsinthehouse.com/blogs/mercedes-samudio/helping-children-understand-media-influence#comments