Leana Greene: You have one of the most successful blogs, wealthysinglewoman.com, the only site devoted to professional single moms. You have an incredible following and you're just coming out with a new book, Kickass Mom, right?
Emma Johnson: Yeah. So my blog is Wealthy Single Mommy, and the book is The Kickass Single Mom and it's out in October. I'm very excited about it.
Leana Greene: You know, it's very different. Some women want to have sex. They have orgasms super easy when they're pregnant. Some of them don't want to have sex. Some men feel that their wife is attractive when they're pregnant, some have a hard time having sex, right?
Emma Johnson: There's very little celebration of a pregnant woman's body before or after birth. Does she feel beautiful and sexual and desirable, or does she feel like a fat, ugly mom cow? Because that's really what society is telling us.
Nursing can be an incredibly erotic thing for a man, for some men. And maybe that's not your kink, but that doesn't mean that you [inaudible 00:01:28] that and show her how beautiful you find it when she uses that.
Speaker 3: So my husband and I had our first baby about six months ago, and it's a hard thing to talk about but we haven't had sex in a while. And you know, I'm just self-conscious about my body, from being overweight and the stretchmarks, and I also feel awkward sharing my body with my husband because I'm breastfeeding. And I'm just really trying to figure out how to get past that, where I could feel confident in myself again and where I don't feel awkward sharing my body with him, and where I can feel sexy again and where he looks at me the same. So, if you could just give me advice on what to do, how to get past that.
Emma Johnson: Your husband wasn't checking you out because of your thin figure or because of a dress that you fit into. He was picking up on your own sense of your own sexuality and beauty. So finding ways to actually do that, yes, standing in front of the mirror ... I mean, it sounds cheesy but those positive affirmations, they do work.
But I want you to take it a bunch of steps further. I want you to masturbate, have orgasms, whether they're with him or alone. Wear pretty panties, whatever that means for you, whatever is going to make you feel sexy. Even if you're the only one seeing them for a while, I want you to do those because that's what he's going to respond to. It's not the size of your jeans.
Leana Greene: I recently divorced my husband. What's your advice on dating as a single mom?
Emma Johnson: One, you have to do it. There's no shame in dating as a mother. There's so many shameful messages out there that mothers are selfish or they're whoreish if they prioritize their sexuality and their romantic needs, so I love that you're even asking me the question and thinking about it. So that's a big high-five.
The rules are, honestly, common sense. Do not approach it with any shame. One of the biggest mistakes I see women making is sort of ... they have a sense of shame and uncertainty about their own sexuality as a mom, and so they kind of hide it from their kids. They don't ever talk to their children about it, they lie if they are going out on a date.
And we all know shame breeds really not healthy behavior. Sneaking men in, that's not okay. Maybe committing way before you're ready, way before your family's ready, that's not healthy. Statistically, that's actually one of the most dangerous things we can do as moms, is committing to men before, like serial ... Dating is fine and healthy, and it's part of modeling healthy adult relationships, because our children are going to be dating. They're not gonna marry the first person they date. They're gonna probably be dating multiple people, multiple relationships in their lives, and it's up to us to approach this with some pride and confidence.
Leana Greene: I feel like my marriage is dead, and also feel like we have to stay together for the kids. How do I know when to leave, and is there anything I can do to save it?
Emma Johnson: Laying it all out on the table. And I know this is always just like the pat answer, but lots of times people can't do that on their own. They don't even know their own feeling. Those resentments can just build up over years, decades. And bringing in a third party, you know, the therapist is the obvious answer, a trusted friend that can help you pick apart how you're feeling. Because that's years and years and years of stuff that you're unpacking, and you might surprise yourself what's really pissing you off.
Speaker 4: How do you keep the spark alive after being married for so long?
Emma Johnson: As the single mom population that I'm communicating with all the time, so now we're outside of marriages or long-term relationships and we're trying to be cute for new guys, new people that we're meeting. And you look at those married moms in a whole new way and you're like, "Girl, get out of those sweatpants. Get out of those yoga pants."
But it's not just that, "Maybe she's a little bigger," or it's not that they're yoga pants. It's that she's not making the effort. It's the act of trying to be special for your partner and showing that you care. That's the real nut of it. Yeah, if you're cute and fit, that's all a great byproduct of it. But that you care and you're showing your partner that you care about your sex life and your connection, I think that's the essence of it.
Leana Greene: Your book is coming out when? What date was it, again?
Emma Johnson: It's October. October 17th. The Kickass Single Mom: Be Financially Independent, Discover Your Sexiest Self and Race Fabulous, Happy Children. And you can pre-order it now. Please do. And you can also find me at wealthysinglemommy.com.
Leana Greene: Thank you so much for being here with us today, and I hope you learned something that will make you have a better sex life and better relationships. Over and out, from Kids in the House.