Talking to kids about assisted reproduction

Family Therapist Kim Bergman, PhD, shares advice for parents on how to talk to your kids about how you created your family with assisted reproduction
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Talking to kids about assisted reproduction

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In talking to our children about the way our families are created, the most important thing is to tell them the truth. Age appropriate truth. Developmentally appropriate truth. That truth won't change, but the way we talk about it will change as they get older and older. Empowering them with how they were created, is the greatest gift we can give them. Knowing in our hearts, that there is absolutely nothing wrong with the way they were created, allow us to give them that gift. We say, "Mommy and Mama wanted to have a baby, but there were parts that we needed or parts that we didn't have. A man helped us, or a doctor helped us, or a surrogate helped us," or whatever the part you didn't have. That person helped us so that we could have you and you could be ours. Be really clear from the beginning. If you have two moms, you don't have a dad, you have a donor; whatever you have and you don't have. Using the right terms and being accurate, and telling them the truth; right from the beginning

Family Therapist Kim Bergman, PhD, shares advice for parents on how to talk to your kids about how you created your family with assisted reproduction

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Kim Bergman, PhD

Family Therapist

Kim Bergman, PhD, a licensed psychologist of 22 years, has specialized in the area of gay and lesbian parenting, parenting by choice and third party assisted reproduction for the last two decades. Dr. Bergman has created a comprehensive psychological screening, support and monitoring process for Intended Parents, Surrogates and Donors. She is the co-owner of Fertility Counseling Services and Growing Generations and is a member of the American Society of Reproductive Medicine, the American Fertility Association, the American Psychological Association, the Los Angeles County Psychological Association, the Lesbian and Gay Psychotherapy Association, and the Gay and Lesbian Medical Association. She is on the national board of the Family Equality Council. Dr. Bergman writes, teaches and speaks extensively on parenting by choice. Along with co-authors, she published "Gay Men Who Become Fathers via Surrogacy: The Transition to Parenthood" (Journal of GLBT Family Studies, April 2010). Dr. Bergman created her own family using third party assisted reproduction and she lives with her wife of 28 years and their two teenage daughters. 

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