Refusing to listen to the nanny

View Laura Markham, PhD's video on Refusing to listen to the nanny...
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Refusing to listen to the nanny

Children only cooperate with us because of their relationship with us. So what does that mean when there is a Nanny with your that part of the day? Your nanny need's a relationship with your child also. A relationship of trust, a relationship of fun and also a relationship of firmness. When she sets a limit so your child knows there is actually a reason your child has to cooperates with the nanny. Just like there be a reason your child cooperate with you. Your child wants to please the nanny because the nanny matters. If you think about the teachers in school, children have a new teacher every year. Master teachers bond with the child, so the child wants to please that teacher. And that's what the nanny's need, they don't have the training of the teacher usually, but that is what they need your help to do. To bond with the child and to become comfortable setting the limit. And therefore, your relationship with the nanny be very open and that your nanny feel comfortable telling you. If the child does something out of line, and the nanny is afraid to tell you because she is afraid to do her job, then she is never going to get the child to do what she is asking the child to do. So, part of it comes down with the relationship with your nanny, being one where there is disclosure where the nanny is comfortable talking you about things. And also it becomes important that you teach the nanny what you have learned. If your the toddler who is so hard to get into the car seat, you've experienced if too and you have developed a repertoire of ways. You are saying "please buckle up your seat belt for take off are you staring the music? There is a lot of ways to get the toddler into the car seat. And you already figured them out for you, the nanny needs you to share that information with her so she can be as successful as you have been.

View Laura Markham, PhD's video on Refusing to listen to the nanny...


Expert Bio

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Laura Markham, PhD

Clinical Psychologist

Dr. Laura Markham is the author of Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids: How to Stop Yelling and Start Connecting. She earned her PhD in Clinical Psychology from Columbia University and has worked as a parenting coach with countless parents across the English-speaking world, both in person and via phone. You can find Dr. Laura online at, the website of Aha! Moments for parents of kids from birth through the teen years, where you can sign up for her free daily inspiration email.  Dr. Laura lives in New York with her husband and her kids, who are now 17 and 21.

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