How To Deliver Messages Others Dont Want To Hear

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How To Deliver Messages Others Dont Want To Hear

One of the things that parents often forget in parenting their kids is to teach them how to have difficult conversations, messages that people might not want to hear. If you think about we're all worried about peer pressure. Peer pressure is really a couple of things. One is knowing the right thing to do which most of the kids know already but the thing they're scared of is losing their relationship with those people so if we can teach them how to have difficult conversations and take a stand for themselves and stay in relationship then they're going to listen to the part of them that knows what's right and they're going to have a better chance against peer pressure. Part of this implies sitting down with our kids and modeling for them when we say no to them that we do it in a respectful way. It means that when we find out that she's going to break up with her boyfriend that we talked about "how do you do that? How do you break up with somebody in a healthy way?" Far too many adolescents, they either act badly with their boyfriends and hope that the boyfriend will break up with them or they stop showing up or they hope they'll send signs and the boyfriend will read it and walk away from them but it never happens. So, often it ends up in a blow up in some way that was never clear. It's important for them to understand, you've been in a relationship. You cared for this person. Something has changed in you. You're not seeing them the same way. You don't have to discount them. You don't have to make them feel bad as much as you just need to acknowledge the relationship is changed and I need to change now and if there's a respectful way to do this. The other person isn't going to say, "Well, thank you. I understand. Thanks a lot for being so respectful." They're still going to get angry but what we want is our kids to have the sense that when it's over that you look in the mirror and you can feel good about yourself. You'll feel bad that this other person is hurt but you can feel good about yourself because if you do it in a respectful way, what will happen is as time goes on, you will continue friendships with these people and you'll add more richness to your life. If you do it in a poor way, then you're going to lose this person from your life.

See Michael Riera, PhD's video on How To Deliver Messages Others Dont Want To Hear...


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Michael Riera, PhD

Head Of School, Brentwood School

Michael Riera, PhD, Educator, Author, Media Personality, and Speaker. Michael Riera is the Head of School at the Brentwood School, best-selling author, award-winning columnist, educator, television commentator, and national speaker on issues of children, adolescents, families, and parenting. Mike is the author of Right From Wrong: instilling a Sense of integrity in Our Children, Field Guide to the American Teenager, Uncommon Sense For Parents With Teenagers, and Surviving High School. His most recent book, Staying Connected To Your Teenager, was launched with three appearances on Oprah! For eight years he was the Family Consultant for CBS The Saturday Morning Early Show and also hosted an award winning television show on the Oxygen Network, Life in Progress, as well as his own daily radio show, Family Talk with Dr. Mike. Mike has worked in schools for over 20 years as a head of school, counselor, dean of students, teacher and consultant. 

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