When parents make mistakes

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When parents make mistakes

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One of my tips for people who feel like they have made a mistake or messed up as parents -- This is a completely normal feeling to have, to feel like you've messed up or made a mistake. None of us are perfect. First of all, remind yourself of that. I really recommend getting rid of that "mother's guilt," if you can, or work on that. That "mother's guilt," while it's normal, it doesn't help you to be the mom or the dad that you want to be. It makes it harder. You feel bad and those thoughts will affect your mood. Those thoughts affect your parenting skills. First of all, work on those thoughts, address those thoughts. Try to re-direct your thoughts and try and learn from those mistakes. This is a great opportunity, not just for you to learn from your mistakes, but also for you to teach your kids that it's okay to mess up. It's okay to learn from that and move from that problem-solving mode, and try to figure out; what can I do next? The simple example of spilling something, I know that's not a big mistake, but if we get all worked up when our kids spill something or we spill something, it doesn't really help us to solve the problem. We can do it calmly, and show our kids, "Oh, I made a mistake. I spilled something. I'm going to go and see what I can do to clean this up." Now, that's just a little thing, it's not a big thing. Try to relate that little example with something big in your life, those bigger mistakes that you feel like you've made. Try to see what you can learn from it and teach your own children.

See Haley Figueroa, MA, LMFT's video on When parents make mistakes...

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Haley Figueroa, MA, LMFT

Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist & Brain Health Educator

Haley provides patients at the world-renowned Amen Clinics with in-depth psycho-social assessments, brain health education, parenting courses and Marriage and Family Therapy counseling. She has more than a decade of experience working with children, adolescents, and their families in a variety of environments including school and clinical settings. Haley also has specialized training in conflict resolution, lifestyle and weight management, relationship enhancements, and parenting. Creator of My Baby is Christian, a learning and spiritual development system for young children, Haley has taught several courses at the Amen Clinics, including a 12-week Anxiety and Depression group, Love and Logic parenting, and Amen Clinic’s Two-Day Brain Health Course. She also authors a parenting blog. Haley earned a Bachelor’s Degree in Child and Adolescent Studies at California State University, Fullerton and a Master's Degree in Clinical Psychology, with an emphasis in Marriage and Family Therapy, from Pepperdine University. A wife and mother of three, she is passionate about helping individuals and families reach their goals, enhance their relationships and achieve optimal brain health!

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Transcription: 
One of my tips for people who feel like they have made a mistake or messed up as parents -- This is a completely normal feeling to have, to feel like you've messed up or made a mistake. None of us are perfect. First of all, remind yourself of that. I really recommend getting rid of that "mother's guilt," if you can, or work on that. That "mother's guilt," while it's normal, it doesn't help you to be the mom or the dad that you want to be. It makes it harder. You feel bad and those thoughts will affect your mood. Those thoughts affect your parenting skills. First of all, work on those thoughts, address those thoughts. Try to re-direct your thoughts and try and learn from those mistakes. This is a great opportunity, not just for you to learn from your mistakes, but also for you to teach your kids that it's okay to mess up. It's okay to learn from that and move from that problem-solving mode, and try to figure out; what can I do next? The simple example of spilling something, I know that's not a big mistake, but if we get all worked up when our kids spill something or we spill something, it doesn't really help us to solve the problem. We can do it calmly, and show our kids, "Oh, I made a mistake. I spilled something. I'm going to go and see what I can do to clean this up." Now, that's just a little thing, it's not a big thing. Try to relate that little example with something big in your life, those bigger mistakes that you feel like you've made. Try to see what you can learn from it and teach your own children.