Kids in the House - Divorce & Separation https://www.kidsinthehouse.com/articles/parenting-advice-on-divorce-separation en Dating After Divorce Do's and Don'ts https://www.kidsinthehouse.com/all-parents/divorce/dating-after-divorce-dos-and-donts <div class="field field-name-field-article-image field-type-image field-label-hidden"><div class="field-items"><div class="field-item even"><img typeof="foaf:Image" src="https://www.kidsinthehouse.com/sites/default/files/styles/article-725w/public/dating_after_divorce_dos_and_donts.jpg?itok=NE74uIBc" width="600" height="400" alt="" /></div></div></div><div class="field field-name-body field-type-text-with-summary field-label-hidden"><div class="field-items"><div class="field-item even" property="content:encoded"><p>Dating after a divorce can be a precarious situation for both parents and children.  Approaching the topic may come more naturally in some cases, and some children will naturally be more inquisitive about future relationships and their personal role in this newly structured family.  Talking to children about <a href="http://www.kidsinthehouse.com/all-parents/divorce/dating-after-divorce/talking-kids-about-dating-after-divorce">dating after a divorce</a> will vary greatly depending on the current relationship of the divorced parents, the age and temperament of the children, and various other factors. </p> <p>Michelle Mahendra is an herbalist and mother to a four-year-old girl.  She has firsthand experience dating with a child and decided that her strategy was to keep her child as uninvolved as possible unless the relationship became serious and the couple was considering moving in together.  She noted that it was important to her that her daughter not think that every man who comes to her home to pick her up on a date may be a potential next step-father.  Instead, Michelle has decided to shelter her daughter until the relationship is at a certain critical point for moving forward.</p> <p>Many parents wonder about the professional opinion and recommendations of psychologists and doctors on the issue of parental dating.  Dr. Alan Yellin is a psychologist and a marriage and family therapist who believes that the time to <a href="http://www.kidsinthehouse.com/all-parents/divorce/dating-after-divorce/introducing-new-partner-your-child">introduce a child to a significant other</a> is when you are pretty certain that you are going to move on the path towards engagement or when you are engaged.  He recommends starting off rather slowly without any demonstration of affection and for a short period of time.  Increasing the frequency and duration of visits over time allows children to develop a relationship with the significant other rather than feeling like they suddenly have a new mom or dad, or someone to compete for attention with.</p> <p>There is no absolute right time to introduce your child to your new significant other, and no specific rules for dating after divorce- always use your best judgment and do what you feel is best for your child.  Some children react well and are happy to meet a new person, while others will find the experience upsetting and confusing.  Seek counsel from trusted family and friends and always make sure you are acting in the best interest of your child.  You may be excited for your new partner to meet your child, but consider that your child might not be ready or may need to move more slowly in building this new relationship.</p> </div></div></div><section class="field field-name-field-article-categories field-type-taxonomy-term-reference field-label-above clearfix"> <h2 class="field-label">Article Categories:&nbsp;</h2> <ul class="field-items"> <li class="field-item even"> <a href="/articles/parenting-advice-on-divorce-separation" typeof="skos:Concept" property="rdfs:label skos:prefLabel" datatype="">Divorce &amp; Separation</a> </li> </ul> </section> <section class="field field-name-field-video-category field-type-taxonomy-term-reference field-label-above clearfix"> <h2 class="field-label">Category:&nbsp;</h2> <ul class="field-items"> <li class="field-item even"> <a href="/all-parents" typeof="skos:Concept" property="rdfs:label skos:prefLabel" datatype="">ALL PARENTS</a> </li> <li class="field-item odd"> <a href="/all-parents/divorce" typeof="skos:Concept" property="rdfs:label skos:prefLabel" datatype="">Divorce</a> </li> <li class="field-item even"> <a href="/all-parents/divorce/dating-after-divorce" typeof="skos:Concept" property="rdfs:label skos:prefLabel" datatype="">Dating After Divorce</a> </li> </ul> </section> Fri, 08 Aug 2014 17:43:31 +0000 WebAdminKith 47548 at https://www.kidsinthehouse.com https://www.kidsinthehouse.com/all-parents/divorce/dating-after-divorce-dos-and-donts#comments The Effects of Divorce on Children https://www.kidsinthehouse.com/all-parents/divorce/the-effects-of-divorce-on-children <div class="field field-name-field-article-image field-type-image field-label-hidden"><div class="field-items"><div class="field-item even"><img typeof="foaf:Image" src="https://www.kidsinthehouse.com/sites/default/files/styles/article-725w/public/divorce_heart_2.jpg?itok=nYcGZMmd" width="600" height="600" alt="" /></div></div></div><div class="field field-name-body field-type-text-with-summary field-label-hidden"><div class="field-items"><div class="field-item even" property="content:encoded"><p>Whether amicable or hostile, separation and <a href="http://www.kidsinthehouse.com/all-parents/divorce/emotional-support-children/effects-divorce">divorce</a> are a huge disruption in the home, according to Psychologist Katherine Sellwood.  Suddenly the child has two homes, and must spend time with each parent separately.  This affects children differently, some coping better than others.  A wide range of emotions should be expected, from depression to anger.  Despite the negativity that arises, divorce need not have any long-term effects on children.  However children react, parents divorcing will always have an effect on them no matter what age. </p> <p>The worst-case scenario for children is a high-conflict divorce.  As described by Dr. Sellwood, a <a href="http://www.kidsinthehouse.com/all-parents/divorce/emotional-support-children/effects-high-conflict-divorce-children">hostile relationship</a> between divorcing parents does not allow for a child to develop or use communication skills.  They end up withdrawing from conflict and concentrate on developing self-preservation skills.  In such scenarios, parents’ preoccupation with each other may create an environment where children don’t know where to turn to ask for help with their feelings.  They may fear approaching one parent may cause difficulty with the other.</p> <p>Very young children are still exploring the rules of the world around them, according to child therapist Douglas Green.  Because they are learning about permanency in their lives, divorce can upset their perspectives greatly.  If they believe parents are always supposed to stay together, a <a href="http://www.kidsinthehouse.com/all-parents/divorce/effects-divorce-children-0">separation will cause confusion and anxiety</a>. In such a case, young children may believe the divorce is their fault.</p> <p>Though certainly an important and disruptive life event, divorce need not be permanently damaging or negative.  Communicating with children and allowing them to ask questions and seek support or advice creates an environment that helps them better understand the situation.  It is especially important to communicate to children that the divorce is not their fault.  This is best achieved by continuing to partner as parents even during separation.  Maintaining openness, recognizing difficulty, and keeping a consistent parenting message is all possible with effective communication both between parents and with the children. </p> <p>Despite any negativity, Dr. Joshua Sparrow assures there is always hope.  Contrary to old wisdom, children need not carry any permanent effects from divorce.  While kids will suffer to some degree while parents heal, acknowledging this difficulty helps children reconcile the idea. Even separated, it is possible to continue <a href="http://www.kidsinthehouse.com/all-parents/divorce/effects-divorce-children-0">co-parenting</a> and providing a supportive environment.  A spirit of communication helps children develop problem-solving skills as well as the ability to ask questions, learn about their own and others’ feelings, and better understand what is happening to them.</p> </div></div></div><section class="field field-name-field-article-categories field-type-taxonomy-term-reference field-label-above clearfix"> <h2 class="field-label">Article Categories:&nbsp;</h2> <ul class="field-items"> <li class="field-item even"> <a href="/articles/parenting-advice-on-divorce-separation" typeof="skos:Concept" property="rdfs:label skos:prefLabel" datatype="">Divorce &amp; Separation</a> </li> </ul> </section> <section class="field field-name-field-video-category field-type-taxonomy-term-reference field-label-above clearfix"> <h2 class="field-label">Category:&nbsp;</h2> <ul class="field-items"> <li class="field-item even"> <a href="/all-parents" typeof="skos:Concept" property="rdfs:label skos:prefLabel" datatype="">ALL PARENTS</a> </li> <li class="field-item odd"> <a href="/all-parents/divorce" typeof="skos:Concept" property="rdfs:label skos:prefLabel" datatype="">Divorce</a> </li> <li class="field-item even"> <a href="/all-parents/divorce/emotional-support-for-children" typeof="skos:Concept" property="rdfs:label skos:prefLabel" datatype="">Emotional Support for Children</a> </li> </ul> </section> Tue, 05 Aug 2014 17:42:53 +0000 WebAdminKith 47533 at https://www.kidsinthehouse.com https://www.kidsinthehouse.com/all-parents/divorce/the-effects-of-divorce-on-children#comments