Four steps to setting limits and sticking to them

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Four steps to setting limits and sticking to them

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Think carefuly before you set a limit. Choose your battle and if you are going to set a limit, be sure that you are going to follow through. Four simple steps to set limits: Your child wants a cookie before dinner time. Number one, empathize with that child. I know sweatheart. I know you really, really want that cookie. Number two, pause. Just be silent for a moment. Please do not say the word but. Number three, state your limit. So you are saying I know you really want that cookie sweatheart. In our family, we eat cookies after we put healthy food in our bodies. And number four, give your child a choice. So after you say we put healthy food in our bodies, you say something like would you like to grab some carrots or a stick of cheese. Now if they go back to the no, I want a cookie, I want a cookie, you go back to step one. Empathize. If you give your child empathy, they will come off the ladder and realize that you mean business. Keep repeating yourself. Know that it is the child´s job to test the limits. It is your job to set them.

View Kim DeMarchi, MEd, CPE's video on Four steps to setting limits and sticking to them...

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Kim DeMarchi, MEd, CPE

Parent Educator

is an Oregon resident, in the United States, with 18 year old boy/girl twins in the Tigard Tualatin School District, and has been an educator for almost three decades. She began her career as an elementary school teacher for 12 years, then worked as an elementary school administrator for 6 years, and then decided to dedicate herself to teaching parenting classes and workshops exclusively. Kim is trained and certified through a program called Positive Discipline by Jane Nelsen, as well by the International Network for Children and Families, in a program called Redirecting Children‘s Behavior. She also has taken recent trainings in the areas of Youth Mental Health First Aid, Adult Mental Health First Aid, ACES (Adverse Childhood Experiences), ASIST (Applied Suicide Intervention Skills Training), Trauma Informed Care, Smart Voices/Smart Choices: Parents Talking with Kids about Mental Wellness and Substance Use, and Making the Connection: Stress, Teen Brains & Building Resilience. Kim is active in supporting her local parenting community by providing workshops, classes, coaching families and writing monthly articles for two local newspapers Tualatin Times and Tigard Times. Kim is a monthly guest on KATU's Afternoon Live and an occasional guest on KATU's AM Northwest television show doing parenting segments. Kim also reaches thousands internationally through her close to one hundred 30 minute parenting podcasts found on her website. Additionally, Kim recently made her fifth trip to Asia during the last few years to teach and share her passion in raising cooperative, respectful, resilient and responsible children. Kim’s goal for you is to help reduce conflict, foster mutual respect, and create deeper communication and connections with your loved ones.

You can reach Kim and her resources at her website:

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