Loyalty issues caused by divorce

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Loyalty issues caused by divorce

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Loyalty issues are very common. What we ask parents to do is looking inside and see if you are doing anything to create the child feeling like they are being unloyal to you by having a relationship with the other parent, by telling you that they enjoyed the time with the other parent, by even saying to you on a weekend that they would rather spend that time with the other parent. So we want to enhance communication, allow the communication to take place. Don't take it personally even though sometimes it feels like that. Do a careful self assessment with regard to, "Am I giving my child any messages that would make them feel that they are not being loyal to me if they are spending time with the other parent?" If a child doesn't feel free to go and have a relationship with the other parent they often feel burdened, guilty and replacing the position of being caretaker of the feelings for the parent that has that loyalty conflict. That is not fair to the child. It makes them grow up feeling like they are responsible for other peoples feelings. It can increase their level of sadness. It is taking pleasure away from the child. Good parents do not want to do that to their children.

See Alan Yellin, PhD's video on Loyalty issues caused by divorce...

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Alan Yellin, PhD

Psychologist

Dr. Alan Yellin is a licensed psychologist as well as licensed marriage and family therapist.  He has been in practice for over 30 years working with children, adolescents and adults. Dr. Yellin did his post-doctoral fellowship at Children’s Hospital in Los Angeles. In his practice, he sees children with learning problems, anxiety, obsessive-compulsive disorder, fears and social skills issues. Additionally, he has a sub-specialty in working with children from divorced families as well as helping parents deal more effectively with their divorce. Dr. Yellin’s practice also includes working with adolescents and adults with depression, anxiety, obsessive-compulsive issues as well as issues around life passages. Dr. Yellin believes that therapy works best when the client and therapist have a collaborative relationship as they explore thoughts and feelings and work towards solutions, and uses a combination of scientific data along with humor to help people achieve change. He is in a long-term happy marriage and has two grown children.

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