Explaining why your marriage can't be fixed

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Explaining why your marriage can't be fixed

Well, children almost always have fantasies about reuniting, particularly young children, grammar school age children, etc. That's why when a parent dates, the child often has such difficulty with that. Because in a way it's kind of ruining the fantasy that the parents are going to get back together. It is a reasonable thing to do, to tell children every now and then, "I love you very much. I'm glad that dad loves you very much. But I want you to know that daddy and I, just because we went to the PTA meeting together, or just because we went to this wedding together, I want you to know that mommy and daddy are not getting back together as husband and wife. We will continue to be your parents but will never be husband and wife again." So we tell children that directly. We also can ask children how they feel about that, "Do you ever sometimes wish that mommy and daddy got back together?" If the child says, "Yes," you can say, "You know, I've talked to friends and their children feel just the same way. So I understand how you feel. It's not going to happen, but that's the feeling that most children do have."

Watch Video: Explaining why your marriage can't be fixed by Alan Yellin, PhD, ...


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Alan Yellin, PhD


Dr. Alan Yellin is a licensed psychologist as well as licensed marriage and family therapist.  He has been in practice for over 30 years working with children, adolescents and adults. Dr. Yellin did his post-doctoral fellowship at Children’s Hospital in Los Angeles. In his practice, he sees children with learning problems, anxiety, obsessive-compulsive disorder, fears and social skills issues. Additionally, he has a sub-specialty in working with children from divorced families as well as helping parents deal more effectively with their divorce. Dr. Yellin’s practice also includes working with adolescents and adults with depression, anxiety, obsessive-compulsive issues as well as issues around life passages. Dr. Yellin believes that therapy works best when the client and therapist have a collaborative relationship as they explore thoughts and feelings and work towards solutions, and uses a combination of scientific data along with humor to help people achieve change. He is in a long-term happy marriage and has two grown children.

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