Nice Mom vs. Strict Dad

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Nice Mom vs. Strict Dad

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You may notice, whether you are a man or a woman, that you parent differently than your partner. That's really true. Moms and dads tend to parent differently. Sometimes parents worry about that. They think, "Well, we shouldn't. If we parent the child the same, the child will turn out better." Actually, the research I've seen and our research shows, that allowing the parents to parent differently is great for the kid. The kid gets two different ways of being. Usually, the two different ways of being focus on two different sets of assets. So one parent, it's quite often the mom, is the emotional verbal person. That helps develop empathy and verbal empathy, verbal emotion, and sociality and so on. That's great. But maybe, she's not going to be the one who says, "I don't hear what you are saying about it, I just want you to change." Well, the kid can use that, too. Quite often, if you have an alpha male, it's the dad who is like that. Of course, moms and dads can switch on this, but we often find that. We want to support -- What I would love to support with you, in your home, is both styles. Both styles are going to have edges. So he's going to say, "Oh, you are babying this child." Let's say, and I'm exaggerating. She's going to say, "You're too rough with this kid." Well, look at the development of the kid. The judgement is, what happens after two or three times? Does the child rise up, to accommodate his roughness? Does the child pull toward her to try and accommodate her wanting to talk about it? When does the child move toward the mom? When does the child stop talking to mom and move toward a little more roughness or stop talking to dad and want mom? Watch for that. It's profound. It's human nature. If we give kids both, all through their lives, they will gravitate as they need us toward them. They'll come back.

Watch Video: Nice Mom vs. Strict Dad by Michael Gurian, MFA, CMHC, ...

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Michael Gurian, MFA, CMHC

Family Counselor & Author

Michael Gurian is the New York Times bestselling author of 25 books published in 21 languages. He provides counseling services at the Marycliff Center, in Spokane, Washington. The Gurian Institute, which he co-founded, conducts research internationally, launches pilot programs and trains professionals. Michael has been called "the people's philosopher" for his ability to bring together people's ordinary lives and scientific ideas.

 He has pioneered efforts to bring neuro-biology and brain research into homes, schools, corporations, and public policy. A number of his books have sparked national debate, including The Wonder of Girls, The Wonder of Boys, and Boys and Girls Learn Differently!, and The Minds of Boys.



Michael has served as a consultant to families, corporations, therapists, physicians, school districts, community agencies, churches, criminal justice personnel and other professionals, traveling to approximately 20 cities per year to keynote at conferences. His training videos (also available as DVDs) for parents and volunteers are used by Big Brother and Big Sister agencies in the U.S. and Canada.

 As an educator, Michael previously taught at Gonzaga University, Eastern Washington University, and Ankara University.  His speaking engagements include Harvard University, Johns Hopkins University, Stanford University, Macalester College, University of Colorado, University of Missouri-Kansas City, and UCLA. His philosophy reflects the diverse cultures (European, Asian, Middle Eastern and American) in which he has lived, worked and studied.

Michael's work has been featured in various media, including the New York Times, the Washington Post, USA Today, Newsweek, Time, People Magazine, Reader's Digest, the Wall Street Journal, Forbes Magazine, Parenting, Good Housekeeping, Redbook, and on the Today Show, Good Morning America, CNN, PBS and National Public Radio.

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