I think that having a traumatic or difficult or high-risk pregnancy completely impacts any subsequent pregnancies. I don't think that you can ever be blissfully unaware and enjoy your belly growing because everything is clouded with fear and doubt. If the baby isn't kicking, what's wrong? If things aren't growing on the normal way, you are scared. It is impossible to relax and just enjoy being pregnant, no matter how you tell yourself that you should. You are just living in a constant state of fear that something is going wrong. With pregnancy, there is so much that is unknown with it. When you bring in the fact that you've had something go wrong in the past, it is impossible to relax and let the pregnancy happen. It is unfortunate that you don't get to be blissfully unaware, but perhaps you are a little more proactive.