When kids blame themselves for divorce

Alan Yellin, PhD Psychologist, Marriage and Family Therapist, shares advice for parents on how to help your kids if they blame themselves for the divorce
Divorce And Children Tips | When Kids Blame Themselves
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When kids blame themselves for divorce

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Some children naturally blame themselves for the divorce. And because they feel powerful, they oftentimes even feel powerful that they can get their parents reunify. We let children know many times that they didn't cause it, they can't cure it. They didn't have anything to do with the divorce. Those were grown up kinds of problems. They won't be able to get mom and dad back to reunification either. So we let children know that. We want them to know that these were grown up kinds of problems. We don't tell the children what the problems were, because that's not children's business. But we do let them know that these were things mommy and daddy tried to work out, and we found we just couldn't work out these things. That's why we're getting a divorce. We also tell the children a lot, parents never divorce their children. They just divorce each other. Dad still loves you. Mom still loves you. We're going to be in your life forever and ever. The divorce really is between parents. It never ever has anything to do with the children.

Alan Yellin, PhD Psychologist, Marriage and Family Therapist, shares advice for parents on how to help your kids if they blame themselves for the divorce

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Alan Yellin, PhD

Psychologist

Dr. Alan Yellin is a licensed psychologist as well as licensed marriage and family therapist.  He has been in practice for over 30 years working with children, adolescents and adults. Dr. Yellin did his post-doctoral fellowship at Children’s Hospital in Los Angeles. In his practice, he sees children with learning problems, anxiety, obsessive-compulsive disorder, fears and social skills issues. Additionally, he has a sub-specialty in working with children from divorced families as well as helping parents deal more effectively with their divorce. Dr. Yellin’s practice also includes working with adolescents and adults with depression, anxiety, obsessive-compulsive issues as well as issues around life passages. Dr. Yellin believes that therapy works best when the client and therapist have a collaborative relationship as they explore thoughts and feelings and work towards solutions, and uses a combination of scientific data along with humor to help people achieve change. He is in a long-term happy marriage and has two grown children.

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