Tips for resolving arguments with my partner or spouse

Marriage & Family Thereapist, Julia Kantor, shares advice for couples on how to resolve arguments with your partner or spouse
How To Best Resolve Conflicts With Your Spouse - Marriage Advice
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Tips for resolving arguments with my partner or spouse

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The key to resolving a conflict with your partner is sometimes to just not resolve it. Sometimes the worst thing you can do is to keep talking. It is essential for couples to take a break when conflict is escalating and come back to the situation when things have calmed down. The key is to agree in advance that you are both going to respect this boundary. How do you know when it's time to take a break? When there is blaming and critical language, when voices are rising, and when neither of you is feeling heard. At this time, you say, "This conversation isn't being constructive right now. Let's take a break and talk about this later when we are both calm." Disengage, go for a walk around the block, breathe, say something to yourself, like, "It feels really bad right now, but it's going to get better." Then be sure that you do reconnect later on to resolve that situation.

Marriage & Family Thereapist, Julia Kantor, shares advice for couples on how to resolve arguments with your partner or spouse

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Julia Kantor, MFT

Marriage & Family Therapist

Julia Kantor, is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with over 15 years of experience. With a private practice in Beverly Hills and Sherman Oaks, Julia provides psychotherapy to individuals and couples dealing with a broad range of challenges. Julia also leads infant and toddler groups at the Pump Station and Sinai Temple and specializes in helping moms and couples to stay connected and improve communication post-children. She regularly speaks on "Childproofing Your Marriage" and offers phone coaching on this subject as well. 

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Transcription: 
The key to resolving a conflict with your partner is sometimes to just not resolve it. Sometimes the worst thing you can do is to keep talking. It is essential for couples to take a break when conflict is escalating and come back to the situation when things have calmed down. The key is to agree in advance that you are both going to respect this boundary. How do you know when it's time to take a break? When there is blaming and critical language, when voices are rising, and when neither of you is feeling heard. At this time, you say, "This conversation isn't being constructive right now. Let's take a break and talk about this later when we are both calm." Disengage, go for a walk around the block, breathe, say something to yourself, like, "It feels really bad right now, but it's going to get better." Then be sure that you do reconnect later on to resolve that situation.