Advice for when your child knows you divorced because of an affair

Tammy Nelson, PhD suggests ways to help children when they are aware an affair led to divorce
Relationship Advice | When your child knows you divorced because of an affair
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Advice for when your child knows you divorced because of an affair

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So you're getting a divorce because of an affair, and your kids know. How do you talk to them about it? Should you talk to them about the affair? What if they ask you questions? How do you answer them? Those are really important questions, and they're going to come up, because kids are curious and they want to know. But they don't want to know all the details. They do want to know that you're going to be honest with them. And remember, affairs are about dishonesty. So your job now is to model for them what real honesty looks like. And integrity means being able to integrate your responsibilities to yourself and to others. Your responsibility to yourself right now is to heal. That doesn't mean to rely on your kids to help you heal. And your responsibility to your kids means to create an environment where they can heal and they can move on. So what that means is you don't share too many details about the affair. And it also means when they ask you questions you don't lie to them. And the third part is that you don't trash their parent or the person that is the outside affair partner if they happen to know them in order to make yourself feel better. And those are really important pieces, those three things. In order for your child to move on and to feel like their parents are honest and working on healing form the affair, they have to know what integrity means, and you have to be the one to model that for them.

Tammy Nelson, PhD suggests ways to help children when they are aware an affair led to divorce

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Tammy Nelson, PhD

Psychotherapist & Relationship Expert

Tammy Nelson PhD is the author of several books including, “Getting the Sex You Want; Shed Your Inhibitions and Reach New Heights of Passion Together”  (2008) and  “What’s Eating You? A Workbook for Anorexia and Bulimia (2004)” and her latest  book “The New Monogamy; Redefining Your Relationship After Infidelity” (January 2013) is receiving critical acclaim.  She has been a featured expert in New York Times, Washington Post, Self,  Glamour Magazine, Cosmopolitan, Redbook, MSNBC,  Shape, Men’s Health, Women’s Health Woman’s Day, Women’s Health, and a source in Time Magazine. She writes for the Huffington Post, YourTango and can be followed on her blog www.drtammynelson.com/blog/.

Tammy Nelson is a Board Certified Sexologist, a Certified Sex Therapist and an Imago Relationship Therapist.  She is an international speaker and a licensed psychotherapist in private practice with over 25 years of experience working with individuals and couples.  She travels and lectures internationally on her quest for global relational change.

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