Telling your community about your known donor

Susan Goldberg, MA Author & Blogger, shares advice for couple's who used a known donor to get pregnant on the best way to tell others who the sperm donor was
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Telling your community about your known donor

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As a same sex couple, how have we told people about our choice to use a known donor? Well I think that right at the beginning when it's quite clear that someone's pregnant, or even before if people know that you're trying, my best approach has been to try to just bring it up as soon as possible. Don't try to make it a big reveal. Don't try to make it a big secret. Because then you sort of invite more attention. In our experience, it was pretty natural. When my partner and I were deciding to have kids, we phoned her mom who lived pretty far away and just said, yeah, we're going to be doing this. Our friend Rob is helping us out. And I remember we invited ourselves over to dinner at my parents' house and told them about it. We invited Rob over to meet them, and they were really happy. And then he just became this nice guy that was helping out their family. And then as life goes on, it just comes up and again the same approach has been to be very up front. If people, if I say, oh my partner and I have two boys, if they even ask, which often they don't. Oh, well how did you do that? Did you adopt? Did you get pregnant? Then we just say, yeah, a friend of ours helped us out. He donated sperm. And he's a great guy. And he's in our kids' lives. And usually that's the end of the discussion.

Susan Goldberg, MA Author & Blogger, shares advice for couple's who used a known donor to get pregnant on the best way to tell others who the sperm donor was

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Susan Goldberg, MA

Author & Blogger

Susan Goldberg is a writer, editor, essayist and blogger, and coeditor of the award-winning anthology And Baby Makes More: Known Donors, Queer Parents, and Our Unexpected Families. Her writing has been featured on the CBC and the Globe and Mail, in Ms., Lilith, and Stealing Time magazines, and several anthologies, including the forthcoming Chasing Rainbows: Exploring Gender-Fluid Parenting Practices. Susan is a contributing blogger at Today’sParent.com and VillageQ.com. In 2012, she was chosen as one of BlogHer’s Voices of the Year. She’s currently (always) working on a novel, called Step on a Crack, and on Overflow, a one-woman performance piece about lingerie and breast cancer. Susan lives in Thunder Bay, Ontario, with her partner and their two sons.

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