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Dealing with insensitive comments after a miscarriage

Sometimes after experiencing a miscarriage or a traumatic loss your friends and family say the most well meaning things and it comes out the wrong way. For example, somebody may say to you, “I’m so sorry for your loss, but you’re young, you can have another baby.” Right? So that hits you in that way that hurts the most and your feelings are hurt and you’re angry. And when people are saying the most insensitive things, one of the things that you can do is you want to turn around and criticize them, tell them they’re wrong. But instead if you can find a way to think that they are well meaning and their best intentions at heart and sometimes, just because of society norms, they don’t even really know what to say. And just hold in your heart that at the bottom they really love you and you can tell that, “It would really help me, it would really support me if you could say this right now. If you could do this for me right now.” And most of all just really recognize in your heart you can’t change a way a person is going to act. And they may come around and say something insensitive to you again. But really, it’s really about how you deal with the issue or issues. It’s really about how you’re holding that. So if you can hold it from the place of love versus hurt and anger it’ll go a long way towards your healing.
PREGNANCY, Miscarriage and Loss

Grief and Loss Specialist Claire Chew Gillenson, MA, shares advice on how to best handle insensitive comments after having a miscarriage


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Claire Chew, MA

Grief & Loss Specialist

Claire Chew is a Life Transformation/Grief Coach based in Los Angeles, serving clients locally in Southern California and globally via Skype. Her work has been featured in Marie Claire, InStyle, Martha Stewart's Living, Body + Soul, and on Good Morning America. Claire brings an integrative approach to her life coaching, melding Eastern and Western philosophies with a focus on the whole of our being: physical, mental, emotional and spiritual. Her proven methods help empower individuals to create their own joy and happiness while moving through life transitions. Claire specializes in grief that is not part of mainstream conversations: pet loss, miscarriage, pregnancy loss, suicide and recovery. A published author, speaker and educator, she is the founder of Luxepets.

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