Challenges for fathers in equally shared parenting

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Challenges for fathers in equally shared parenting

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So pursuing Equally Shared Parenting has been really rewarding for me but obviously any lifestyle choice doesn't come without it's challenges. For me, one of the main ones was redefining what it means to be successful as a man. I attacked this challenge well before I got married and had kids. It's what I call kind of the balance portion of Equally Shared Parenting which is: Why do I live the way I do? I remember asking myself the question way back when on a random Tuesday, even though I loved my job, what do I want to do tomorrow? And I found myself answering I wish I had a vacation day and I'd like to go hiking or I'd like to do something else. So now I find that I continue to redefine success as a man by looking at all the aspects of my life as oppose to just how much money I bring in the door. I am a brother, I am a son, I am a husband, I am a dad and I am a coworker, and I feel like all of those roles really define who I am as oppose to just how much money I can bring home. The second challenge which I found really difficult was the swapping of roles so frequently. I find myself at work in a typical work environment. I have deadlines to meet. I have bosses to keep happy and I find myself having to go home to be with the kids on a particular day and I find switching gears could be a real challenge. It's getting back down into the 'nitty-gritty' with the kids, rolling around on the floor and trying to avoid the beeping of the iPhone saying there's someone at work who needs me right now. And then, going the other direction is almost as difficult. Having a nice daddy day with the kids, enjoying myself but still being distracted occasionally on what needs to get done in the office. So I find myself marching in, catching the bus, getting to work as fast as I can so I don't miss out on my responsibilities there as well. All in all, I continue to have to redefine what it means to be a success. I have to look at my life, make sure I'm living intentionally and not comparing my offerings at home to what my father my have done, and calling myself a success as a result of that. Right now I find myself looking more commonly towards my wife, find out how we share, how we work as a team.

Watch Marc Vachon's video on Challenges for fathers in equally shared parenting...

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Marc Vachon

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Marc and Amy Vachon are the authors of Equally Shared Parenting: Rewriting the Rules for a New Generation of Parents, and founders of www.equallysharedparenting.com. They are dedicated to helping parents achieve their dream of an equal partnership, and to providing both mothers and fathers with a roadmap to a balanced life of parenting, breadwinning, homemaking and time for self. Their work has been covered by the New York TimesBoston GlobeGuardian (UK), Fitness MagazineThe Today ShowParenting, and other media. They have written their own personal story of equally shared parenting in One Big Happy Family, an anthology by Rebecca Walker. Amy is a clinical pharmacy director, and Marc is an information technology manager. They live in Watertown, Massachusetts with their two children, ages 11 and 8.

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