Shaming vs. bullying

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Shaming vs. bullying

You may find yourself thinking about, what's too much shame for a boy? What's too little shame for a boy? Is shame ever good? If you are thinking these things, everyone around you is thinking these things because its all about competition. Your sons are going to get involved in competition. If we want him to be good, someone is going to shame them a little bit, and say, "Well, that sucked. You need to do this differently." Where I am with that -- I am basing this solely on the research that I could do, because everyone has an opinion. Where I am at is that boys can take a lot of it will lead them to a goal. If the shaming is not leading them to any goal, like winning or being good at something or being better at it, then we really need to look carefully and say, why? What is the purpose of this shaming? By shaming -- And when I use the word, by the way, I'm assuming bullying. I'm assuming that subtle thing that happens when people make fun of other people and we don't know what to do with that. Some of that is healthy. A lot of that is not healthy. If you had to pick one thing to think about, think about; is there a purpose to this? Obviously, if all our son is doing is competing and shaming, we are going to stop that. That's an extreme. If you worry about where the middle ground is, the middle ground would be having a purpose to it.

Watch Video: Shaming vs. bullying by Michael Gurian, MFA, CMHC, ...


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Michael Gurian, MFA, CMHC

Family Counselor & Author

Michael Gurian is the New York Times bestselling author of 25 books published in 21 languages. He provides counseling services at the Marycliff Center, in Spokane, Washington. The Gurian Institute, which he co-founded, conducts research internationally, launches pilot programs and trains professionals. Michael has been called "the people's philosopher" for his ability to bring together people's ordinary lives and scientific ideas.

 He has pioneered efforts to bring neuro-biology and brain research into homes, schools, corporations, and public policy. A number of his books have sparked national debate, including The Wonder of Girls, The Wonder of Boys, and Boys and Girls Learn Differently!, and The Minds of Boys.

Michael has served as a consultant to families, corporations, therapists, physicians, school districts, community agencies, churches, criminal justice personnel and other professionals, traveling to approximately 20 cities per year to keynote at conferences. His training videos (also available as DVDs) for parents and volunteers are used by Big Brother and Big Sister agencies in the U.S. and Canada.

 As an educator, Michael previously taught at Gonzaga University, Eastern Washington University, and Ankara University.  His speaking engagements include Harvard University, Johns Hopkins University, Stanford University, Macalester College, University of Colorado, University of Missouri-Kansas City, and UCLA. His philosophy reflects the diverse cultures (European, Asian, Middle Eastern and American) in which he has lived, worked and studied.

Michael's work has been featured in various media, including the New York Times, the Washington Post, USA Today, Newsweek, Time, People Magazine, Reader's Digest, the Wall Street Journal, Forbes Magazine, Parenting, Good Housekeeping, Redbook, and on the Today Show, Good Morning America, CNN, PBS and National Public Radio.

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