Feeling like an outsider in a newly blended family

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Feeling like an outsider in a newly blended family

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I used to feel like an outsider in my family unit all the time. At the beginning of my courtship with my now husband, I constantly felt isolated. But I realized that it wasn’t anything to do with my kids. They weren’t being malicious or intentional about leaving me out. What they were doing was trying to bond with their dad during a hard time for them. They were going through a divorce. It was something developmental that they had to do. So I stopped being so hypersensitive to things like them asking questions about when they were born, or them fighting over sitting next to their dad at the movie theatre. Instead, I tried to put myself in their position and realized that this is something they needed to do. They needed to attach to their dad. So I backed off a little bit and I just – by being myself – I naturally become more included and felt more included. And now they fight to sit next to me. So it’s pretty awesome. Essentially, at the end of the day, when you come into a new family, you’re not an outsider. You’re just like a new member of the band, so it takes a little bit of time to connect.

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Tristan Coppersmith

Stepmom & Expectant Mom

Tristan is a stepmom of two and a mom of one-on-the-way. By day she is a Love Stylist, helping single women navigate the challenges of dating. She is the author of Menu Dating and the soon to be released, Getting Out of Love's Way. By night she is a psychology grad student at Pepperdine. What she really lives for, though, is lazy strolls on the beach, eavesdropping at local coffee shops, shopping for vintage dresses and of course, snuggle time with the family. 

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