Once a cheater, always a cheater?

Tammy Nelson, PhD, gives advice about whether to stay or go after a spouse has been unfaithful
Relationship Advice | Should you stay together after your spouse has an affair?
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Once a cheater, always a cheater?

So if your partner keeps cheating, when do you make the decision it is time to move on? Many people will ask me once a cheater, always a cheater? When do I give up and say this relationship is not fixable, we can´t repair this? And that´s a really important question because I think everyone after an affair feels like am I fool to stay, am I being taken advantage of, and that´s an important distinction to make. Are you feeling like guilty because everyone tells you you should leave or are you feeling like there is something not right in this relationship, I really can´t trust that this person is going to be here for me? My intuition tells me that everything coming out of this person´s mouth is a lie, so there is a difference between someone who compulsively cheats and really can´t stop and someone who has an affair and really wants to resolve and feels remorse and wants to move forward. And you have to learn to trust your intuition. Is this affair a can-opener, a way to end the relationship? If you feel like infidelity is being used as a way to abuse you, as a way to take advantage of your feelings, or as a way to compartmentalize your relationship from your sexuality. In other words, your partner is getting sex somewhere else and is just using you to be the one to take care of the kids, it might be time to start thinking about your own needs and what you need to do to move forward to actually end the relationship.

Tammy Nelson, PhD, gives advice about whether to stay or go after a spouse has been unfaithful


Expert Bio

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Tammy Nelson, PhD

Psychotherapist & Relationship Expert

Tammy Nelson PhD is the author of several books including, “Getting the Sex You Want; Shed Your Inhibitions and Reach New Heights of Passion Together”  (2008) and  “What’s Eating You? A Workbook for Anorexia and Bulimia (2004)” and her latest  book “The New Monogamy; Redefining Your Relationship After Infidelity” (January 2013) is receiving critical acclaim.  She has been a featured expert in New York Times, Washington Post, Self,  Glamour Magazine, Cosmopolitan, Redbook, MSNBC,  Shape, Men’s Health, Women’s Health Woman’s Day, Women’s Health, and a source in Time Magazine. She writes for the Huffington Post, YourTango and can be followed on her blog www.drtammynelson.com/blog/.

Tammy Nelson is a Board Certified Sexologist, a Certified Sex Therapist and an Imago Relationship Therapist.  She is an international speaker and a licensed psychotherapist in private practice with over 25 years of experience working with individuals and couples.  She travels and lectures internationally on her quest for global relational change.

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