19 Year Old Daughter- Like a Ghost Living With Us?
Please bear with me, this'll be a bit lengthy to exactly describe what's going on. Thank you for anyone who reads it fully.
I realize my daughter is an adult, but as a mother- I do get frustrated quite a bit. She's a good daughter, she doesn't go out and party or disappear for days on end, nothing like that. She's a certified nursing assistant and is PRN at a nursing home, and going to be attending college this upcoming year.
She lives with us- pays her rent and even gave us $1500 to help us pay off credit cards. She doesn't hang out with friends (not really sure if she has any, she has never spoken of any) and doesn't leave the house unless it's for work or for school.
The issue is- I rarely see her! I have to coax her to even come out to eat! I know she comes out of her room, because there'll be hot coffee made in the afternoon when I get home from work, (she's a pm/nights worker, so she's a night owl and afternoon for us is morning for her). But she doesn't socialize whatsoever, I went around 2 weeks without seeing even a glimpse of her! I can't even get her out to get her hair cut. She does enjoy wine quite a bit, and her father has had some...trouble with alcohol. She likes to come home from work and drink a couple glasses of wine, she says it helps her sleep because she has bad nightmares that keep her awake, and wine just "knocks her out". Some nights my husband will drink all the wine because he can't help himself, and my daughter will be furious when she comes home to nothing leftover. We've had a few issues with her father's drinking and smoking too, which has upset my daughter quite a bit.
All she does is sleep when she's home. She's had moments that have really scared me when I do see her. One night my son, 13 and I were up at 10:30 or so, watching a show together as she came home from work. Her brother quietly made a few remarks under his breath about her, which she ignored and began to climb the stairs to hide back in her cave, and he made another remark quietly to me about her- she flew down the stairs so quickly, I didn't even see it- she crossed the room in a few strides and just began WAILING on her little brother, punching him multiple times right in the face. Of course when they were younger they bickered so much, but as of recently they're never in the same room because of her hiding. Sometimes I'll hear her come downstairs at night, around 2 am and probably cook food or something of the sort, but that's it. I try to cook food that she likes to let the smell draw her out from her cave but recently she hasn't been coming down to that either, and I haven't heard or seen any evidence of her eating at all.
A few months ago she did have episodes of vomiting. I don't believe she's bulimic or anorexic, but she does vomit quite often after eating, some months more than others. She's had issues with not eating enough either. She told me one day that she hates the hassle of eating and wish she could just drink something that gave her the nutrition she needed and be done with it.
Is this a phase? Is there something I can do? She's a good child, but we never see her! It's like I only have one of my children living in the house, and not two.