Dealing with your ex's new partner

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Dealing with your ex's new partner

It’s very common that a parent would not like a new stepparent that comes into the child’s life. However, we ask you to – as much as possible – keep those thoughts and opinions to yourself. That is if you tell that to the child, it puts the child in a loyalty bind. The child wants to be loyal to you and if you tell them that they shouldn’t listen or that you don’t like the step mom, they will soon develop those attitudes as well. If there are some things that the step parent is doing that are truly detrimental to the child, I would suggest a conversation perhaps with the parent and the step parent there in as non defensive a way as possible and also presenting with as much neutral communication as possible. Remember that stepparent is now going to be in the child’s life. You’re going to have a way to include that person in the child’s life, knowing that they may parent very differently from you. It’s not necessarily wrong, but it is going to be different. You’re going to have to find a place for that in your child’s life.

See Alan Yellin, PhD's video on Dealing with your ex's new partner...


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Alan Yellin, PhD


Dr. Alan Yellin is a licensed psychologist as well as licensed marriage and family therapist.  He has been in practice for over 30 years working with children, adolescents and adults. Dr. Yellin did his post-doctoral fellowship at Children’s Hospital in Los Angeles. In his practice, he sees children with learning problems, anxiety, obsessive-compulsive disorder, fears and social skills issues. Additionally, he has a sub-specialty in working with children from divorced families as well as helping parents deal more effectively with their divorce. Dr. Yellin’s practice also includes working with adolescents and adults with depression, anxiety, obsessive-compulsive issues as well as issues around life passages. Dr. Yellin believes that therapy works best when the client and therapist have a collaborative relationship as they explore thoughts and feelings and work towards solutions, and uses a combination of scientific data along with humor to help people achieve change. He is in a long-term happy marriage and has two grown children.

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