The secret to having effective consequences

Watch Video: The secret to having effective consequences by Cynthia G. Whitham, LCSW, ...
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The secret to having effective consequences

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The secret to having effective consequences is how you chose the privilege that your child will lose. That's what a consequence is. It's the removal of a privilege of what your child expects to have. So I cam up with a little trick to help you, kind of, figure out the right one. First of all think A, B, C, C, C, D - that's your guidelines here. A, as soon as possible. A privilege that's coming soon, something that your child is anticipating, is going to be great. B, brief. It doesn't have to be all of the privileges, it doesn't have to be for this week, next week and next month. It really could be something that's just taken away for a short period of time. An hour. The first C stands for care. Your child needs to care about this privilege. Now teenagers are going to say 'I don't care'. Maybe even little kids - 'I don't care'. You need to know that underneath they do care. that's just bravura. The second C is for comfortable. You need to be comfortable, you need to be at peace with taking this away. You can't feel badly about it. The next C is for control. You have to have control over the supply and the demand of this consequence. If your child can get it some other way, it's not going to be as valuable. And the D is for daily. If this is a privilege your child uses every day, well you've got something every day to take away meaning you don't have to think about it. It's on the tip of your tongue and you are ready.

Watch Video: The secret to having effective consequences by Cynthia G. Whitham, LCSW, ...

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Cynthia G. Whitham, LCSW

Director, UCLA Parenting & Children’s Friendship Program

Cynthia G. Whitham, LCSW, Director of the UCLA Parenting and Children’s Friendship Program, has been training parents for over 30 years. She is the author of two books, Win the Whining War & Other Skirmishes: A family peace plan, and The Answer is NO: Saying it & sticking to it, which have been translated into nine languages. In addition to her UCLA group classes, Ms. Whitham has a private practice on the east and west sides of Los Angeles. In 2000, she spent a month training clinicians at the National Institute of Mental Health of Japan. A lively speaker, Ms. Whitham does presentations and trainings for schools and organizations. Ms. Whitham raised two happy, healthy, and (relatively) well-behaved children (she thinks that may be the best credential of all). Daughter Miranda McLeod is a fiction author and is in a PhD program at Rutgers University. With sadness, Cynthia tells us that her son Kyle died in 2007, within months of graduating from San Francisco State University.

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