Importance of the twin to parent bond

Joan Friedman, PhD Psychologist & Twin Expert, explains why it the twin to parent bond is more important than the connection between twins and how many parents are mistaken about this
Raising Twins | The Importance Of The Twin-Parent Bond
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Importance of the twin to parent bond

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Whether you're a twin or a singleton, the strongest bond need to be made to your parents. The connection that a child makes to his parents is what allows a child to feel safe, consistent and secure in all of his attachments and in the world. But many twin parents mistakenly assume that the twin connection is more important. For example, if a zealous preschooler says to her mom, "Oh don't punish my brother, he didn't do anything wrong. He's a good boy." A twin parent might look and say, "Oh she's so sweet, she's so loving, she's so maternal. I guess I won't punish him." But then essentially, that's really not the right thing to do. Parents have to be the disciplinarian in families. They have to set the rules and they have to set the boundaries. So if you want to develop emotionally healthy twins, you really can;t rely on the twins to be each other's surrogate parent.

Joan Friedman, PhD Psychologist & Twin Expert, explains why it the twin to parent bond is more important than the connection between twins and how many parents are mistaken about this

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Joan Friedman, PhD

Psychologist & Twin Expert

Dr. Joan A. Friedman is a prominent and well-respected twin expert who shares her passionate views and insights about twins and their emotional needs with twins and their families throughout the world. The fact that she is an identical twin and the mother of five, including fraternal twin sons, makes her ideally suited to this task. Her commitment to twin research and her treatment of twins of all ages demonstrate the breadth and depth of her skills and experience. She conducts ongoing groups for parents of twins and provides consultation on twin related matters such as school placements, developmental discrepancies, and behavioral issues.

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Transcription: 
Whether you're a twin or a singleton, the strongest bond need to be made to your parents. The connection that a child makes to his parents is what allows a child to feel safe, consistent and secure in all of his attachments and in the world. But many twin parents mistakenly assume that the twin connection is more important. For example, if a zealous preschooler says to her mom, "Oh don't punish my brother, he didn't do anything wrong. He's a good boy." A twin parent might look and say, "Oh she's so sweet, she's so loving, she's so maternal. I guess I won't punish him." But then essentially, that's really not the right thing to do. Parents have to be the disciplinarian in families. They have to set the rules and they have to set the boundaries. So if you want to develop emotionally healthy twins, you really can;t rely on the twins to be each other's surrogate parent.