Having a deep talk with our children helps us develop strong connections with them. By doing so, we can bridge generation gaps, educate them, and pass our knowledge and wisdom to our offspring. This type of conversation also helps prepare our kids for a turning point in their life. And when informing your kids that their parents are getting a divorce, this must be the main goal of the conversation.
How to Tell Your Kids About a Divorce
As an undergraduate college student, I had a chance to “meet” one really good writing service offering a research paper for sale. The site in question was EssayShark, and I ultimately decided to order my research paper there. The assignment dealt with the psychology of kids whose parents are going through divorce. Most of all in my paper, I remember the quote that the writer employed to argue the harmlessness of a divorce: “Divorce is not such a tragedy. A tragedy would be staying in an unhappy marriage, and teaching your children the wrong things about love. No one ever died from divorce.”
No matter how many years have passed, I still fail to name the person who made that statement. But I did learn something very important from this exceptional saying: when sitting a kid down to a talk, the first thing a divorcing parent has to keep in mind is that under no circumstances should they position the subject of the talk as a calamity. This is the basic and most important cornerstone of a divorce talk with your adult kid. But letting your adult children know that soon their parents won’t be together requires you to consider a lot more than this one aspect. For this reason, I suggest you to look at this broad guide on how to talk to your kids about a divorce.
Adult Kid Talk vs Little Kid Talk: What Makes Them Differ?
When preparing to tell your adult kid that you are filing for divorce, be sure to note that adults are much harder to deliver such news to than school kids. Given their naivety and lack of experience, small kids process any unpleasant information more easily and carelessly than adults do. With adult kids, it works in quite a different way. Equipped to the perils of adult life, their grown-up minds perceive the news in a more sophisticated and subtle way.
So, while telling your five-year-old son or daughter that “mommy and daddy are going to live in separate houses from now on” may be enough, a twenty-year-old Z-gen kid will most likely scowl at what you just said, craving for the details. Another factor making adult children take the news so painfully is the length of time you and your spouse spent together. You and your spouse have managed to last together for many years, and now you two so abruptly and suddenly split up. Is this not reason enough for your mature kid to get baffled and frustrated? Be certain to consider these factors when thinking about how to tell your kids you’re getting a divorce.
Getting Down to the Talk: Tips and Suggestions
Developing a plan for the conversation with your adult child requires you to follow a whopping number of vital recommendations that basically form your strategy. Now, I urge you to give thought to some proven suggestions as to dealing with adult children when you are about to divorce.
1. Create a unified front.
The subject you’re presenting is itself challenging and bewildering. So, you two should keep away from aggravating the talk by delivering contradictory messages. Try to make one common point in your conversation and stick to a shared message, rather than contending with your soon-to-be ex for supremacy and taking turns to blame each other for ruining your marital union. This will add coherence and clarity to your talk and prevent your kid from swaying between two clashing pleas.
2. Eliminate inappropriate content in your talk.
Make sure to avoid airing the dirty laundry of your relationship. Level-headed as your kids may be, they don’t need to know the distressing details of why your marriage went down the path of destruction. It’s normal that you both hold a tremendous grudge on each other and can hardly keep from blaming your spouse. But be reasonable and avoid letting it go any further than between you two.
3. Let the kids know that the blame is not on them.
Normally, the children of divorcing parents are inclined to blame themselves for the break-up. Take care to assure your kids that they have nothing to do with what happened and the reason why you two grew apart is all about you, the parents. This greatly helps children in dealing with parents’ divorce in adulthood.
4. Don’t tell them that you two still love each other.
Alleviating the situation by telling your kids that you and your spouse still love each other is silly. The main reason underlying every divorce is that the spouses can’t stand each other any longer. Yes, there are occasions when a couple splits up despite the burning unconditional love they share for each other. But the key word here is “split up,” which means that no matter how passionately you are in love with each other, your feelings gave way to other factors that ultimately put an end to your relationship.
5. Be specific and accurate.
Remember to go into detail about what your family will do next and how you two are going to move on with your lives. Talking things through is especially important when it comes to deciding on your living place. It’s a sure thing that you two won’t tolerate each other within one place of residence, and maybe one of you will have to take temporary or permanent shelter at your kids’ place. So, be certain to discuss these matters with your kids, as this is the right way of dealing with adult children when telling them about your divorce.
6. Keep calm.
It’s difficult to pull yourself together when talking about divorcing the person you have kids with. But letting your emotions take over can throw you off and keep you from staying consistent and rational. Furthermore, it can really distress your kids, making them worried about your psychological state.
All things considered, the foremost thing you have to keep in mind when telling adult kids about your divorce is to stay open and sincere, whatever the circumstances are. This experience is extremely unsettling and disturbing, but being straight with your children should be your greatest priority in any case.
Remember that no matter how reasonable and open-minded your kids are, they can become fragile and delicate in light of their parents’ divorce. For this reason, you should be thoughtful and strategic about how you deliver this nerve-racking piece of information.