How it feels to have PPD

Suzanne Barston, Author and Blogger, shares advice from her personal experience of what it feels like to have postpartum depression and the importance of telling someone about it
How It Feels To Have Postpartum Depression -
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How it feels to have PPD

The moment I gave birth, it was like this dark cloud just came down on me. It was this… I never felt anything like it before. It was just, literally, like the lights went out of the room and I did even have the moment to experience of my son where I felt that incredible, love and fascination that I just given birth. It was like horrifying from the start. So, I knew right away but I did not want to admit it to myself. It wasn’t until I think my son’s two-week appointment where I broke down to his pediatrician and admitted that I just was not okay. And you know, people talked about the baby blues but there's a difference between getting teary and emotional and feeling like you just absolutely cannot function and that’s where I was at. I just… I cried constantly. I didn’t want to be around people. I couldn’t look at my son. I felt like I was dangerous to him. And not that I could ever hurt him but it's just that I was just poisoned, you know. And it was only when I got on to medication and actually stop breastfeeding that was very much tightened to my postpartum depression. So between those two things, it really changed the whole situation and I ended up loving being a mother.

Suzanne Barston, Author and Blogger, shares advice from her personal experience of what it feels like to have postpartum depression and the importance of telling someone about it


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Suzanne Barston, CLC

Blogger & Author of Bottled Up

Suzanne Barston, CLC is the former Editor-in-Chief of Los Angeles Family Magazine, a Certified Lactation Counselor, and a freelance writer specializing in parenting, women’s interest, and science/health topics. She is the author of Bottled Up: How the Way We Feed Babies Has Come to Define Motherhood, and Why It Shouldn’t and blogs as her alter ego, the "Fearless Formula Feeder". "FFF", as it’s known to an international fan base representing over 40 countries, supports parents dealing with issues of guilt, fear, conflict and uncertainty regarding infant feeding difficulties and choices through critical assessments of research, pithy commentary, practical advice, and a weekly series allowing parents to share stories in a cathartic way. She is also the co-creator of the #ISupportYou movement. 

Barston was raised outside of Boston and earned her Bachelor of Science degree from Northwestern University in 2000. After living and working in Chicago and London, she now resides in Los Angeles with her husband, the photographer Steven Barston, and their two obnoxiously cute children. She and her husband were featured on two award-winning online reality series for, A Parent is Born and Welcome to Parenthood, about their pregnancy and first years as parents. Suzanne's writing and her work with FFF and Bottled Up have been featured in the New York Times, the Huffington Post,,, Pregnancy & Newborn Magazine, Parenting, Babytalk, OhBaby!, Fit Pregnancy, The Observer, Yahoo Shine!, Australia's Good Weekend magazine, and on a variety of radio programs including KPCC's "Take Two", numerous NPR affiliates, "Parenting Unplugged", "Positive Parenting", "Mom Enough", "For Crying Out Loud", "Voice of Russia", and more. Suzanne was honored to be one of the keynote Voices of the Year in 2012 for the annual BlogHer conference.

She currently works both as a writer and as an Infant Feeding Counselor. 


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