Feeling guilty about assisted reproduction

Family Therapist Kim Bergman, PhD, shares advice on how to overcome and move through guilt caused by using assisted reproduction to help conceive
Overcoming Guild About Using Assisted Reproduction
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Feeling guilty about assisted reproduction

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Sometimes, when we’re faced with having to have a child through the use of other people – third parties and assisted reproduction – we might feel guilty, or we might feel like something is wrong. The best way to move through that guilt is to stay focused on your goal of becoming a parent. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with becoming a parent whatever way it takes for you to be one. And you do have to give yourself the time to grieve the things that you thought you were going to have like maybe your own genetic child, or maybe something else, as you move through the layers of decision making on the road to becoming parents. But however you become a parent and whatever child you end up with, it’s your child and meant to be your child and there’s absolutely… it’s perfect. It’s completely perfect, whole and complete. There’s nothing wrong with it. And as you move through it and make those decisions and certainly once you’ve got your child in your arms, you’ll know that.

Family Therapist Kim Bergman, PhD, shares advice on how to overcome and move through guilt caused by using assisted reproduction to help conceive

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Kim Bergman, PhD

Family Therapist

Kim Bergman, PhD, a licensed psychologist of 22 years, has specialized in the area of gay and lesbian parenting, parenting by choice and third party assisted reproduction for the last two decades. Dr. Bergman has created a comprehensive psychological screening, support and monitoring process for Intended Parents, Surrogates and Donors. She is the co-owner of Fertility Counseling Services and Growing Generations and is a member of the American Society of Reproductive Medicine, the American Fertility Association, the American Psychological Association, the Los Angeles County Psychological Association, the Lesbian and Gay Psychotherapy Association, and the Gay and Lesbian Medical Association. She is on the national board of the Family Equality Council. Dr. Bergman writes, teaches and speaks extensively on parenting by choice. Along with co-authors, she published "Gay Men Who Become Fathers via Surrogacy: The Transition to Parenthood" (Journal of GLBT Family Studies, April 2010). Dr. Bergman created her own family using third party assisted reproduction and she lives with her wife of 28 years and their two teenage daughters. 

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