Leana Greene: We have Stephan. And how do you say your last name? I don't even want to try.
Stephan L.: Labossiere.
Leana Greene: Labossiere. Where's that name from?
Stephan L.: French. It's a French last name.
Leana Greene: French. Sounds very French. You are a certified relationship coach. You're authors of many books, and you have like 1.2 million devoted followers on Facebook, which is incredible. Your new book, How to Get a Woman to Have Sex With You After Your Husband ...
Stephan L.: Yeah, If You're Her Husband.
Leana Greene: If You're Her Husband. Yeah. Which is interesting, because you're not married. The book is more directed to men, is it?
Stephan L.: Absolutely.
Leana Greene: Here we go. We're going to hear from a parent, I hope.
Speaker 3: Hi. Thank you for having me. Six months ago, my wife and I gave birth to our beautiful little boy Owen. It's been great. But the sexual part of our relationship was struggling before the baby, and now, six months after, it's still been struggling. She's having slight depression. It's just weighing on me. A couple days ago, I drunkenly went out, and I hooked up with a young lady. I told her. Now the question is ... I love my wife. I love my child. I don't want to lose either one of them ... what do I do to save this relationship?
Stephan L.: The first thing you have to do is focus on the emotional side of things in that situation, in the sense that ... He mentioned that she's experiencing depression, and that's affecting the sex life, as well as the fact that they were having issues before the baby. But right now, because the infidelity occurred, you have to rebuild the trust in the relationship. Because the reality is that if a woman is not connected with you in the relationship and she does not feel emotionally safe, she's going to struggle to give herself to you sexually. He has to now work on the deeper parts of that relationship and find out what was causing the depression and what was causing the disconnecting sex before the baby occurred. Once we can kind of get to those real issues and correct them, now we can start rebuilding a better relationship and a better sex life.
Speaker 4: So my husband and I had our first baby about six months ago. It's a hard thing to talk about, but we haven't had sex in a while. I'm just self-conscious about my body from being overweight and the stretch marks. I also feel awkward sharing my body with my husband because I'm breastfeeding. I'm just really trying to figure out how to get past that, where I can feel confident in myself again and where I don't feel awkward sharing my body with him, and where I can feel sexy again and where he looks at me the same. If you could just give me advice on what to do, how to get past that.
Stephan L.: First thing is to make sure that you talk to your husband and you express how you feel to him so that he understands that you withdrawing from sex is because of the conflicting feelings you're having within, and so he can now work with you on building that confidence back up, and as was mentioned earlier, celebrating your body. And not just relying on your husband to celebrate it, but for you to celebrate it, for you to look in the mirror and remind yourself that you're beautiful, that you're desirable, that your husband does want you. You have to now kind of work your way back into being more intimate with your husband. That might be having some small steps as far as, you know, cuddling, kissing, the small things to kind of ease into it and build that confidence back up, but make sure you keep the communication open with your husband. Because if he doesn't know what's going on, it can create other conflicts in the relationship.
Leana Greene: Do you have any advice for getting back into dating when you're a single parent?
Stephan L.: Yeah. One thing is, definitely don't define yourself by, "Oh, I'm a single mother." I mean that in the sense that, as was mentioned, some carry some kind of shame or awkwardness because they have kids. They question that the man's going to want them or going to be as interested. That doesn't define who you are. You have to still be the great woman that you are and put yourself out there. Also, create a balance in your life that allows you to have mother time and you time, because you have to take care of yourself. If you want to get out there and date, then you should be able to do that and enjoy your life and not feel like you can't get out there and take time for yourself because you have kids. Because if you're not being good to you, you're not going to be good to your kids in the long run.
Bryan: Hello. I am Bryan. This is ...
Connie: ... Connie ...
Bryan: ... and we have a question. How do you keep the spark alive after being married for so long?
Stephan L.: There's a lot of things that you can do to keep the spark alive, but the one thing that I want to focus on is how you are presenting yourself. What I mean by that is, a lot of times, when we get married, over the years, we might let ourselves go. And we're not as attractive to our partner as we used to be. We want to try to sweep that under the rug and act like it's okay, but it has a huge impact on that spark dying off. You have to really want to take care of your body, take care of your presentation. Look good for your partner, and look good for you as well. Building up that confidence and that physical attractiveness in a relationship is going to help give that spark a really nice boost. Again, there's a lot of other things you could do, but I think that's one of the most neglected areas in a marriage that can make a huge impact.
Leana Greene: Stephan, where can people get a hold of you, except for your incredible Facebook page?
Stephan L.: Well, you can find me on my website, www.stephanspeaks.com
. Again, my book is, How to Get a Woman to Have Sex With You If You're Her Husband.
Leana Greene: Thank you so much for being here with us today. I hope you learned something that will make you have a better sex life and better relationships. If you have issues or problems or topics that you want us to cover, please send us a message. Over and out from Kids in the House.