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11-year-old obsessed with sexual orientation

Posted October 13, 2020 - 4:22pm

I'm struggling here with how to be supportive while guiding my 11-year-old's behavior. During Covid 19 & lockdown, she was on the phone & messages constantly with her cousin back home in California who is 14. I didn't know at the time, but the cousin was sharing WAY too much information about how she is bi-sexual, taught her details about all the forms of alternative lifestyles and introduced her to pornography. We've cut all communications now for 6 months.
Somehow, my daughter identified as being bi-sexual at this time and became hateful towards me for cutting her off from her cousin. I think she might have confused the reasons I blocked this cousin. I don't mind that she's bi (or whatever!) but she crossed serious boundaries speaking with a younger child about inappropriate sexual stuff and the porn.
My daughter's mental health was in a bad place and I got her a therapist. She continued to sink into a depression and hate me after we started online school so I sent her back to regular on-campus school even though I'm concerned about Covid. I was hoping being around peers would help her recover her cheerful, confident personality.
She seems really happy for 2 weeks at school. then today told me she doesn't hang around her old friends anymore as she doesn't like the same things they do. They are straight and don't watch anime, so she has crossed them off her list. I mentioned that maybe there are other things they have in common and she made a concerning remark about straight people disliking the gay community and how she only connects with her bi, pan, gay, etc friends on tiktok and doesn't need these girls at school.
Ok, so WTH? She 11 and I feel it's awfully young to focus this much on sexuality, gay, straight or other. And these girls are 6th graders and I highly doubt sexuality is on the forefront of their minds. So I fear she is being rude, making herself appear odd and isolating herself. I've talked with her about this and she thinks, again, I have issues with her being bi and doesn't get it that I'm concerned she's being too "in your face" about being bi and she's freaking out her peers.
BTW, I've raised her to understand and accept the LGBT community without a doubt. We have members of our family and close friends who are gay or lesbian. We live in Nashville now where it's pretty old-fashioned, but we were born and raised in Southern California where there wasn't this tension between the straight and the non-straights.
Is this a trend? Should I be worried she's so hyperfocused on sex orientation and not other age appropriate things? I'd really hate for her to be rejected as the kid who makes everyone feel uncomfortable discussing this stuff at this age. I also want to support her if she is dealing with her sexual orientation but she won't let me. She has so much anger towards me.

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The recommended treatment for sufferers of Sexual Orientation OCD is Exposure Response Prevention Therapy (ERP). ERP is when you voluntarily expose yourself to the source of your fear over and over and over again, without acting out any compulsion to neutralize or stop the fear. Did you try this on her? Please let us informed.