Treating unreasonable requests with respect

Learn about: Treating unreasonable requests with respect from Janet Lansbury,...
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Treating unreasonable requests with respect

Sometimes kids want what they can't have. Quite often, toddlers want things that they can't have. The best thing to do and is actually very hard for parents to remember is to acknowledge that desire first, no matter how crazy it is, no matter how inappropriate it is. So if they are asking for an icecream cone and they just had a giant hot fudge sundae or a big piece or a whole bag of candy, rather than saying, "Are you kidding? You just had a big bag of candy. I'm not giving you that." "You really want that. I understand." It could just be brief. "You really want that icecream cone. I can't let you have it." Whatever the rule is. We are not jumping in and saying, "No." We're not freaking out and saying, "Are you crazy? What's wrong with you?" We're not judging the child. We are not shaming the child. In fact, we're doing quite the opposite and a very powerful thing. We are acknowledging and validating that whatever parts of you there are, they are all good and all these desires are acceptable. I get them all and I accept you, but I'm still your mom and I'm still going to be in charge and I'm still going to be a good leader for you. It's a very powerful thing. Many times it will stop a child in its tracks. It will stop the tantrum. It will stop them from crying because they say okay, you get it all right. I'm not crazy. I just want something and you are going to make a better choice for me. That's ideal.

Learn about: Treating unreasonable requests with respect from Janet Lansbury,...


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Janet Lansbury

RIE Parenting Expert

Janet Lansbury is a parenting advisor, writer and teacher. She has served on the board of directors of Resources for Infant Educarers (RIE) for over a decade, written childcare articles and been a frequent presenter at early childhood conferences. A former actress/model (Janet Julian), Janet found her true calling when she gave birth to her first child and sought guidance from renowned infant expert Magda Gerber. Inspired and mentored by Gerber in the early 1990s, Janet became a RIE Parent/Infant Guidance Class instructor and has since had the privilege of providing support and guidance to thousands of parents and caregivers throughout Los Angeles. Most recently, she has become a prolific and influential parenting blogger with a worldwide following.

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