Tips for teaching daughters to be independent and safe

SuEllen Hamkins, MD Psychiatrist & Author, shares advice for parents on how they can teach their daughters to be independent and safe young women
Teaching Daughters To Be Independent And Safe - Parenting Teens
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Tips for teaching daughters to be independent and safe

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There are several things you can do to help your daughter be safe and feel empowered as she goes off in the world. First, teach her to trust her gut. Ask her, "When you feel afraid, where do you feel it in your body?" "When you feel safe, how does your body feel?" You want her to learn to listen to the cues that her body is giving her and to trust her intuition. Next, you want to teach her that there are people in the world who want to harm her and people who will be happy to help her and you can tell her who in your community those people are likely to be. Third, role play situations that she might encounter. For example, if she is about to start taking the subway by herself. Role play a situation where a guy is standing too closely to her on the subway. It will teach her what she can do, and it will also teach her that she is entitled to do it. Another thing you can do is take a self-defense class with her. It will be fun for both of you and she'll feel like she has the skills she needs to feel safe in the world. Finally, gradually offer increasing autonomy and check out how it's going. What we want for our daughters is for them to be safe in the world, but we also want them to feel empowered and do what they want.

SuEllen Hamkins, MD Psychiatrist & Author, shares advice for parents on how they can teach their daughters to be independent and safe young women

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SuEllen Hamkins, MD

Psychiatrist & Author

SuEllen Hamkins, MD, is a psychiatrist, author and founding member of the Mother-Daughter Project, a community of women and girls that developed powerful, practical ways to help mothers and daughters stay connected and thrive through adolescence. Co-author of The Mother-Daughter Project: How Mothers and Daughters Can Band Together, Beat the Odds and Thrive Through Adolescence, Dr. Hamkins has given numerous presentations for parents and psychotherapists around the world, focusing on mothers, daughters, their relationships and the kinds of communities that nurture them.  As the psychiatrist for the Smith College Counseling Service from 1992-2004, SuEllen offered consultation to over a thousand women ages 16 to 23 to help them resist and overcome problems such as anorexia, bulimia, depression, anxiety, trauma, assault, and self-injury.  In addition to her work on behalf of mothers and daughters, as the Assistant Director for Psychiatry at the University of Massachusetts-Amherst, she has been instrumental in developing strengths-based, narrative approaches to psychotherapy and psychiatric practice, helping people cultivate their values and strengths in the face of serious difficulties.  SuEllen is the mother of two daughters, now 17 and 22, and raising them has been the most thrilling and rewarding work of her life. She lives with her husband and younger daughter in western Massachusetts, where they love to swim outdoors, cross country ski, shoe snow, dance, cook and lounge around in the living room, reading. 

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