No couple enters the sacred bond of marriage lightly. The decision to share your lives together ‘until death do us part’ and to commit to each other and your relationship is something that you both make willingly on your wedding day and each day after that.
However, even the best intentions can come undone as many unions do eventually fall apart, with almost 50% of marriages in the United States ending in divorce, making it the sixth-highest divorce rate in the world.
If you and your spouse have been struggling for some time you may be wondering whether to divorce. As with the decision to get married, the decision to divorce should also be given considerable thought before it is taken and it is worth making every effort to save your marriage, if possible. Before you choose to go down the path of divorce or contact a divorce attorney to file your papers, consider the tips in this article to help strengthen your broken relationship and resurrect your marriage.
Discuss Your Problems
Communication really is the key to a successful relationship and each partner must be able to discuss their reasons for feeling unhappy or unfulfilled in the marriage. Without identifying these root problems it is impossible for you to both work together to make positive changes or solve underlying issues.
When discussing your problems, it is helpful to accept and validate each other’s feelings without trying to change them or becoming defensive. Although certain issues may trigger one or both of you, remember your goal is to reach a common ground where you both can move forward together as a couple.
Commit to Change
Once you have identified the main causes of your marriage difficulties you must both be committed to making the necessary changes to address them. Your willingness to make behavioral changes and to work as a partnership can help you in resolving your issues.
Whether it's making more quality time for each other or being more helpful around the home, showing your spouse that you are committed to making the changes that are needed to strengthen your marriage is key.
Focus On the Positives
Being critical and seeing each other’s shortcomings can become habitual and destructive if not kept in check. Rather than focusing on the negative aspects within your relationship or in your spouse, reframe your perspective by looking for the positives instead.
This might involve making a list of all their positive attributes, or remembering what it was about them that you fell in love with and why you chose to spend the rest of your life with them. It can also help to revisit your wedding vows and the loving words and intentions you exchanged with one another. The commitment you once made to work together through the good times and the bad can give you both a sense of solidarity and unify you both during tough times.
By consciously choosing to focus on the positive, you may find that your attitude toward each other significantly improves and there is more harmony in your interactions. This exercise can also serve as a helpful reminder when you are tempted to let negative thoughts about your spouse or your marriage creep back in.
Avoid Conflict
A relationship that is on the brink of divorce may have deteriorated to the extent that communication has become defensive, critical, and hostile. It is important to choose your words wisely and to avoid arguing or attacking one another if you are to prevent parting ways.
Try to listen and empathize with your partner’s concerns or wishes by putting yourself in their shoes rather than being reactive. If your conversations become heated, allow each other the space to cool down, and reflect on your feelings so you can express your hurt or dissatisfaction later in a more loving and productive manner.
Couples Counseling
Sometimes it can help to get a fresh perspective on your marriage with the help of an unbiased third party who has your best interests in mind. If you are both open and willing to make the effort and follow the guidance that is given there is a strong chance that your marriage can be repaired.
An experienced marriage counselor can help you to identify your feelings about the relationship, and to uncover the real reasons behind your problems. They will also work with you to reach common ground, where you and your spouse will be supported in working through any deep-seated issues or challenges, rather than trying to resolve them yourself. By bringing more awareness into your relationship, marriage counseling can also promote closer connection and intimacy between you both.
There are many ways to resolve the areas of conflict and concern in your marriage before you decide to end it. Putting these tips into practice just might save your marriage from divorce.
