As women, we’re often in charge of meeting the demands of hungry children, hyperactive pets, hurricane-ravaged homes, and even work projects. It’s one heck of a balancing act, and it requires constant and regular attention. By the time the day is done, falling asleep in the shower sounds more fulfilling than getting some one-on-one time with the father of your children. The last thing we want to have after a day of to-dos is to have one more thing to do. It’s a critical part of any happy relationship though, so it’s as necessary as that dinner glass of wine. There are easy ways for us to keep love going though…
Fall Into A Sofa Romance
While we may love plot, drama, and complex characters, it seems that our better halves only require explosions, blood, ridiculous humor, and shiny toys (fast cars are ideal, but swords make an excellent substitute). Meeting the above expectations are far more important than avoiding B-level productions with 1 or 2 star ratings. Not a big deal since we can always find things to keep us busy, but watching TV together falls under the category of Intimacy & Connection for many men. If we want to keep the peace and do our part to keep everyone happy, then we’re gonna have to watch some fist fighting and over-the-top car explosions. But we can wife-ify it! Yes, making it through 120 minutes of bloody car drama is one thing, but making it a time to connect… Really? But it beats watching football, so I say it’s well worth it. Take the initiative and show a little interest by finding some movies that give a tickle of intrigue. I go through Netflix to search for man-worthy movies that have the twists, detailed plots, humor, or alluring storylines my attention span requires. Then, when we sit down to watch TV, I tell him I found a movie that looks really good. While I often require a certain mood or time to get into a movie, this isn’t the case for him. As long as the criteria are met, then my neurotic micromanaging ways go unnoticed. He loves it because he gets to do his thing without me complaining or stepping in with a “boring” alternative. I love it because it’s brain-free entertainment that gives us a chance to connect the way he connects. And, truth be told, it has actually exposed me to some great films (if you’re looking for witty Chinese movies big on action, then I’ve got the list for you).
Embrace Beer Thirty
I’m fairly certain that sports, bar banter, Xbox, and Dungeons & Dragons will never fall under my category of fun, but it’s the highlight of the week for men everywhere. I’m hardly excited when I hear that my man is planning what will be hours of “man time” considering that I can’t make a child-free grocery run without being begged for an ETA - but healthy bromances come with big perks. Every mom has an itch for a little personal time. Whether it’s with yoga, ladies night out, going out in public without a kid attached to each leg, or having 5 minutes of uninterrupted peace in the bathroom; we all need a little me time. Men are no exception, so we should be open to them getting their kicks. Now, it’s definitely easier for men to sneak away from home than women, so this is something that can be used to our advantage. Make a deal that you’re both eligible for “me” sessions without any guilt-trips or harassment. If he wants to watch the game and drink with friends, then he’s free to do so (responsibly of course). The same goes for you. And whether this is time to devoted to playing Pokemon with high school pals, or 3 hours spent doing transcendental meditation, it’s time that each partner gets to get a bite of happiness. Even if we don’t plan time away for the week, getting the kids to bed early to indulge in a bath and a bottle of wine can do more for our sanity than therapy.
Support The Hobbies
Ladies aren’t so keen on hunting, sports, and TV marathons, but how many guys see the big deal in yoga, cooking, and finding bargains? Generalizations aside, women and men aren’t going to have the same interests. This is good because it allows us some personal time, but sometimes it isn’t enough to simply allow it. If we really want to connect, we need to find something of interest in their interests. I did this with my husband’s favorite pastime; dancing. Amazingly enough, he is the dancer. I’ve always been pretty good, but his experience and cultural background puts my skills to shame. This is especially true when it comes to latin ballroom. Dancing salsa, bachata, and merengue has me flustered in no time as a beginner dancing with a pro. This used to have me cursing at my own feet, but now I’ve learned to do my best to relax and make the most of it. It’s gotten a lot easier with time (and it would be even easier if I would finally get around to watching those YouTube tutorials), so I can feel pretty good about myself with the right dress and a good cocktail. I love that I have something I can do with my husband that he enjoys. It’s fun to see my improvements, and they definitely don’t go unnoticed. Besides, trying to stop him from going would only deny him fun and lead to bitterness. And there’s no way I’m going to send him off to a bar to dance the night away with other women. Not when I have a perfectly good red dress sitting in my closet! And since my man has given yoga his full support thanks to its bodily benefits, I’m inclined to return the favor...
Long Live The Puppy Love
There are days our husbands seem to love the dog more than us. It’s hard not to get a little jealous of that mutt, but let’s be honest; we’re women managing kids, a home, and a to-do list that gets longer before it gets shorter. All the dog has to worry about it is food, walks, and attention. It doesn’t have to develop, manage, and execute a functional life (this is where the infamous yet necessary nagging that all men love comes in). So, even though we’re cooking with our husband's health in mind and pushing for a healthy and active lifestyle, the dog is the one that gets creds for health and happiness. Yes, it can be pretty annoying to see the dog get the love, attention, and appreciation we want for ourselves, but maybe we should be grateful that they have the outlet. Men are known for having this to-the-point communication that deals with things quickly (and while keeping those awkward things called “emotions” at a minimum). Relationships aren’t easy, and having such a big difference in behavior and communication can really wear someone down. That’s where the dog comes in! That pooch dog isn’t a threat. It’s a friend! It offers him a simple and meaningful relationship that doesn’t come with all the complexities women come with (ie. nagging, teary eyes, and decorating the home with an iron fist). The human-dog connection is as fulfilling as it is simple. And they’re so happy! It’s no wonder our husbands love their dogs! What woman wouldn’t love coming home to a man who’s dancing with joy everytime she walks through the door? The puppy love is perfectly understandable, and dogs offer us all sorts of benefits. Instead of getting jealous, we should be glad they have something to connect with in their own mysterious man way. And maybe we should even take on the competition by pairing our best smile with the latest twerk moves. I have yet to try this with my husband, but I think it’s safe to say that it won’t go unnoticed…
Give It Up
What women could possibly have time for sex with a schedule full of children, work, and home? I have no idea how an adult could have the energy to get up and brush their teeth after 10pm, nevertheless to roll over, undress, and get in a “workout for two.” Generally speaking, women could do with less sex than more, but being willing to shed the nightgown really pays off in everyday life. I think we can all agree that rejection is an ugly feeling we’d rather do without. As much as we may not want to admit it, saying no to sex can be a harsh slap in the face. It’s easy to pass it off as a testosterone-driven physical urge that doesn’t deserve a whole lot of attention, but sex addresses emotional needs too. Us women have our own needs to take care of (not to mention everyone else’s), but a little foresight can simplify this. My resolution for this has been to initiate a little spark while the night is still young, or in the morning before the kids are up. I benefit in having a chunk of time that doesn’t have me lost in thoughts of what I need to do, and my husband benefits by feeling desired and getting some spicy spontaneity. Making time for liveliness in the bedroom has made this time better than ever, and I’m much more interested in getting some action. And since I believe in finding a balance in all things, I’ve used this time to make the deed more enjoyable for both of us. I initiated a little partner education by making it a time to get to know what we both like and experiment with some new things. Now that he’s getting a little Women 101, he’s able to touch me in a way that has me smiling instead of rolling my eyes in exhaustion and thinking, “Here we go again.” Sex is much more welcome now that I feel like I’m receiving as much as I’m giving Whatever it takes to make sex worthwhile for both man and woman, I’m of the opinion that it’s totally worth the effort. And while science has yet to release an official study, we all know that sex is a statistically proven method to a completed “honey do” list There are plenty of other ways of connecting with that special man in your life. The trick is figuring out how they tick and what you can do to adapt and accommodate. It’s easy to feel like we’re giving and giving, but a happy man makes for a happy home and a happy relationship. Show your husband love in his way, and see what it does for your marriage.