Why is there so much pressure to be perfect as women? Why is there so much emphasis on having the perfect body, makeup, outfit, job, home, spouse and/or child? Do we put this pressure on ourselves? Where does the pressure come from?
Even though I question and try to fight the pressure to “perfect” in so many facets of my own life, with social media it feels nearly impossible to escape it. It seems that every where I look, I am inundated with what the perfect body, home, marriage and child looks like. Shouldn’t I be more concerned with living a healthy lifestyle, having a roof over my family’s head, a spouse that is my best friend and having a well-balanced child?
I have come to the realization 3.5 years after having my child that I will never have the body I did pre-baby. Although I have finally lost all the “baby weight,” my belly has loose skin, stretch marks galore and war wounds from having an appendectomy while pregnant and then an emergency c-section. Over the past few years I have come to embrace my belly’s imperfections as rites of passage into motherhood, but that does not stop me from having an internal meltdown every time I see a news piece or tabloid showing how another celebrity mom’s body bounced back 6 weeks after birth looking hotter than ever (it’s true they all look pretty amazing). I always wonder if celebrities deal with what seems like the norm in my mommy world of having loose belly skin, stretch marks and other scars from pregnancy? Do they have confidence issues with their bodies post baby? Difficulty adjusting to parenthood? It seems that the every day moms that I encounter have similar experiences of life after baby. Some of the most popular topics include sleepless nights, problems nursing, colic, difficulty getting back into exercising, cooking fresh meals and did I mention sleep??? There isn’t enough concealer in the world to cover up the bags I acquired after my son was born. No, not everything post birth is difficult and negative. There are not enough words in the world to describe the love a parent will feel toward his/her child after they are born. It is a love like no other. I feel blessed every day to be able to experience it. Back to the topic at hand, I will admit that I have been a little (or a lot) green with envy of my girlfriends’ whose bodies have bounced fairly quickly a few short months after giving birth...I am genuinely happy for them yet simultaneously bummed it didn’t happen to me. Some people have told me that I need to embrace my new body, I just can’t and I am glad that I didn’t. 3.5 years later and I am back in most of my old clothes and it feels good. The road back to my pre-pregnancy weight has been a long and difficult one, but the most rewarding. I am proud of myself for changing my eating habits and sticking to an exercise regime that is conducive to being with my son full-time. I know how hard I have worked and know that I am setting a good example for my son. I will never take for granted again being able to get dressed without a meltdown and not avoiding being in pictures because I didn’t feel comfortable with how I looked. So now I am looking to you to help me answer some questions that still remain...Becoming a parent is hard enough with sleep deprivation and adjusting to parenthood, so why do we feel pressured to have the picture perfect life on our social media outlets? Is there a way to portray a more accurate snap shot into our lives without becoming a negative nancy when we are laden with a string of unfortunate days with our kids and life events? How can we as parents instill confidence in our youth who are inundated with images of the “perfect” body and life? How can we set a better example of how a confident adult acts, eats and lives like on a daily basis? It is truly up to us as parents to create every day ideals and norms that create healthy and well-balanced youth. Youth who embrace their differences. Youth who define personal perfection by being happy, eating healthy, exercising and being authentic to themselves.
How do you instill confidence and individuality in your own children? How you teach them to love their differences? How do you set examples in your own life? Can’t wait to hear all your suggestions!
