Advice on men, pregnancy and sex

Tammy Nelson, PhD, discusses the fears and feelings of men when their partners are pregnant and how they can still maintain a healthy sex life
Pregnancy Advice | Men's feelings about sex during pregnancy and how to maintain a healthy sex life
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Advice on men, pregnancy and sex

So if your wife or female partner is pregnant and you're wondering, should we have sex? I want to have sex. She doesn't want to have sex. Or even if you're afraid to admit, she wants sex, but I really don't. All those feelings are totally normally. When a woman starts to show that she's pregnant, and she gets bigger and looks more like a mom, sometimes it brings up weird feelings. And we call that the Madonna Complex. She becomes a mother. And sometimes you might be afraid to hurt her by having sex. You might be afraid to hurt the baby. And there's this sort of interesting phenomenon that happens that we parentify her. In other words, we treat her like mom, and that's kind of icky. Who wants to have sex with that? So sometimes the arousal decreases for men and part of the way of getting around that is to begin a conversation with your wife or female partner to remember who she is as this erotic partner that you once had. And the second part is to plan a date for sex once a week. Because what happens is you might have all good intentions and the night might come, the evening, you're finally ready, and she's asleep, because she's pregnant. She's tired. Or because you have great intentions of wanting to be with her, and by the time that comes, you're sort of confused about her in your mind and the way you normally sexualize her now feels dirty and wrong. Planning a sex date once a week where you lead up to it with a hot bath, a massage, really creating a more sensual experience can help for both of you to turn sex into not just getting to the finish line and have it be a hot, erotic experience, but a more connected, intimate and sensual experience that can help you both deal with some of the confusion around who you are as sexual people. Because you're still a couple, and you still have the potential to have some really great sex throughout the whole term of her pregnancy.
PREGNANCY, Sex and Relationship

Tammy Nelson, PhD, discusses the fears and feelings of men when their partners are pregnant and how they can still maintain a healthy sex life


Expert Bio

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Tammy Nelson, PhD

Psychotherapist & Relationship Expert

Tammy Nelson PhD is the author of several books including, “Getting the Sex You Want; Shed Your Inhibitions and Reach New Heights of Passion Together”  (2008) and  “What’s Eating You? A Workbook for Anorexia and Bulimia (2004)” and her latest  book “The New Monogamy; Redefining Your Relationship After Infidelity” (January 2013) is receiving critical acclaim.  She has been a featured expert in New York Times, Washington Post, Self,  Glamour Magazine, Cosmopolitan, Redbook, MSNBC,  Shape, Men’s Health, Women’s Health Woman’s Day, Women’s Health, and a source in Time Magazine. She writes for the Huffington Post, YourTango and can be followed on her blog

Tammy Nelson is a Board Certified Sexologist, a Certified Sex Therapist and an Imago Relationship Therapist.  She is an international speaker and a licensed psychotherapist in private practice with over 25 years of experience working with individuals and couples.  She travels and lectures internationally on her quest for global relational change.

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