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The myth of unconditional love?

Posted May 3, 2013 - 7:28am
From my understanding of "unconditional love" I would have to disagree with dr. Shefali Tsabary. In my mind UL does not mean that we love our children only when all the conditions are met - they are living up to our standards and norms ... For me, UL means that despite all the faults we might see in our child (our subjective opinion), despite the child's life path that is different of what we had in our mind for him, we still love him. E.g. When a child is underachieving in a parents' mind, it might lead to quarreling, bad atmosphere etc. but it rarely leads to parents rejecting their children, which would happen if achieving the parents' standards would be a condition for their love. (And still, the parents would feel pain that would be a sign of their love.) What dr. ST is talking about at the end is, for me, a different tail of love. BECAUSE I love my child, I want all the best for him and I may not be happy with what he chose to be. But I also give him the freedom to choose his path. AND love him anyways.

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Shefali Tsabary, PhD
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Clinical Psychologist & Author
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I always tell my kids - I may not like what you did , but I always love you... and that sums it up for me.


This is very true. My children know that I may not always like their choices, but I will always love them.


I agree with your critique of this video. I'll love my kids no matter what they do, not just if they meet my conditions. 


I think this video is just about setting up standards for your kids. I know what he means because my dad was always the "tough love" kind of guy but I hated that. It always hurt my feelings when he pointed out that I wasn't good enough or whatever else.