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How Adoptive Parents Are Chosen

Jul 02, 2014

When it comes to choosing adoptive parents for their child, each birth mother will differ slightly simply in terms of personality and preference.  But, there are a couple things that birth mothers are generally looking for in adoptive parents - things that she is likely not able to provide at the moment. 

According to adoption attorney Stephen Ravel, birth mothers are looking for an adoptive parent or parents with financial stability and a stable relationship.  As long as you are financially and emotionally stable, birth mothers are not typically concerned with the other factors. 

Less important factors include the age of the adoptive parents, religion, and whether or not you have other children. Revel has worked with adoptive parents who are 70 years old, gay and lesbian couples, single people, and people of various religious backgrounds.  Of course, the weight given to these factors depends on the particular birth mother- some will want adoptive parents to be of a certain religion, age, etc. but in general stability is paramount.

In order for the adoptive family to get connected with a birth mother, there are various stages of processing that must occur.  The attorney for the adoptive parents will handle a lot of the processing and legal documents, including acquiring background information about the medical history of the mother and other pertinent information. That information will then be passed on to the adoptive parents.  After some exchange of information, the two parties can meet to determine if they are a good fit for one another. Revel is sure to point out that in no way throughout this process are the adoptive parents bound to or obligated to proceed with the adoption.  This is a period for determining if this particular adoption is the right one for them and their family.  Being introduced to a birth mother or paying for her bill of support does not mean the adoptive parents are obligated to the adopt if they determine the situation is not ideal for them. 

In general, both biological parents and adoptive parents are making an agreement to the arrangement and should both be comfortable with their decision.  The attorney is present on behalf of the clients and the mother generally works with an agency. These will help both parties determine whether or not the adoption is right for them.


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Understanding the medical payment process is crucial in adoption cases! Make sure to work everything out with your attorney and the biological parents before things get confusing and awkward between the two parties involved.

I've noticed that they want to be able to choose you so they are not looking for the bad, but rather they are looking for the good.

It can be hard to wait but is definitely worth it. We are going through this process right now and the agency we work with has been really helpful and supportive.

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