Four choices that can end power struggles

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Four choices that can end power struggles

All people, adults and children, need power. We want power and we need power. Giving children choices is one way to give them some power and control. There are four types of choices. Concrete choices: Do you want the red cup or the blue cup? Playful choices: Do you want to hop like a bunny to the bathroom or fly like an airplane to the bathtub? Choices with incentives: If you brush your teeth quickly, we will have time for two books tonight. And choices with a consequence: You can either get in the carseat yourself or I am going to help you. Those four types of choices start off with the most basic kind and then they kind of gradually escalate to the more forceful kind. Giving your children power and choice can disseminate many, many, many, many power struggles.

See Kim DeMarchi, MEd, CPE's video on Four choices that can end power struggles...


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Kim DeMarchi, MEd, CPE

Parent Educator

is an Oregon resident, in the United States, with 18 year old boy/girl twins in the Tigard Tualatin School District, and has been an educator for almost three decades. She began her career as an elementary school teacher for 12 years, then worked as an elementary school administrator for 6 years, and then decided to dedicate herself to teaching parenting classes and workshops exclusively. Kim is trained and certified through a program called Positive Discipline by Jane Nelsen, as well by the International Network for Children and Families, in a program called Redirecting Children‘s Behavior. She also has taken recent trainings in the areas of Youth Mental Health First Aid, Adult Mental Health First Aid, ACES (Adverse Childhood Experiences), ASIST (Applied Suicide Intervention Skills Training), Trauma Informed Care, Smart Voices/Smart Choices: Parents Talking with Kids about Mental Wellness and Substance Use, and Making the Connection: Stress, Teen Brains & Building Resilience. Kim is active in supporting her local parenting community by providing workshops, classes, coaching families and writing monthly articles for two local newspapers Tualatin Times and Tigard Times. Kim is a monthly guest on KATU's Afternoon Live and an occasional guest on KATU's AM Northwest television show doing parenting segments. Kim also reaches thousands internationally through her close to one hundred 30 minute parenting podcasts found on her website. Additionally, Kim recently made her fifth trip to Asia during the last few years to teach and share her passion in raising cooperative, respectful, resilient and responsible children. Kim’s goal for you is to help reduce conflict, foster mutual respect, and create deeper communication and connections with your loved ones.

You can reach Kim and her resources at her website:

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