KidsInTheHouse the Ultimate Parenting Resource
Kids in the House Tour

How to get the sex you want with your partner

So how do you get the sex you want with the partner that you have? One way that´s so important is to begin to learn how to talk about your fantasies. What are the things that actually turn you on? We as women actually have a lot of fantasies about ravishment. That´s different than rape. Think of Johnny Depp as a pirate throwing you down on the deck of the ship. No, no, don´t, please. That´s called ravishment, and it is one of the things that women crave and have fantasies about but we have a difficult time sharing those fantasies with our partner. And our partners have fantasies, too. But sometimes they are afraid to talk about them. One of the best ways to improve your sex life is to share what´s already working to appreciate what turns you on in your relationship. You always get more of what you appreciate. The way that you start to share your fantasies is not to say I hate it when you go to the left. It is to say I love it when you go to the right and one thing that we are already doing that I would like more is. For example, I would like more sex in the shower or I would like more massage. And then you can share something I would like to try. But if you build on what´s already working, your partner is going to be much more open to hearing about something new that you might want to throw in there on a spicy Friday night. So start with one thing you really appreciate about your sex life that´s already working, something that you want more of and then ask for something that you might have a fantasy about. And do it today. We love to hear what´s working in our sex life.

Tammy Nelson, PhD describes how to improve your sex life with your partner


Expert Bio

More from Expert

Tammy Nelson, PhD

Psychotherapist & Relationship Expert

Tammy Nelson PhD is the author of several books including, “Getting the Sex You Want; Shed Your Inhibitions and Reach New Heights of Passion Together”  (2008) and  “What’s Eating You? A Workbook for Anorexia and Bulimia (2004)” and her latest  book “The New Monogamy; Redefining Your Relationship After Infidelity” (January 2013) is receiving critical acclaim.  She has been a featured expert in New York Times, Washington Post, Self,  Glamour Magazine, Cosmopolitan, Redbook, MSNBC,  Shape, Men’s Health, Women’s Health Woman’s Day, Women’s Health, and a source in Time Magazine. She writes for the Huffington Post, YourTango and can be followed on her blog

Tammy Nelson is a Board Certified Sexologist, a Certified Sex Therapist and an Imago Relationship Therapist.  She is an international speaker and a licensed psychotherapist in private practice with over 25 years of experience working with individuals and couples.  She travels and lectures internationally on her quest for global relational change.

More Parenting Videos from Tammy Nelson, PhD >
Enter your email to
download & subscribe
to our newsletter