KidsInTheHouse the Ultimate Parenting Resource
X
New Playlist
Comment
Transcript
0

Must See LGBTQ Videos

Bookmark and Share
  • Chris Fulton, PhD, Clinical Psychologist  | Transcript:When you think that your child may be gay or lesbian, you may be faced with a dilemma.

You are not sure if you approach your child and ask directly or wait until they tell me.  I've had gay teens tell me either side.  Sometimes they say it makes it easier when parents ask because they can say,
    Now Playing
    Clinical Psychologist
    When you think that your child may be gay or lesbian, you may be faced with a dilemma. You are not sure if you approach your child and ask directly or wait until they tell me. I've had gay teens tell me either side. Sometimes they say it makes it easier when parents ask because they can say, "Finally, my parents asked me," and they can come out. Other times, they are not ready and you have to wait. I usually say, wait to ask the direct question, but put out there an indirect communication where you say, "Hey, I wanted to let you know that if you play sports that's okay. If you choose whatever major you want to have in college, that's okay. I just wanted to let you know that I love you no matter who you are and what you do." It communicates that openness and creates an opportunity for that gay teen to be able to share that they are gay. I think that's important to give that environment.

    Chris Fulton, PhD

    Clinical Psychologist

    Dr. Christopher Fulton is a licensed clinical psychologist and has been in private practice for over ten years. He received his doctorate in 1994 from the California School of Professional Psychology, Los Angeles. Dr. Fulton has clinical training and experience in a variety of settings, and also has administrative, teaching, supervision, consulting, research and psychological testing experience. Dr. Fulton provides consultation and ongoing therapy for children, adolescents and adults. He conducts group, individual, couples and family therapy and actively works with a variety of childhood disorders, including: adjustment disorder, ADHD, anxiety, depression, oppositional defiant and other emotional-behavioral disorders. Among his most frequent areas of concentration is divorce, for which Dr. Fulton offers therapy for all involved.

    Utilizing research-supported methods in treatment, Dr. Fulton's approach to therapy involves a combination of cognitive-behavioral, family systems and interpersonal interventions. In his work with children, Dr. Fulton involves parents and assists them in developing appropriate responses to their children, since he believes that ultimately the parent will make the most significant impact on the child. Dr. Fulton helps parents establish appropriate boundaries, communication and methods of discipline in order to increase positive relationships with their children.

    More Parenting Videos from Chris Fulton, PhD >
  • JoAnn Deak, PhD, Psychologist & Author  | Transcript:When I'm talking with groups of parents about gender differences, I normally talk about gender differences in the brain, but gender differences in general. And a question that always comes up has to do with being gay. And I think parents sometimes feel some guilt or that they did something in the growing up years to lead this person into a direction of sexual orientation that is different from the mainstream. So I launch into right away the research that we have. This is my quick way of saying it: In utero, when the fetus is about 9 weeks old, it starts producing its own estrogen and testosterone. If it's a boy baby, a bunch of testosterone, some estrogen. If it's a girl baby, a bunch of estrogen and some testosterone. If that parody testosterone estrogen, narrows a bit for a boy, he becomes a 20 percenter; he just may think in some ways like a girl. If it gets closer, less testosterone and/or more estrogen, it goes into the lower part of the brain where gender orientation is, and it affects sexuality and homosexuality is there. If it gets close to parody, hermaphroditic body parts externally, internally, or both. So basically, almost all homosexuality is a done deal done by chemicals and somewhat by chromosomes, but a good deal by chemicals in utero during pregnancy unrelated to what a woman does or doesn't do.
    Now Playing
    Psychologist & Author
    When I'm talking with groups of parents about gender differences, I normally talk about gender differences in the brain, but gender differences in general. And a question that always comes up has to do with being gay. And I think parents sometimes feel some guilt or that they did something in the growing up years to lead this person into a direction of sexual orientation that is different from the mainstream. So I launch into right away the research that we have. This is my quick way of saying it: In utero, when the fetus is about 9 weeks old, it starts producing its own estrogen and testosterone. If it's a boy baby, a bunch of testosterone, some estrogen. If it's a girl baby, a bunch of estrogen and some testosterone. If that parody testosterone estrogen, narrows a bit for a boy, he becomes a 20 percenter; he just may think in some ways like a girl. If it gets closer, less testosterone and/or more estrogen, it goes into the lower part of the brain where gender orientation is, and it affects sexuality and homosexuality is there. If it gets close to parody, hermaphroditic body parts externally, internally, or both. So basically, almost all homosexuality is a done deal done by chemicals and somewhat by chromosomes, but a good deal by chemicals in utero during pregnancy unrelated to what a woman does or doesn't do.

    JoAnn Deak, PhD

    Psychologist & Author

    JoAnn Deak, PhD, has spent more than 30 years as an educator and psychologist, helping children develop into confident and competent adults. The latter half of that period has also focused on working with adults, parents and teachers in their roles as guides or ‘neurosculptors’ of children. On her website is a quote that best describes her perspective on her work: “every interaction a child has, during the course of a day, influences the adult that child will become.”

    Parents and educators at schools from New York to Hawaii, as well as such organizations as the National Association of School Psychologists, the National Association of Independent Schools, the Association of International Schools, the American Montessori Society and the International Baccalaureate Association, have heralded Dr. Deak’s ability to demystify complex issues of child development, learning, identify formation and brain research.

    Dr. Deak has been an advisor to Outward Bound, a past chair of the National Committee for Girls and Women in Independent Schools, on the advisory board for the Center on Research for Girls (Laurel School), for the Seattle Girls’ School, Bromley Brook School, the Red Oak School, Power Play and GOAL. She consults with organizations and schools across the United States. Most recently, she has worked internationally with schools, organizations, associations and parent groups in every continent (except Antarctica!) She has been awarded the Woman of Achievement Award by the National Coalition of Girls’ Schools, was given the first Female Educator of the Year Award by Orchard House School, and the Outstanding Partner for Girls Award from Clemson University. She has been named the Visiting Scholar in New Zealand, the Visiting Scholar for Montessori Children’s House and has been the Resident Scholar for the Gardner Carney Leadership Institute in Colorado Springs for the past five years.

    More Parenting Videos from JoAnn Deak, PhD >
  • Susan Goldberg, MA, Author & Blogger  | Transcript:Who's the biological mom?  I think for 2 women who are going to have a baby together, or for that matter 2 men, that question comes up all the time.  So it's one that you really need to be prepared to answer.  So it's something that partners need to sit down and discuss with each other.  Over and over again, I think before you get pregnant or during the pregnancy, it's a little more obvious, but after the fact, I think that's a really hard question because you have 2 women who are both going to be mothers or are mothers to a child, and when you ask a question like that, it really makes biology important.  It really says who's the one who's actually the mother.  That's how it often feels.  And it can be really, really hurtful to a non-biological parent, and it can be really hurtful to a biological parent too to sort of constantly feel that her partner is being dismissed.  And for that reason, because there's so much potential to hurt, you have to think about how you're going to be a unit on that question.  How you're going to come together and answer it in a way that really puts your family and its safety, and its happiness and its needs first.  Which means that if somebody's asking a question to you that is intrusive or insulting, you don't have to answer it, or you could try to do a bit of education, you could say,
    Now Playing
    Author & Blogger
    Who's the biological mom? I think for 2 women who are going to have a baby together, or for that matter 2 men, that question comes up all the time. So it's one that you really need to be prepared to answer. So it's something that partners need to sit down and discuss with each other. Over and over again, I think before you get pregnant or during the pregnancy, it's a little more obvious, but after the fact, I think that's a really hard question because you have 2 women who are both going to be mothers or are mothers to a child, and when you ask a question like that, it really makes biology important. It really says who's the one who's actually the mother. That's how it often feels. And it can be really, really hurtful to a non-biological parent, and it can be really hurtful to a biological parent too to sort of constantly feel that her partner is being dismissed. And for that reason, because there's so much potential to hurt, you have to think about how you're going to be a unit on that question. How you're going to come together and answer it in a way that really puts your family and its safety, and its happiness and its needs first. Which means that if somebody's asking a question to you that is intrusive or insulting, you don't have to answer it, or you could try to do a bit of education, you could say, "Well that's a really hard question for us because we're both really involved mothers. Why do you ask?" Or you might sense that people are just kind of curious and they want to get a better sense of your story and what your family is like, and just say, "I carried and that's how we work." But whatever it is that you answer, remember that you have a choice to answer it, and you really do have to think about this one in advance.

    Susan Goldberg, MA

    Author & Blogger

    Susan Goldberg is a writer, editor, essayist and blogger, and coeditor of the award-winning anthology And Baby Makes More: Known Donors, Queer Parents, and Our Unexpected Families. Her writing has been featured on the CBC and the Globe and Mail, in Ms., Lilith, and Stealing Time magazines, and several anthologies, including the forthcoming Chasing Rainbows: Exploring Gender-Fluid Parenting Practices. Susan is a contributing blogger at Today’sParent.com and VillageQ.com. In 2012, she was chosen as one of BlogHer’s Voices of the Year. She’s currently (always) working on a novel, called Step on a Crack, and on Overflow, a one-woman performance piece about lingerie and breast cancer. Susan lives in Thunder Bay, Ontario, with her partner and their two sons.

    More Parenting Videos from Susan Goldberg, MA >
  • Kim Bergman, PhD, Family Therapist  | Transcript:So what I say to clients and parents who want to know how to talk to their kids about this whole journey, and you're going to start out age-appropriate from the very beginning, before they can even talk, and start telling them about how they were created. 

But essentially this is the story: all of us on this planet came from four things – we all have the same four ingredients: an egg, a sperm, a womb and a home. And the parents are the only ingredient in there that's home – those are the parents. The other three, those can be the same people or entirely different people, and whether you're adopted or you came from an egg donor or sperm donor or surrogate, you're going to have that in common with everybody. And to explain to children – your children and to explain to parents to help them understand it – we're all the same, it just depends on who served in those different roles. And it's very important that children are clear who served in those roles and what those roles are.
    Now Playing
    Family Therapist
    So what I say to clients and parents who want to know how to talk to their kids about this whole journey, and you're going to start out age-appropriate from the very beginning, before they can even talk, and start telling them about how they were created. But essentially this is the story: all of us on this planet came from four things – we all have the same four ingredients: an egg, a sperm, a womb and a home. And the parents are the only ingredient in there that's home – those are the parents. The other three, those can be the same people or entirely different people, and whether you're adopted or you came from an egg donor or sperm donor or surrogate, you're going to have that in common with everybody. And to explain to children – your children and to explain to parents to help them understand it – we're all the same, it just depends on who served in those different roles. And it's very important that children are clear who served in those roles and what those roles are.

    Kim Bergman, PhD

    Family Therapist

    Kim Bergman, PhD, a licensed psychologist of 22 years, has specialized in the area of gay and lesbian parenting, parenting by choice and third party assisted reproduction for the last two decades. Dr. Bergman has created a comprehensive psychological screening, support and monitoring process for Intended Parents, Surrogates and Donors. She is the co-owner of Fertility Counseling Services and Growing Generations and is a member of the American Society of Reproductive Medicine, the American Fertility Association, the American Psychological Association, the Los Angeles County Psychological Association, the Lesbian and Gay Psychotherapy Association, and the Gay and Lesbian Medical Association. She is on the national board of the Family Equality Council. Dr. Bergman writes, teaches and speaks extensively on parenting by choice. Along with co-authors, she published "Gay Men Who Become Fathers via Surrogacy: The Transition to Parenthood" (Journal of GLBT Family Studies, April 2010). Dr. Bergman created her own family using third party assisted reproduction and she lives with her wife of 28 years and their two teenage daughters. 

    More Parenting Videos from Kim Bergman, PhD >
  • Diane Ehrensaft, PhD, Clinical Psychologist  | Transcript:If you're a parent and you see your child wanting to dress up in the clothes of the opposite gender, you may go right to the question,
    Now Playing
    Clinical Psychologist
    If you're a parent and you see your child wanting to dress up in the clothes of the opposite gender, you may go right to the question, "Is my child gay?" And my answer to that, as a professional is, “Maybe. We don't know yet.” Someday we'll find out, and that indeed many children who grow up to be gay spent time in their childhood cross-dressing or playing with toys that were "opposite gender toys" on their way to becoming gay. But many children who cross-dress and are interested in activities of the opposite gender when they're little, don't grow up to be gay. Some of them may grow up to be transgender and that's very different than being gay, straight, bisexual or whatever your sexual orientation is. So if we break it apart your sexual orientation has to do with who you want to walk down the isle with and your gender has to do more with who you want to walk down the isle as. And they are two very separate things. And we often make the mistake to think that gender non-conforming children are gay and they may be, they may not be, we don't know, but it's a completely separate track. They're expressing something about their gender – that's what we know when they're kids.

    Diane Ehrensaft, PhD

    Clinical Psychologist

    Diane Ehrensaft, PhD is a developmental and clinical psychologist in Oakland, California. She is a parenting expert and also specializes in gender studies and psychotherapy and consultation with gender nonconforming children and their families. She is the author of Gender Born, Gender Made:  Raising Healthy Gender-Nonconforming Children; Mommies Daddies, Donors, Surrogates, Building a Home Within (co-edited with Toni Heineman), Spoiling Childhood, and Parenting Together. Dr. Ehrensaft has made many media appearances, most recently the Anderson Cooper Day show, and has presented and published both nationally and internationally on the subjects of parenting, child development, assisted reproductive technology, and children’s gender development and gender nonconformity.

    Dr. Ehrensaft is the Director of Mental Health of the Child and Adolescent Gender Center, a University of California San Francisco-community partnership offering interdisciplinary services to gender conforming children and youth and their families, as well as the psychologist at the UCSF Gender Clinic.

    She serves on the faculty of The University of California and is a founding member of A Home Within, a national non-profit organization serving the mental health needs of children and youth in foster care.

    More Parenting Videos from Diane Ehrensaft, PhD >
  • Johanna Olson, MD, Medical Director, Center for Transyouth Health and Development, Children’s Hospital Los Angeles  | Transcript:One of the most difficult situations that arises for transgender youth is when they would like to move forward with the transition but their parents don't think they should or are really against it and don't understand what they are going through. This is one of the hardest things I face in my practice because now I have really two sets of patients. On is the young person and the parents become another set of patients that I have to rally around and find community members and therapists who would work with that family to help them understand how important this is for their young person. They really need to understand that you are born with your gender identity. It's a immutable characteristic in part of your core being and that your gender identity is not a choice. The choice piece of it is the choice you make about how to live authentically. The choice that you make is what you are going to express to the world around you. They are not making a choice about their internal gender, they are making a choice about what to do with that incongruence.
    Now Playing
    Medical Director, Center for Transyouth Health and Development, Children’s Hospital Los Angeles
    One of the most difficult situations that arises for transgender youth is when they would like to move forward with the transition but their parents don't think they should or are really against it and don't understand what they are going through. This is one of the hardest things I face in my practice because now I have really two sets of patients. On is the young person and the parents become another set of patients that I have to rally around and find community members and therapists who would work with that family to help them understand how important this is for their young person. They really need to understand that you are born with your gender identity. It's a immutable characteristic in part of your core being and that your gender identity is not a choice. The choice piece of it is the choice you make about how to live authentically. The choice that you make is what you are going to express to the world around you. They are not making a choice about their internal gender, they are making a choice about what to do with that incongruence.

    Johanna Olson, MD

    Medical Director, Center for Transyouth Health and Development, Children’s Hospital Los Angeles

    Johanna Olson, MD is a pediatrician in the Division of Adolescent Medicine at Children’s Hospital Los Angeles and Medical Director of the hospital’s Center for Transyouth Health and Development.  She specializes in the care of transgender youth, gender variant children, youth with HIV, and chronic pain. Board certified in Pediatrics and Adolescent Medicine, Dr. Olson is also an Assistant Professor of Pediatrics in the Keck School of Medicine of the University of Southern California. She has appeared on ABC's 20/20, The Dr. Phil Show, CNN, Dateline NBC and The Doctors to educate audiences about the needs of transgender youth.

    More Parenting Videos from Johanna Olson, MD >
  • Sheila Kamen, PsyD, Psychologist & Sex Therapist  | Transcript:It is very common for kids to have an attraction to and have feelings for kids of the same sex.  It doesn't necessarily mean that they fit into a specific sexual orientation, but it may.

The first thing I would do if your child comes to you and wants to talk about these feelings or experiences they have, is to be grateful.  So many kids struggle with these feelings on their own.  You have a strong enough relationship that they feel like they can talk to you.

The next step is to be open and non-judgmental and to ask them a lot of questions about what they are feeling and what these experiences may have been.  What those experiences mean to them and for them.

If you have a discussion in this way, your child will come to you many, many more times with these difficult topics.
    Now Playing
    Psychologist & Sex Therapist
    It is very common for kids to have an attraction to and have feelings for kids of the same sex. It doesn't necessarily mean that they fit into a specific sexual orientation, but it may. The first thing I would do if your child comes to you and wants to talk about these feelings or experiences they have, is to be grateful. So many kids struggle with these feelings on their own. You have a strong enough relationship that they feel like they can talk to you. The next step is to be open and non-judgmental and to ask them a lot of questions about what they are feeling and what these experiences may have been. What those experiences mean to them and for them. If you have a discussion in this way, your child will come to you many, many more times with these difficult topics.

    Sheila Kamen, PsyD

    Psychologist & Sex Therapist

    Sheila Kamen works with individuals and couples as a coach and therapist. She specializes in couple's therapy, sex therapy, and relationship coaching. She also offers premarital and family building counseling. While she no longer works with children, she does help parents with issues related to children.

    More Parenting Videos from Sheila Kamen, PsyD >
  • Kevin Jennings, Educational Specialist  | Transcript:Parents of questioning teens have a very difficult job because the natural tendency is to want your kid to turn out to be straight because you think your kid is going to have an easier life if they are straight than if they are LGBTQ.  

You need to fight that tendency with every fiber in your being.  Make it clear that there is no right or wrong answer to the question of who they are.  The answer is that you are going to accept and love them.

This comes from a good place, this tendency to want your kid to turn out to be straight because we live in a time and a place where being LGBT can put you at risk for things like violence, bullying, and harassment.  But if a kid feels like you have the right answer, they are not going to talk about the question with you.
    Now Playing
    Educational Specialist
    Parents of questioning teens have a very difficult job because the natural tendency is to want your kid to turn out to be straight because you think your kid is going to have an easier life if they are straight than if they are LGBTQ. You need to fight that tendency with every fiber in your being. Make it clear that there is no right or wrong answer to the question of who they are. The answer is that you are going to accept and love them. This comes from a good place, this tendency to want your kid to turn out to be straight because we live in a time and a place where being LGBT can put you at risk for things like violence, bullying, and harassment. But if a kid feels like you have the right answer, they are not going to talk about the question with you.

    Kevin Jennings

    Educational Specialist

    Kevin Jennings is the Executive Director of the Arcus Foundation, a leading global foundation advancing pressing social justice and conservation issues. Specifically, Arcus works to advance LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender) equality, as well as to conserve and protect the great apes.

    Kevin has a long and distinguished career as an educator, a social justice activist, a teacher, and an author. From 2011-2012 Kevin was CEO of Be the Change, a nonprofit that creates national issue-based campaigns on pressing problems in American society. While there he helped launch Opportunity Nation, a campaign designed to increase opportunity and economic mobility in America.

    From 2009-2011 Kevin served as Assistant Deputy Secretary of Education, heading the department’s Office of Safe and Drug-Free Schools (OSDFS). In this role, Mr. Jennings led federal efforts to promote the safety, health and well being of America’s students. Kevin led the Obama Administration’s anti-bullying initiative, which culminated in March 2011 with the White House Conference on Bullying Prevention keynoted by President Obama.

    Kevin began his career as a high school history teacher and coach, first at Moses Brown School in Providence, R.I., from 1985 to 1987, and then at Concord Academy in Concord, Mass., from 1987 to 1995. At Concord, he served as the faculty advisor to the nation’s first Gay-Straight Alliance (GSA) leading him in 1990 found GLSEN, a national education organization bringing together lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender (LGBT) and straight teachers, parents, students, and community members who wanted to end anti-LGBT bias in our schools. Jennings left teaching in 1995 to build the all-volunteer GLSEN organization into a national force, serving as its founding Executive Director until 2008. Under his leadership, GLSEN programs such as Gay-Straight Alliance, the Day of Silence and No Name-Calling Week became commonplace in America’s schools. GLSEN’s advocacy was key in passing comprehensive safe schools laws in eleven states, increasing the number of students protected from anti-LGBT discrimination from less than 900,000 in 1993 (less than 2% of the national student body) to 14.3 million by 2008 (nearly 30%).

    Kevin became the first member of his family to graduate from college when he received his B.A. magna cum laude in history from Harvard University in 1985. He is the founder of First Generation Harvard Alumni, an alumnae/i organization of Harvard graduates who were the first in their families to graduate from college who offer mentoring to current undergraduates who are the first in their families to attend college. He also holds an MA in education from Columbia University’s Teachers College, from which he received the Distinguished Alumni Award in 2012, and an MBA from NYU’s Stern School of Business. He has received the “Friend of Children” Award from the National Association of School Psychologists, the Human and Civil Rights Award of the National Education Association, the Distinguished Service Award of the National Association of Secondary School Principals, and the Diversity Leadership Award of the National Association of Independent Schools. He is a Board Member of the Harvard Alumni AssociationUnion Theological Seminary, and the You Can Play Project, a groundbreaking effort to combat homophobia and transphobia in sports. He is also Board Chair for the Tectonic Theater Project, which created The Laramie Project. Kevin is a founding member of the New York City Gay Hockey Association, and plays left wing on The Boxers.

    Mr. Jennings has authored six books, with his latest, Mama’s Boy, Preacher’s Son: A Memoir, being named a Book of Honor by the American Library Association in 2006. He also helped write and produce the documentary Out of the Past, which won the 1998 Sundance Film Festival Audience Award for Best Documentary.

    Mr. Jennings and his partner, Jeff Davis, a senior executive at Barclay’s, are celebrating 20 years together in 2014. They are the proud “parents” of a Bernese mountain dog, Ben, and also have a “granddog” in Ben’s son, Jackson.

    More Parenting Videos from Kevin Jennings >
  • Chris Rice, Same Sex Parent  | Transcript:When I told my mother I was thinking about adopting children, I think she was somewhat surprised. That surprised me because my mother never had a problem with the fact that I was gay; it was a non-issue. But when I mentioned it to her, she said,
    Now Playing
    Same Sex Parent
    When I told my mother I was thinking about adopting children, I think she was somewhat surprised. That surprised me because my mother never had a problem with the fact that I was gay; it was a non-issue. But when I mentioned it to her, she said, "Why do you want children?" And I think the answer to that is why does anyone want children. And the fact that I'm a gay man and I'm not in what society calls a traditional relationship, has no bearing whatsoever on my goals in life or how I feel about myself or what I want to contribute to the world. And I've always wanted children and I've always wanted to raise a family and watch my children grow up and make an impact on their lives. And so there are certain innate feelings about family that you have no matter what your marital status or sexual orientation is. And so my family unit is no different than anyone's family unit. My goals for myself and my children are no different than anyone's goals for themselves or their children.

    Chris Rice

    Same Sex Parent

    Chris Rice has two young children, ages two and three. He and his husband Joseph adopted their son and daughter - who are biological siblings - from the foster system. Chris works in real estate investment. Before becoming a dad, he enjoyed world travel. Now, the idea of dragging toddlers around the world makes him prefer reading about travel from the comfort of his own home. 

    More Parenting Videos from Chris Rice >
  • Naomi Hannah, CNM, Certified Nurse Midwife  | Transcript:When children have two mothers, they are going to be faced with a lot of questions from their peers or from adults who are curious or confused about what this means.

It's important that you give your kids some information when this happens.  For example, my kids' friends asks them,
    Now Playing
    Certified Nurse Midwife
    When children have two mothers, they are going to be faced with a lot of questions from their peers or from adults who are curious or confused about what this means. It's important that you give your kids some information when this happens. For example, my kids' friends asks them, "Which one is the real mother?" So they come home and say, "What do I say? They ask me which one is my real mom?" Now, they can say, they are both real. One gave birth to me, the other adopted me. They can say, "How many mothers do you have?" That kind of makes the other kid think, "Oh, is it weird to just have one mom?" That turns it around a little bit and they can choose to say, "That's my business," if they don't feel like they want to explain themselves to this person. They can choose to say, "Families are all different, and love it what makes a family." They have learned all the different things that they are comfortable with through trial and error and through our conversations. They were gifted with wonderful books that helped instill this in them from a very young age.

    Naomi Hannah, CNM

    Certified Nurse Midwife

    Naomi Hannah is a midwife who has worked in several birth settings: she has been a Doula, a Certified Professional Midwife, a labor and delivery nurse, and is now a Certified Nurse Midwife. Naomi has approached the many facets of birthing from various angles; a birth center, a home birth practice, and currently a hospital-based practice. She lives in Taos, New Mexico, with her partner of 13 years and their two children, Eden who is 10 and Ezra, seven, both born with the help of known donors. Her personal experience and professional skills have made it possible to help other women conceive at home with alternative insemination.  She is also a singer-songwriter who has taught preschool music classes. She enjoys sharing music with her children and watching their musical language unfold. 

    More Parenting Videos from Naomi Hannah, CNM >
  • Connor Barnas, Mom  | Transcript:You know, my son has beautiful, long eyelashes and big, curly hair and forever, people have said, “Oh, what a beautiful, little girl.” And I’ve always said, “Oh, he’s a boy.” Recently, he asked me – after he told me that he wanted his hair to grow out, so that he would be seen as a girl – he asked me to please not correct people when they said, “Oh, what a beautiful daughter you have.” Or, “Isn’t she pretty?” 

And the first time it happened we were in a hospital and a nurse poked her head in and saw my two children and said, “Oh, what beautiful girls you have.” My son shot me a look to check in with me, I looked at the nurse and I just said, “Thank you very much.” And in that moment, that’s connection. That’s when my son looks at me and I support his choice. That’s when he knows he can trust me.
    Now Playing
    Mom
    You know, my son has beautiful, long eyelashes and big, curly hair and forever, people have said, “Oh, what a beautiful, little girl.” And I’ve always said, “Oh, he’s a boy.” Recently, he asked me – after he told me that he wanted his hair to grow out, so that he would be seen as a girl – he asked me to please not correct people when they said, “Oh, what a beautiful daughter you have.” Or, “Isn’t she pretty?” And the first time it happened we were in a hospital and a nurse poked her head in and saw my two children and said, “Oh, what beautiful girls you have.” My son shot me a look to check in with me, I looked at the nurse and I just said, “Thank you very much.” And in that moment, that’s connection. That’s when my son looks at me and I support his choice. That’s when he knows he can trust me.

    Connor Barnas

    Mom

    Connor Barnas is blessed and busy, living life with her husband Ethan and two children, Magdalena June, eight, and Augustus Wolfe, six in the midst of finding the sacred in the mundane and allowing space for serenity. After being given the gift of desperation, Connor began her life of recovery and discovery within the 12 Step paradigms in 1995. In 2002 she graduated from the University of New Mexico with a bachelor’s degree in Fine Art and married the love of her life, Ethan; moved to a beautiful, dusty, desert town; and began her journey as a wife and mother.  

    In 2003, Connor co-founded an Attachment Parenting group, and became a leader shortly after.  Connor has been involved in the Attachment Parenting community as a leader and a resource, and was honored as a featured volunteer during Volunteer Recognition Week, April 2011 by Attachment Parenting International. 

    After relocating and settling in Jacksonville, Florida, to be close to her family of origin, Connor founded HAP East, a local homeschooling group whose focus and mission is to create community and continuity of relationship for homeschooling/attachment parenting families. 

    Connor joyfully shares her experience, strength and hope with families and friends in the recovery, homeschool, and AP communities; she combines the spiritual principles of the 12 steps with the practical and compassionate parenting strategies of API to inform her path and growth as a woman, mother, wife, and active member of her world. 

    More Parenting Videos from Connor Barnas >
  • Dorothy Espelage, Professor of Child Development  | Transcript:When we think about the association between bullying, homophobic teasing, and sexual harassment in middle school, and in middle school sexual harassment we're actually talking about verbal comments related to one's sexual identity and one's gender expression. What we find in middle school is that generic types of teasing, of bullying someone of physical characteristics then leads to homophobic teasing, and that's the use of homophobic language that's directed towards kids that either assumed to be gay, presumed to be gay, or generally are expressing behaviors that are not consistent with their gender. So is a girl not being feminine enough, is a boy not being masculine enough? And because we're not really addressing sexual harassment prevention in out schools, what happens is is that kids that are being targeted by the homophobic banter then publicly display their heterosexuality and then react to the assumption that they're gay by publicly sexually harassing someone else. So we see that general kinds of bullying leads to this homophobic bantering, and then the ways in which you respond to a climate is to then publicly harass sexually.
    Now Playing
    Professor of Child Development
    When we think about the association between bullying, homophobic teasing, and sexual harassment in middle school, and in middle school sexual harassment we're actually talking about verbal comments related to one's sexual identity and one's gender expression. What we find in middle school is that generic types of teasing, of bullying someone of physical characteristics then leads to homophobic teasing, and that's the use of homophobic language that's directed towards kids that either assumed to be gay, presumed to be gay, or generally are expressing behaviors that are not consistent with their gender. So is a girl not being feminine enough, is a boy not being masculine enough? And because we're not really addressing sexual harassment prevention in out schools, what happens is is that kids that are being targeted by the homophobic banter then publicly display their heterosexuality and then react to the assumption that they're gay by publicly sexually harassing someone else. So we see that general kinds of bullying leads to this homophobic bantering, and then the ways in which you respond to a climate is to then publicly harass sexually.

    Dorothy Espelage

    Professor of Child Development

    Dorothy L. Espelage, PhD, is a Professor of Child Development in the Department of Educational Psychology at the University of Illinois, Urbana-Champaign.  She is a University Scholar and has fellow status in Division 17 (Counseling Psychology) of the American Psychological Association.  She earned her Ph.D. in Counseling Psychology from Indiana University in 1997. She has conducted research on bullying, homophobic teasing, sexual harassment, and dating violence for the last 18 years. As a result, she presents regularly at regional, national, and international conferences and is author on over 90 professional publications.  She is co-editor of four published books including Bullying in North American Schools: A Social-Ecological Perspective on Prevention and Intervention and International Handbook of Bullying published by Routledge. She is Associate Editor of the Journal of Counseling Psychology. She has presented thousands of workshops and in-service training seminars for teachers, administrators, counselors, and social workers across the U.S.  Her research focuses on translating empirical findings into prevention and intervention programming.  She is currently funded by the CDC for a randomized clinical trial of a bullying prevention program in 36 middle schools. She authored a 2011 White House Brief on bullying among LGBTQ youth and attended the White House Conference in 2011. She is also funded by National Science Foundation to develop better methods to assess bullying among adolescents and CDC and NIJ are funding a longitudinal study of predictors of bullying and dating violence among adolescents. Dr. Espelage has appeared on many television news and talk shows, including The Today Show; CNN; CBS Evening News; The Oprah Winfrey Show, Anderson, Anderson 360 and has been quoted in the national print press, including Time Magazine, USA Today, People, Boston Globe, and the Wall Street Journal. Her dedicated team of undergraduate and graduate students are committed to the dissemination of the research through various mechanisms.

    More Parenting Videos from Dorothy Espelage >
  • Amy Lang, MA, Sex Education Expert  | Transcript:When you’re talking to your child about homosexuality, it’s really important to remember that you can’t tell by looking whether or not your child is gay. So be calm and just explain, there’s all different kinds of relationships that people have – and you can use your own relationship as an example – so for example, you can say, you know, how daddy and I met and fell in love and we have a family together. And I’m a woman and daddy is a man. Well, sometimes men meet and fall in love with other men and sometimes women meet and fall in love with other women. That’s called being gay, if you’re a man, or being a lesbian, if you’re a woman. And then talk about your values and beliefs about homosexuality with your child.
    Now Playing
    Sex Education Expert
    When you’re talking to your child about homosexuality, it’s really important to remember that you can’t tell by looking whether or not your child is gay. So be calm and just explain, there’s all different kinds of relationships that people have – and you can use your own relationship as an example – so for example, you can say, you know, how daddy and I met and fell in love and we have a family together. And I’m a woman and daddy is a man. Well, sometimes men meet and fall in love with other men and sometimes women meet and fall in love with other women. That’s called being gay, if you’re a man, or being a lesbian, if you’re a woman. And then talk about your values and beliefs about homosexuality with your child.

    Amy Lang, MA

    Sex Education Expert

    Despite her 16 years of experience as a sexual health educator, Amy Lang found herself completely tongue-tied when her four year old son had "something very important" to tell her about his penis. Shocked by her discomfort, she realized if she was struggling, other parents must be too. Amy also holds an MA in Applied Behavioral Science and her focus was in adult education and group facilitation. She decided to combine her love of sex talking and her love of working with adults and started Birds + Bees + Kids in 2006.

    Amy is a three time Mom’s Choice Award winner for her book, Birds + Bees + YOUR Kids - A Guide To Sharing Your Beliefs About Sexuality, Love and Relationships and DVD, Birds + Bees + Kids - The Basics. She is also the author of the book, Say What?! The Birds + Bees for Progressive Parents - What to Say and How to Say It!

    She has been featured in the Wall Street Journal, Seattle Magazine, Parent Map magazine and has contributed to a gazillion other publications. Sex advice guru Dan Savage says “Amy is a parent’s best friend-with-benefits when it comes to talking to kids about sex.” 

    Though Birds + Bees + Kids, Amy helps parents of all beliefs have easy, open and effective conversations about sexuality, love and relationships with their kids. She offers talks, workshops, one-on-one consultations and live webcasts. Amy is also the co-founder of MamaCON - Inspiration and Tools for Modern Moms, a conference supporting the hard work of moms everywhere.

    More Parenting Videos from Amy Lang, MA >
  • Diane Ehrensaft, PhD, Clinical Psychologist  | Transcript:What happens if we tell our youth,
    Now Playing
    Clinical Psychologist
    What happens if we tell our youth, "No, you can't have cross-sex hormones?" You have to go through the puberty of an unwanted gender, which could have been avoided if you had cross-sex hormones, you could have had puberty blockers, which would stop the puberty from going forward until you could take the cross-sex hormones, more like the gender body that you want to have. The harm done is that it can create trauma in living in a body that is so alien to you and spoils any of your chances of moving gracefully in the world in your affirmed gender, increases the chances that you will always feel like a freak. For example, a girl's Adam's apple. Girls are not supposed to have, which could have been avoided if you had first done puberty blockers, and then added the hormones of the gender you identified as being. This is the kind of harm. I would ask any of you to imagine this, suppose you grew up and one morning and you saw you were growing an elephant nose. You were horrified. What am I doing with an elephant nose? I want a people nose. That's how a lot of Transgender youth feel about their puberty. When Transgender boys start to grow breasts, when Transgender girls start to grow whiskers; this as if they had an elephant nose on their face. Some kids are so horrified that they try to kill themselves. We would never want that for a child or teen. So if we can avoid that by offering them services to match their bodies to their minds and identities, that will be a harm reduction.

    Diane Ehrensaft, PhD

    Clinical Psychologist

    Diane Ehrensaft, PhD is a developmental and clinical psychologist in Oakland, California. She is a parenting expert and also specializes in gender studies and psychotherapy and consultation with gender nonconforming children and their families. She is the author of Gender Born, Gender Made:  Raising Healthy Gender-Nonconforming Children; Mommies Daddies, Donors, Surrogates, Building a Home Within (co-edited with Toni Heineman), Spoiling Childhood, and Parenting Together. Dr. Ehrensaft has made many media appearances, most recently the Anderson Cooper Day show, and has presented and published both nationally and internationally on the subjects of parenting, child development, assisted reproductive technology, and children’s gender development and gender nonconformity.

    Dr. Ehrensaft is the Director of Mental Health of the Child and Adolescent Gender Center, a University of California San Francisco-community partnership offering interdisciplinary services to gender conforming children and youth and their families, as well as the psychologist at the UCSF Gender Clinic.

    She serves on the faculty of The University of California and is a founding member of A Home Within, a national non-profit organization serving the mental health needs of children and youth in foster care.

    More Parenting Videos from Diane Ehrensaft, PhD >
  • Chris Fulton, PhD, Clinical Psychologist  | Transcript:To help your gay teen accept himself, you need to overcome a lot of social pressures, and society´s kind of homophobia because there is still in society a lot of persecution of gays and lesbians even though, which I think is great, there are a lot of programs that are showing kind of positive role models for gay teens.  But you do two things.  One is you have to make sure that you love your kid, that they are acceptable to you and that they can feel good about themselves.  And the other thing, you get the support.  I often run a group that has lesbians and gay teen boys and you know what?  They love to able to share iwth each other their experiences, and then they can feel good about themselves.  Making sure to find role models too, that is an important thing that they can say hey listen, I respect that person and that is a gay man and I can feel good about myself being a gay male.  So that is important, too.
    Now Playing
    Clinical Psychologist
    To help your gay teen accept himself, you need to overcome a lot of social pressures, and society´s kind of homophobia because there is still in society a lot of persecution of gays and lesbians even though, which I think is great, there are a lot of programs that are showing kind of positive role models for gay teens. But you do two things. One is you have to make sure that you love your kid, that they are acceptable to you and that they can feel good about themselves. And the other thing, you get the support. I often run a group that has lesbians and gay teen boys and you know what? They love to able to share iwth each other their experiences, and then they can feel good about themselves. Making sure to find role models too, that is an important thing that they can say hey listen, I respect that person and that is a gay man and I can feel good about myself being a gay male. So that is important, too.

    Chris Fulton, PhD

    Clinical Psychologist

    Dr. Christopher Fulton is a licensed clinical psychologist and has been in private practice for over ten years. He received his doctorate in 1994 from the California School of Professional Psychology, Los Angeles. Dr. Fulton has clinical training and experience in a variety of settings, and also has administrative, teaching, supervision, consulting, research and psychological testing experience. Dr. Fulton provides consultation and ongoing therapy for children, adolescents and adults. He conducts group, individual, couples and family therapy and actively works with a variety of childhood disorders, including: adjustment disorder, ADHD, anxiety, depression, oppositional defiant and other emotional-behavioral disorders. Among his most frequent areas of concentration is divorce, for which Dr. Fulton offers therapy for all involved.

    Utilizing research-supported methods in treatment, Dr. Fulton's approach to therapy involves a combination of cognitive-behavioral, family systems and interpersonal interventions. In his work with children, Dr. Fulton involves parents and assists them in developing appropriate responses to their children, since he believes that ultimately the parent will make the most significant impact on the child. Dr. Fulton helps parents establish appropriate boundaries, communication and methods of discipline in order to increase positive relationships with their children.

    More Parenting Videos from Chris Fulton, PhD >
  • Bill Horn, Adoptive Dad  | Transcript:A lot of people ask us how our family is different because it is two men and not a man and a woman.

We really don't see that many differences.  We have a lot of straight friends who have kids, and they are very similar to us.  The split responsibilities.  They do the laundry.  They take turns changing the diapers.  Modern heterosexual parents, that's very much who we are; 50/50.  We both take care of our daughter and we are both invested in her future.

It is only when we leave the house that people identify us as being different, do we even think about being a same-sex couple.
    Now Playing
    Adoptive Dad
    A lot of people ask us how our family is different because it is two men and not a man and a woman. We really don't see that many differences. We have a lot of straight friends who have kids, and they are very similar to us. The split responsibilities. They do the laundry. They take turns changing the diapers. Modern heterosexual parents, that's very much who we are; 50/50. We both take care of our daughter and we are both invested in her future. It is only when we leave the house that people identify us as being different, do we even think about being a same-sex couple.

    Bill Horn

    Adoptive Dad

    Bill Horn and longtime partner, Scout Masterson (aka "The Guncles") appear on the hit reality television show "Tori & Dean: Home Sweet Hollywood". During the previous seasons of the show, viewers experienced “The Guncles” commitment ceremony planned by Tori Spelling and the beginning of their journey towards parenthood through the open adoption process. Show fans quickly became excited in sharing this journey with Bill and Scout, and they maintain a large, mixed male and female fan base of all ages. Bill and Scout have welcomed a beautiful newborn daughter into their lives, Simone Lynn Masterson-Horn. Bill and Scout are currently filming Season 6, "The Guncles" are excited to share their journey into parenthood with their fans.

    More Parenting Videos from Bill Horn >
  • Johanna Olson, MD, Medical Director, Center for Transyouth Health and Development, Children’s Hospital Los Angeles  | Transcript:In childhood children who were gender non-conforming can face a lot of different  issues and some of those depend on where they are in the country. So different states even different counties within a state children will experience different from outside of them and I think it's important to understand that for a young person the might no know what's going on inside of themselves. A child doesn't really come out. A child just is who they are. And so a child choosing their natural proclivities for gender non-conforming behavior is the same as a child who chooses gender typical behaviors. So what all of the discomfort and anxiety really comes form the outside of that child. And they are going to experience different challenges from may be their family, from their school, from their church or some other religious affiliation. And all of those things can present a whole scale of problems for those kids. So little kids who are under 5 actually are somewhat protected if they have supportive families. For a child who says let's take an example a boy body child who really wants to do girl things. If their parents  are okay with that and they don't see a problem with it and they let that kid wear dresses and may be paint their nails, and play with Barbies or dolls toys that child is going to experience a lot of happiness and be able to express who they are authentically. However, a child same situation a male body kid wants to do all of those things and the parent is very confused, very anxious, may be very angry very hurt, very  confused - they are going to say No, you cannot do that. You are a boy, you have boy parts therefor you need to do these boy's things. And they don't let that child express themselves authentically, that child is going to star having problems inside of themselves and let me tell you why. Children who get the message over and over again from childhood that who they are is not okay, they end up building neural connection around that  message. They internalize that message and they start self-loathing and that self-loathing process is going to put them in high risk down when they become older. But in childhood parents are going to experience a very anxious child who  is probably socially isolated, who probably has behavioral problems. And what commonly happens these children get misdiagnosed. They get misdiagnosed with anxiety, depression, ADHD, opositional  defiance disorder and many timers they are put on the  psychiatric medication to treat these symptoms. Sometimes they don't even know it's a gender issue and so they end up on a lot of medications they don't need to be on and these diagnosis that are not appropriate for them and sometimes no one has asked them the question Is this gender related?
    Now Playing
    Medical Director, Center for Transyouth Health and Development, Children’s Hospital Los Angeles
    In childhood children who were gender non-conforming can face a lot of different issues and some of those depend on where they are in the country. So different states even different counties within a state children will experience different from outside of them and I think it's important to understand that for a young person the might no know what's going on inside of themselves. A child doesn't really come out. A child just is who they are. And so a child choosing their natural proclivities for gender non-conforming behavior is the same as a child who chooses gender typical behaviors. So what all of the discomfort and anxiety really comes form the outside of that child. And they are going to experience different challenges from may be their family, from their school, from their church or some other religious affiliation. And all of those things can present a whole scale of problems for those kids. So little kids who are under 5 actually are somewhat protected if they have supportive families. For a child who says let's take an example a boy body child who really wants to do girl things. If their parents are okay with that and they don't see a problem with it and they let that kid wear dresses and may be paint their nails, and play with Barbies or dolls toys that child is going to experience a lot of happiness and be able to express who they are authentically. However, a child same situation a male body kid wants to do all of those things and the parent is very confused, very anxious, may be very angry very hurt, very confused - they are going to say No, you cannot do that. You are a boy, you have boy parts therefor you need to do these boy's things. And they don't let that child express themselves authentically, that child is going to star having problems inside of themselves and let me tell you why. Children who get the message over and over again from childhood that who they are is not okay, they end up building neural connection around that message. They internalize that message and they start self-loathing and that self-loathing process is going to put them in high risk down when they become older. But in childhood parents are going to experience a very anxious child who is probably socially isolated, who probably has behavioral problems. And what commonly happens these children get misdiagnosed. They get misdiagnosed with anxiety, depression, ADHD, opositional defiance disorder and many timers they are put on the psychiatric medication to treat these symptoms. Sometimes they don't even know it's a gender issue and so they end up on a lot of medications they don't need to be on and these diagnosis that are not appropriate for them and sometimes no one has asked them the question Is this gender related?

    Johanna Olson, MD

    Medical Director, Center for Transyouth Health and Development, Children’s Hospital Los Angeles

    Johanna Olson, MD is a pediatrician in the Division of Adolescent Medicine at Children’s Hospital Los Angeles and Medical Director of the hospital’s Center for Transyouth Health and Development.  She specializes in the care of transgender youth, gender variant children, youth with HIV, and chronic pain. Board certified in Pediatrics and Adolescent Medicine, Dr. Olson is also an Assistant Professor of Pediatrics in the Keck School of Medicine of the University of Southern California. She has appeared on ABC's 20/20, The Dr. Phil Show, CNN, Dateline NBC and The Doctors to educate audiences about the needs of transgender youth.

    More Parenting Videos from Johanna Olson, MD >
  • Diane Ehrensaft, PhD, Clinical Psychologist  | Transcript:We often talk about a gender spectrum or a spectrum of genders.  And what is very important for all of us to know is that gender comes in many shapes and sizes.  And, I am going to give you just a simple laundry list.  It is not exhaustive.  There is the transgender child.  That is the child who says I am not the gender that is on my birth certificate.  I am the opposite gender.  There is the gender fluid child and that is the child who plays along the dimensions of gender from male to female as we as a culture define that and is perfectly happy with the gender on their birth certificate but not with expressing it in binary boxes.  Then, there are the kids that I call gender hybrids.  They will tell me you know what, I am half boy, I am half girl.  Now these are children who may be on their way to being transgender but for the time being they see themselves as somewhat of a hybrid.  Then, there are older youth call themselves gender queer.  And they say to us why are you hung up with any of these categories.  Why do I have to define gender at all?  I am just all genders.  Another way of thinking about that is I am a gender smoothie.  Take everything about gender, put in the blender, press it, mix it up.  That is me. There are also what I call proto gay children.   These are children who explore gender non-conformity on their way to being gay.  There are also proto transgender children and those are actually proto transgender youth usually.  And they explore being first and say you know what, that is not me.  I am actually transgender.  And the last category is what I call gender oreos.  And those are children who present one gender on the outside and they are a different gender on the inside.  And those are often children who are too afraid to let their real gender come out so they put up a false front.  But underneath, they know their gender to be other than what people think it is.
    Now Playing
    Clinical Psychologist
    We often talk about a gender spectrum or a spectrum of genders. And what is very important for all of us to know is that gender comes in many shapes and sizes. And, I am going to give you just a simple laundry list. It is not exhaustive. There is the transgender child. That is the child who says I am not the gender that is on my birth certificate. I am the opposite gender. There is the gender fluid child and that is the child who plays along the dimensions of gender from male to female as we as a culture define that and is perfectly happy with the gender on their birth certificate but not with expressing it in binary boxes. Then, there are the kids that I call gender hybrids. They will tell me you know what, I am half boy, I am half girl. Now these are children who may be on their way to being transgender but for the time being they see themselves as somewhat of a hybrid. Then, there are older youth call themselves gender queer. And they say to us why are you hung up with any of these categories. Why do I have to define gender at all? I am just all genders. Another way of thinking about that is I am a gender smoothie. Take everything about gender, put in the blender, press it, mix it up. That is me. There are also what I call proto gay children. These are children who explore gender non-conformity on their way to being gay. There are also proto transgender children and those are actually proto transgender youth usually. And they explore being first and say you know what, that is not me. I am actually transgender. And the last category is what I call gender oreos. And those are children who present one gender on the outside and they are a different gender on the inside. And those are often children who are too afraid to let their real gender come out so they put up a false front. But underneath, they know their gender to be other than what people think it is.

    Diane Ehrensaft, PhD

    Clinical Psychologist

    Diane Ehrensaft, PhD is a developmental and clinical psychologist in Oakland, California. She is a parenting expert and also specializes in gender studies and psychotherapy and consultation with gender nonconforming children and their families. She is the author of Gender Born, Gender Made:  Raising Healthy Gender-Nonconforming Children; Mommies Daddies, Donors, Surrogates, Building a Home Within (co-edited with Toni Heineman), Spoiling Childhood, and Parenting Together. Dr. Ehrensaft has made many media appearances, most recently the Anderson Cooper Day show, and has presented and published both nationally and internationally on the subjects of parenting, child development, assisted reproductive technology, and children’s gender development and gender nonconformity.

    Dr. Ehrensaft is the Director of Mental Health of the Child and Adolescent Gender Center, a University of California San Francisco-community partnership offering interdisciplinary services to gender conforming children and youth and their families, as well as the psychologist at the UCSF Gender Clinic.

    She serves on the faculty of The University of California and is a founding member of A Home Within, a national non-profit organization serving the mental health needs of children and youth in foster care.

    More Parenting Videos from Diane Ehrensaft, PhD >
  • Naomi Hannah, CNM, Certified Nurse Midwife  | Transcript:When you’re a family with two moms, you often get a lot of questions about your children’s need for a father figure or for male role models in their life. And it’s interesting, because there is a big study done that showed that children that were born into a household of two moms are actually more well adjusted as adults than kids who have even a mother and a father in a traditional family setting. So we know that an environment with two moms creates a healthy, nurturing environment for children. 

But, of course, it’s good for kids to have positive role models of both genders and so what we’ve done is we’ve made sure that our kids each have two godfathers and have close relationships with their grandfathers. 

And that any friends that are in our life who are men are invited to participate in certain things. So, for example, when our son exhibited a desire to learn to use power tools, we made sure there was somebody there to help him do a project. And when our son was learning how to pee standing up, we made sure there was someone who was comfortable taking him to the bathroom to show him how to pee standing up and not hit the wall.
    Now Playing
    Certified Nurse Midwife
    When you’re a family with two moms, you often get a lot of questions about your children’s need for a father figure or for male role models in their life. And it’s interesting, because there is a big study done that showed that children that were born into a household of two moms are actually more well adjusted as adults than kids who have even a mother and a father in a traditional family setting. So we know that an environment with two moms creates a healthy, nurturing environment for children. But, of course, it’s good for kids to have positive role models of both genders and so what we’ve done is we’ve made sure that our kids each have two godfathers and have close relationships with their grandfathers. And that any friends that are in our life who are men are invited to participate in certain things. So, for example, when our son exhibited a desire to learn to use power tools, we made sure there was somebody there to help him do a project. And when our son was learning how to pee standing up, we made sure there was someone who was comfortable taking him to the bathroom to show him how to pee standing up and not hit the wall.

    Naomi Hannah, CNM

    Certified Nurse Midwife

    Naomi Hannah is a midwife who has worked in several birth settings: she has been a Doula, a Certified Professional Midwife, a labor and delivery nurse, and is now a Certified Nurse Midwife. Naomi has approached the many facets of birthing from various angles; a birth center, a home birth practice, and currently a hospital-based practice. She lives in Taos, New Mexico, with her partner of 13 years and their two children, Eden who is 10 and Ezra, seven, both born with the help of known donors. Her personal experience and professional skills have made it possible to help other women conceive at home with alternative insemination.  She is also a singer-songwriter who has taught preschool music classes. She enjoys sharing music with her children and watching their musical language unfold. 

    More Parenting Videos from Naomi Hannah, CNM >
  • Kim Bergman, PhD, Family Therapist  | Transcript:Gay men and lesbians face a unique set of challenges when they become parents, all of which are around how other people treat them, none of which are intrinsic to them being parents.

We live in a heterosexist world and people don't expect two men or two women, or one man or one woman, to have a child.  There are a lot of challenges that we face that are foisted on us.  Dealing with people's homophobia, or ignorance, or stupid things they say. 

For example, in my family when my second child was born, my mother-in-law said,
    Now Playing
    Family Therapist
    Gay men and lesbians face a unique set of challenges when they become parents, all of which are around how other people treat them, none of which are intrinsic to them being parents. We live in a heterosexist world and people don't expect two men or two women, or one man or one woman, to have a child. There are a lot of challenges that we face that are foisted on us. Dealing with people's homophobia, or ignorance, or stupid things they say. For example, in my family when my second child was born, my mother-in-law said, "Now you each have one." A really stupid comment, and she treated the two kids differently. We said to her, "You either have two grandchildren or you have none." She chose two, but if she had chosen none, we would have followed through with that. Dealing with family, ignorance, and society, those are the unique challenges. There are a lot of resources for gay and lesbian parents, but all of them have to do with how we are treated by other people and by society.

    Kim Bergman, PhD

    Family Therapist

    Kim Bergman, PhD, a licensed psychologist of 22 years, has specialized in the area of gay and lesbian parenting, parenting by choice and third party assisted reproduction for the last two decades. Dr. Bergman has created a comprehensive psychological screening, support and monitoring process for Intended Parents, Surrogates and Donors. She is the co-owner of Fertility Counseling Services and Growing Generations and is a member of the American Society of Reproductive Medicine, the American Fertility Association, the American Psychological Association, the Los Angeles County Psychological Association, the Lesbian and Gay Psychotherapy Association, and the Gay and Lesbian Medical Association. She is on the national board of the Family Equality Council. Dr. Bergman writes, teaches and speaks extensively on parenting by choice. Along with co-authors, she published "Gay Men Who Become Fathers via Surrogacy: The Transition to Parenthood" (Journal of GLBT Family Studies, April 2010). Dr. Bergman created her own family using third party assisted reproduction and she lives with her wife of 28 years and their two teenage daughters. 

    More Parenting Videos from Kim Bergman, PhD >