The importance of a consistent narrative after a parent dies

Transcription:

It was important for me to make sure that Madelyn knew form the moment that Liz had died and I wanted that narrative to be consistent through out the time that I told her about this. She was just 27 hour old when her mom died. So I went into the NICU to see her, I told her, your mom has died. And said other few other things to her but I wanted that message to be consistent from the beginning until she is old enough to truly understand it. I think the most interesting thing that the parents sort of over looked, that children is pretty in tuned to what is going on. And their lot smarter than we give them credit for and much more developed mentally sometimes than we give them credit for. And I didn't want my daughter at age 2 or 3 or 7 or whenever it was that she was going to be developed mentally ready to understand this. I didn't want her to hear a different story suddenly. I wanted that message to be consistent so that when she asked me at 3 as she did or actually when she was 2 when she said to me, where is mommy, daddy? I could say your mommy died, I could tell her the things that are the most important that your mommy loved you and she was so excited to meet you. And I know that she wanted to be here if she could be but she can't be. And because of that, it is the 2 of us and we are going to work really hard to make sure that you have the best life possible because that's what your mom would want and that's what I want for you as well. And so keeping that message consistent means that I don't have to change my story, i don't have taht someday have her ask me why I didn't tell her the truth. I've always told her the truth as I understand it, and as i know it and that something that I think that someday she will appreciate and she won't question me when it comes to other things, when it comes to other important parenting decision that I have to make. That I have to keep her from danger, whenever she will trust my judgement, she will trust me as a person and not just as her parent.

Video Categories: ALL PARENTS, Grief and Loss, Children and Grief

Matthew Logelin, Best-selling Author, shares advice for parents with a deceased spouse on the importance of maintaining a consistent narrative for your child after the death of a parent

Transcript

Expert Bio

Matthew Logelin

Bestselling Author & Blogger

Matthew Logelin is the author of the New York Times bestselling memoir, Two Kisses for Maddy, as well as the acclaimed and award-winning blog, Matt, Liz, & Madeline. His essays have been featured in the Huffington Post, Glamour Magazine, Mamalode Magazine, and The Shriver Report: A Woman’s Nation Changes Everything.

Two Kisses for Maddy was the winner of the Goodreads Choice Award in the Best Memoir & Autobiography category, 2011, has been translated to four languages and was recently optioned by the Lifetime network, to be adapted for the small screen by Marta Kauffman (Friends) and Denise DiNovi (Crazy, Stupid Love; The Lucky One).

Matt is also the founder and president of The Liz Logelin Foundation, a non-profit organization founded in honor of his late wife, with the sole purpose of providing hope for young widowed families (regardless of marital status or sexual orientation) through financial assistance and necessary resources. Since its founding in 2009, The Liz Logelin Foundation has given grants to more than 120 families. Most importantly, Matt is the father to four-year-old Madeline. His toughest critic most days, she is also his biggest fan. He spends his days helping her refine her taste in music and books. They live in Los Angeles but travel often to see as much of the world as possible.

Parenting expert on: Suffering and Grief Support, Children and Grief, Parents with a Purpose, Family Time

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